Why does he change the conversation with his sweet comments?

Why does he tell me all these great things, about how I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, how much he loves me, and I get annoyed by it? It's great that he admires me so much, and I know I'd miss it a lot if I stopped hearing those things from him. What seems to annoy me most is that he says these things randomly while text messaging and stuff, and it changes the conversation. Is it wrong to confront him about it at all? Should I just learn to always admire all the nice things he has to say to me?


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What Guys Said 1

  • This will sound harsh but I say it with the same cold detachment that women felt as they taught me it.

    Women are natural social climbers. They only want to make connections (friends, boyfriends, whatever) that will cause them to gain social value. This means everyone and everything has either a plus or a minus next to it. How is a person's sign (plus or minus) determined? By how they treat the women in question. If a guy pays no attention to this woman, she will generally deduce that he is more valuable than average because she does not satisfy him enough to make him comment. From this perspective he certainly seems more valuable than any guy who does pay attention because this guy is communicating that the woman is enough for him, implying that she is already at his level, meaning that she cannot gain anything from being with him.

    What you are feeling is natural. Your intellectual side knows he is a sweet guy and you appreciate his care. The primal cavewoman in you knows this guy can't really add anything to your life since he thinks it's already great. These two feelings are at odds.

    How you choose to handle it is totally your own decision. Most women seem to indulge the primal. Most people tend to anyway regardless of gender actually. This issue is a source of great pain for self described nice guys, as it is for the handful of women who acknowledge the true nature of their behavior and feel helpless to resolve it until after most of their youth and desirability has passed them by. It's one of those "life isn't fair" situations.

    • And to answer your question, it's always good to tell your partner what your feelings are if something they do is causing resentment. That can build up and wreck the relationship in no time.

What Girls Said 1

  • You know, at some moment you will have to deal with him about it.

    This stuff about telling you sweet thing to your ear is a technique that people, in this case men, do in order to avoid a more serious conflict, when they feel that the storm is coming, to divert your attention from the "negative" thoughs you have, thinking that with only flattering you they can get want they want.

    Depending of the relationship, you can accept them or not. If they come from someone whom you don't like, hate or want him out of your life, this strategy obviously won't work (you can thank it as a compliment, but you still feel uncomfortable and disgusting at some degree).

    If they come from the person whom you really like, then it's OK to fall as long as:

    1. He doesn't tell them very frequently.

    2. both of you have an argument about a very silly issue. (such as where to eat pizza, what to do in the weekend, put off a date cause one should take care of his or her little brother, etc)

    In general, it's natural to get annoyed if men do this kind of technique frequently. Don't tell him anything unless you see it really necessary like diverting your attention from a really serious issue.

    If you confront him about it (I am not saying it is neither a good nor bad choice), then imagine the worst scene that will be in the future, in this case it may be that he will tell you less sweet things or none of them.