How to get over a dissapointing engagement proposal?

Question

Me and my now fiancé got engaged a few months back. I walked into the flat with an isle of candles and roses on the table with the ring in the middle. We hugged and enjoyed the moment. - then my partner picked up the ring and asked me if I wanted to take photos, I said no after. He then proceeded to take the ring out of the box bringing it closer to my hand, I said nooo you need to get on one knee first. And so he did. He got on one knee and asked me ‘are you ready? ‘ I said ready for what... he said to be my wife. That was that. We both hugged and told our families. As you can see this proposal didn’t go exactly how I wanted and I can’t help feeling dissapointed even though he’s a great guy! He said the reason for all of this was because he was so excited and nervous and happy, he forgot his ‘plan’ for the moment. He promises me that although in that moment he was going to put the ring on my finger, he would of straight away realised ‘oh shit I need to get down on one knee and ask her will you marry me’ Lol, this is all well and good but it didn’t happen like that and makes me wonder! Am I being stupid to feel dissapointed...

Answer 1

abc3643 | 3K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Are you "stupid" to feel disappointed?

I don't think the word "stupid" applies but perhaps unrealistic, naïve, or immature more readily apply.

OK, that's me being kind.

Now, I am not going to be so kind but I will try not be abusive...

You are young and I will cut you some slack, but you better get your head out of your ass and realize that what happened is not a big problem in the world or even in your life. You even taking the time to write this question tells me that something that is so fantastically minor in the big picture is bothering you when what you should be bothered about are more important issues in your life like the security of your job and the ability to afford a house or retirement or health care or God knows what. Do you understand?

Furthermore, little snafus like what happened are going to happen ALL the time in marriage.

Every

Single

Day

and the #2 factor to marriage survival is having a sense of humor about it. (#1 = money)

That means enjoy the fact that your fiancé (*) didn't do it perfectly according to some hypothetical nonexistent script in every girl's head. Be thankful that he's marrying you.

(*) I am happy you took the time to spell it correctly with accent.

OK, I am off my soapbox now.
Unfortunately, you are not alone.
VAST numbers of women of all ages are like you - obsessed with ridiculous minutiae. It isn't until the shit hits the fan in life that they grow up and realize " I was upset over THAT? That's it? " My wife can be like that at times. I have to set her straight. She seems to have finally gotten it. That's what happens when your life hits speedbumps... and everyone's life eventually does.

Good luck young lady! And congrats on being an attentive speller!

Angels12345

5 mo
Haha! This was informative, humorous, and yep I think you can agree us women can be like that ha. Did I still say yes? Of course cause I love him. Is it the first time something like this has happened? No... so I expect there will be other things that I can’t throw a hissy fit about. Also I don’t usually use that word, I say partner! I’ve finished my masters so this forum is quite informal for me... but hey if you wanna spell check it go ahead :) either way thank you for your informative yet humorous reply! :)
abc3643

5 mo
I want to give you an example about imperfection being better than perfection...

Do you know what a "perfect game" is in baseball?
In a nutshell, it's when a pitcher faces only 27 batters and they all are out.
The pitcher didn't throw a single hit or a single walk.

Perfect games are rare. In the 150 or so years of MLB, there have been 23 of them.

Now, most people can't name many of the pitchers who threw those games and most of the 23 games themselves are not memorable except for "Don Larsen's Perfect Game in the 1956 World Series".

But there __IS__ one very famous perfect game that was not a perfect game.
It occurred in 2010 and it was being carried live on ESPN in anticipation of the game about to be perfect. I watched it too.

(more)
abc3643

5 mo
With the 27th batter up, the batter hits a minor ground ball. The ball is tossed to first base and caught clearly before the runner gets to the bag so he's out. Game over. Another perfect game...
Except that the runner isn't out. The umpire made a terrible error and called the runner safe even though ever replay should he was out by feet.
The pitcher should have gone ballistic but the game went on and he got the next batter out right away. The 27th out was really the 28th out...

... and that's why this game is called "The 28-Out Perfect Game" or "The Imperfect Game".

It's famous. It's the second most famous perfect game after the Don Larsen game.

Do you understand what I am trying to get at?
That imperfection - that error - that "going off script" - made that game special and one of the most famous in all of baseball history... much more so than 22 of the other perfect games. In fact, there's more to the story after that that's all touchy-feely good.

... And this is all part of the miracle of life!

Perfection is great, but it's the times when life goes "off-script" that are memorable and become special.

... and you being able to recount with detail how your boyfriend proposed actually exemplifies that. Really, if he did it perfectly, would it have been so memorable? No. It's that he got it "wrong" that you will remember and laugh about and tell your kids 40 years from now.

Enjoy!
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abc3643

5 mo
FYI:
en.wikipedia.org/.../Armando_Galarraga%27s_near-perfect_game

www.si.com/.../armando-galarraga-jim-joyce-perfect-game
Angels12345

5 mo
Yes I understand what you are getting at! I think really it’s about seeing the humour in this rather than the fact it didn’t go exactly as myself or he planned. It’s a funny story really
abc3643

5 mo
That's exactly right.

Good for you for understanding that!

How to get over a dissapointing engagement proposal?

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