How to get over a dissapointing engagement proposal?

Are you "stupid" to feel disappointed?
I don't think the word "stupid" applies but perhaps unrealistic, naïve, or immature more readily apply.
OK, that's me being kind.
Now, I am not going to be so kind but I will try not be abusive...
You are young and I will cut you some slack, but you better get your head out of your ass and realize that what happened is not a big problem in the world or even in your life. You even taking the time to write this question tells me that something that is so fantastically minor in the big picture is bothering you when what you should be bothered about are more important issues in your life like the security of your job and the ability to afford a house or retirement or health care or God knows what. Do you understand?
Furthermore, little snafus like what happened are going to happen ALL the time in marriage.
Every
Single
Day
and the #2 factor to marriage survival is having a sense of humor about it. (#1 = money)
That means enjoy the fact that your fiancé (*) didn't do it perfectly according to some hypothetical nonexistent script in every girl's head. Be thankful that he's marrying you.
(*) I am happy you took the time to spell it correctly with accent.
OK, I am off my soapbox now.
Unfortunately, you are not alone.
VAST numbers of women of all ages are like you - obsessed with ridiculous minutiae. It isn't until the shit hits the fan in life that they grow up and realize " I was upset over THAT? That's it? " My wife can be like that at times. I have to set her straight. She seems to have finally gotten it. That's what happens when your life hits speedbumps... and everyone's life eventually does.
Good luck young lady! And congrats on being an attentive speller!
Haha! This was informative, humorous, and yep I think you can agree us women can be like that ha. Did I still say yes? Of course cause I love him. Is it the first time something like this has happened? No... so I expect there will be other things that I can’t throw a hissy fit about. Also I don’t usually use that word, I say partner! I’ve finished my masters so this forum is quite informal for me... but hey if you wanna spell check it go ahead :) either way thank you for your informative yet humorous reply! :)
I want to give you an example about imperfection being better than perfection...
Do you know what a "perfect game" is in baseball?
In a nutshell, it's when a pitcher faces only 27 batters and they all are out.
The pitcher didn't throw a single hit or a single walk.
Perfect games are rare. In the 150 or so years of MLB, there have been 23 of them.
Now, most people can't name many of the pitchers who threw those games and most of the 23 games themselves are not memorable except for "Don Larsen's Perfect Game in the 1956 World Series".
But there __IS__ one very famous perfect game that was not a perfect game.
It occurred in 2010 and it was being carried live on ESPN in anticipation of the game about to be perfect. I watched it too.
(more)
With the 27th batter up, the batter hits a minor ground ball. The ball is tossed to first base and caught clearly before the runner gets to the bag so he's out. Game over. Another perfect game...
Except that the runner isn't out. The umpire made a terrible error and called the runner safe even though ever replay should he was out by feet.
The pitcher should have gone ballistic but the game went on and he got the next batter out right away. The 27th out was really the 28th out...
... and that's why this game is called "The 28-Out Perfect Game" or "The Imperfect Game".
It's famous. It's the second most famous perfect game after the Don Larsen game.
Do you understand what I am trying to get at?
That imperfection - that error - that "going off script" - made that game special and one of the most famous in all of baseball history... much more so than 22 of the other perfect games. In fact, there's more to the story after that that's all touchy-feely good.
... And this is all part of the miracle of life!
Perfection is great, but it's the times when life goes "off-script" that are memorable and become special.
... and you being able to recount with detail how your boyfriend proposed actually exemplifies that. Really, if he did it perfectly, would it have been so memorable? No. It's that he got it "wrong" that you will remember and laugh about and tell your kids 40 years from now.
Enjoy!
Yes I understand what you are getting at! I think really it’s about seeing the humour in this rather than the fact it didn’t go exactly as myself or he planned. It’s a funny story really
There is lot of pressure on guys even if they know that answer would be yes but that confirmation is necessary he might not show it but he may have assumed it may or may not end well there's always a possibility, donot go behind the gesture just look at the feeling behind it you already know he loves you and you love him that's what matters you know.
And congratulations on the upcoming wedding this one will go great🎊💒💐🎉
Yeah I really don’t think it’s anything to do with that. As I chose my engagement ring! Well he was there right beside me haha. we both knew the day was coming and knew exactly what day he was going to do it on. However when I arrived at the house mr was still lighting the candles 😂 so he said he felt rushed
It seems like he still put a lot of effort into the proposal and did a lot to make it special. The roses and candles were a great idea and I bet it was beautiful. Personally, I wouldn't be upset if he didn't do the traditional get on one knee and ask "Will you marry me?"
As long as you want to marry him and he's the right guy for you, that's all that matters. The way he phrased the question isn't very important.
Would you be ok, if when you walked in, he picked up the ring box, smiled and put it on your finger? - not even saying anything..
(Obviously we both knew this day was coming aswell)
I would have been ok with that. I was engaged once and I'll tell you how it happened. It was even less fancy than yours.
I was at my house when he walked through the front door with a jewelry store bag in his hand. So that gave it away that he was going to propose. (We'd talked about marriage before, so I'd already known he would do it, but didn't know when.)
He left the bag on the kitchen table and walked over to me with the ring while I was sitting on the couch. I can't even remember what he said exactly, but it was something very casual about wanting to marry me (not phrased as a question at all).
Then, he tried to slide the ring onto my right ring finger. I had to stop him and correct him, telling him it's supposed to go on the other hand.
Yes I guess the thing that makes this easier, is that we both knew exactly he was going to do it that day. We chose the rings three weeks earlier, together! When we got in the house we were hugging and kissing and saying how much we loved each other, in my head I was thinking when will this guy get down haha when he picked up the box, he said ‘should we do this?’ I was like yeah, he proceeded to pick the ring out the box and I had to stop him and say no on one knee first :p LOL I guess it is funny
Yep! Plus when I got to the door he was still lighting the candles haha! Must of been rushing
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!Yes you are, and not very appreciative of the effort he put in to make it special.
I had a friend who wanted to propose on the end of a dock, and when the day came he kept trying to convince her to go out on the dock but it was rainy and drizzly and she just wanted to leave. Eventually he got her out there and it went well after that.
Personally I thought it was a bad idea, as if he dropped the ring it could have ended up in Lake Washington.
Yes. Proposals don't have to be the way you want. My dad didn't even really propose. My parents were on a date an my dad said "We've been together for seven years now, do you want to get married?" No ring no real plan. Obviously she said yes, but she didn't even get an engagement ring
I'd not even finish the plan. You should be excited he wants to propose
I literally did mine in her living room after telling her how much she's changed my life and she said yes.🤠
Yeah but it’s like I had to host the whole thing.. I had to tell him to get down on one knee and I also had to ask him for what? when he said are you ready... I just feel like had I had not done any of those things that ring would of been on my finger without any question and without any getting down on one knee. The only hope I have is that he said he would of realised straight after and said let’s do it again haha.
That is probably the most nerve wracking situation for a guy to be in. Even if you are 100% confident, she still may say no.
He was nervous and not sure what to do. I tried doing it for a week before I got the nerve to go through with it. Forgive it, and love him for it
True. Well I asked him did you think I was gonna say no and he said no (we both knew this was coming anyway), just to do with him being really happy, excited and nervous why he was like a lost puppy lol he said he forgot about everything else and just wanted to put the ring on my finger and take pictures 😂
I think you had a fantasy in your mind and the reality didn't live up to it (maybe it couldn't possibly?). I'm not a woman, and while I can understand maybe being a bit disappointed, if it were me, I wouldn't care. It's not important compared to the actual engagement itself and the person you're marrying. That's my view anyway. Is the way he proposed going to affect the marriage itself or your feelings for him? That's what matters.
No of course not! I still love him just curious to know why it went that way you know
Probably nervousness/anxiety. Tried to down play it in his mind so he could have the nerve to do it maybe? That would be my guess.
He was going to put the ring on my finger without bending down or even say anything... he said he would of realised after oh shit I needed to do this lol
Don't judge your fiance on opinions of us (strangers) he is your partner. I will advise you to not discuss anything related to anyone, just discuss things with trusted person whom you know well, and they are sincere and loyal with you.
I just wanted to get perspective if other guys may also behave this way under given situation lol. My guy is not a overly romantic guy, nor does he get nervous so was strange to hear!
I think you're being rather demanding and unappreciative tbh! He still went to the trouble of making the moment special for the two of you!
It would be a nervous moment for him because he's the one proposing and not you!
don't think too deep about,
important is his behavior, his love, his respect for you
Yeah I know, This is what keeps me here tbh. Just I’ve never heared someone being so lost lol
If I were the guy and saw this I'd end the engagement and find someone more appreciative.
Life isn't a fairy tale; it can get quite messy. At the end of the day what is more important to you; how he asked or that he asked?
OYYYYYY!!!
Women are so demanding!
Haha! No, but he was going to put the ring on my finger without saying anything or getting on one knee! at least say something! Ha he said coz of how he felt he forgot about all this for a moment...
Said he would of realised after the ring was on my finger oh shit, I needed to do it like this lol. He admits it’s not good and would of been better done as planned 😂
You will remember it forever as an endearing moment BECAUSE he did what he did. :)
It's human. He is a human. He did his best and I know somewhere inside you love him for that.
Yeah I do believe he made effort as he went and laid like 60 candles out! Although it’s not impossible it’s still a task which he did! So when he said he was nervous I guess he felt rushed lol and wanted to make sure everything was okay
Guys really have a hard time doing things like that. After we were dating a while my girlfriend told me that if I didn't tell her that I loved her, she was going to leave me. I told her "I fucking love you okay?" It's not that I didn't love her, it's just that it was hard for me to get the words out. By the way, she laughed so hard I thought she was going to pass out and that night we had the best sex ever!
Why is it hard for you to get the words out, if that’s what you feel.. that’s what I really struggle to understand about guys lol. If I feel something I really want the other person to know
It's hard to say. Emotions are different for guys. I think that part of it is that guys are supposed to be tough, and emotions make you vulnerable. So their brains are designed to deny them. It's like a struggle between different parts of your brain.
Also, guys are naturally competitive. Emotions show vulnerability which is not good for engaging in competition. You don't want your opponent to know you are vulnerable so guys aren't used to showing their feelings to other people. Girls seem to have much less problem with that. As a guy I find THAT hard to understand. So it works both ways.
Yes.
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