Boyfriend (23) and I (21) got into an argument over sperm donors?

Question

Hello. I’m 21 (f) and have endometriosis. One of the main side effects of this is infertility. My doctor talked to me lat week that while things look okay right now, they could decline rapidly over time. My boyfriend and I have only been together for a year and a half, living together for 6 months. We decided to sit down and talk about it. I told him I don’t think he’s ready to be a dad (he has no driver’s license, no insurance, bad paying job, no diploma, etc.) He got offended and asked me what I would do if they told me tomorrow my eggs would only be good for another year or so and I was honest with him. I told him I would most likely use a sperm donor because I wouldn’t want my child having a father involved who couldn’t raise them, care for them, or do things for them. It would be easier for me to raise a child on my own (I’m almost done with college, have a career lined up, have insurance, a car, good job, etc). Than struggle to support both of them. He was upset by this, which I completely understand. But I really don’t want to have a kid with someone who isn’t even close to be ready. I have to think about these things considering what my doctor told me. Things are extremely weird between us now and I don't know what to do. Any advice?

Answer 1

Guffrus | 974 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

Sperm donors dont make maintenence payments but a former dead beat might.

You dont have to live together if it doesn't work out.

Money is nothing to do with parenting.

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Asker

1 y
That’s the thing. I pay for everything for my boyfriend. His clothes, payments, phone, shampoo, etc. if I have a child I’d rather focus on them than having to take care of both of them.
Guffrus

1 y
Well that shouldn't be happening but youve known that for along time already.

I hope you dont mind me saying this but Im just going to throw this out there:

I dont have children and I would like to father a child if only to pass on my genes so Im interested and i can only hope that you will consider letting me father your children.

If youd like to have a conversation about that in pm that would be great.

Answer 2

Asker

That’s the thing. I pay for everything for my boyfriend. His clothes, payments, phone, shampoo, etc. if I have a child I’d rather focus on them than having to take care of both of them.

Answer 3

Guffrus

Well that shouldn't be happening but youve known that for along time already.

I hope you dont mind me saying this but Im just going to throw this out there:

I dont have children and I would like to father a child if only to pass on my genes so Im interested and i can only hope that you will consider letting me father your children.

If youd like to have a conversation about that in pm that would be great.

Answer 4

Anonymous

I have more practical advice then relationship advice.

the practical advice is that eggs are much harder to freeze and thaw then embryos. So... if declining egg quality as an issue and you’ve been with this guy a year you might want to freeze some embryos with him. You might ALSO want to freeze some donor and/or unfertilized. And that kicks the decision down the road. If You’re still together years from now you will be glad you did it and if not so be it.

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2 People

Answer 5

Boromir

Yoda

Make a real assessment on the future of the relationship, without even the ‘kids’ part. If he’s not willing to step up to become more independent or a cost winner profile you’re better off without him and you’ll end up with two dependents. A sperm donor is cheaper in that situation.

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Answer 6

Avicenna | 11.5K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

This was, frankly, not a conversation you should have been having.

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Answer 7

Danny_dan92 | 1.7K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

Uhhh... you are aware that a sperm donor does not mean that the donor will be your new man?

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Asker

1 y
Yes. I would raise the child on my own, without a father or partner
Danny_dan92

1 y
Your boyfriend is a fucken deadbeat tbh.

If you really want kids.

Here’s what you do.

Freeze your eggs. And dump
Him

Answer 8

Asker

Yes. I would raise the child on my own, without a father or partner

Answer 9

Danny_dan92

Your boyfriend is a fucken deadbeat tbh.

If you really want kids.

Here’s what you do.

Freeze your eggs. And dump
Him

Answer 10

Iron_Man | 14.9K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

That should be done after marriage

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Asker

1 y
I agree. But it is something I have to think about now, considering my situation. He said he doesn’t want to get married until his life is figured out. He needs to get his GED, license, better job, etc. Like I said I’ve been with him for 1.5 years and he hasn’t done anything about these things. He hasn’t even applied for a permit. At this rate, I fear it’ll take him 5+ years to get things settled and he’s already 24. By the time we end up getting married and ready to have kids, I might be infertile.

Answer 11

Asker

I agree. But it is something I have to think about now, considering my situation. He said he doesn’t want to get married until his life is figured out. He needs to get his GED, license, better job, etc. Like I said I’ve been with him for 1.5 years and he hasn’t done anything about these things. He hasn’t even applied for a permit. At this rate, I fear it’ll take him 5+ years to get things settled and he’s already 24. By the time we end up getting married and ready to have kids, I might be infertile.

Boyfriend (23) and I (21) got into an argument over sperm donors?

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