Trying to date someone who's been single a long time?

So we are both 30 and have been seeing each other for almost 3 weeks. She's been single for 2 years, only had a brief relationship then before that then single for several years and had a long term abusive relationship before that. Every guy she has dated has been an asshole and treated her bad. She has made it clear to me that she is used to being single and I can see that by her routine of doing most everything herself, she is very independent.

I've never dated someone who has being single for such a long time so I wanted to get some advice on how to deal with this? I mean should I give her more space than usual and let her come to me? We text each other every day, mostly her texting me, but some days I never hear from her or get little back from her if I do hear from her. Do I just take things slower than usual like less dates or see each other less?

I realize this questions sounds kinda stupid, but I'm coming from a 7 year relationship (separated) and feel like I'm learning the dating thing all over again.



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  • You have to decide if she's worth the effort to draw her out again, it's like dealing with a virgin who also has bad relationship baggage. And you also don't know exactly how messed up she is.

    She's telling you she likes being in control of all aspects of her life. Sounds great, right? Well, you know that once you are a couple, compromise is the order of the day. Does she show any indication of being able to not have her way?

    • Its still pretty early in the relationship, but I see her compromising, so far I have taken control of organizing dates and she just goes with what I do/say. I see no sign of being a control freak if that's what you're thinking.

  • I love independent woman but sometimes you need to make her feel, there is something missing in her life. This is a good time to reassure her that not all men are assholes and jerks. I am assuming you are a good man...

    • I'm a great guy and she has acknowledged that to our matchmaker friend saying its weird just how nice of a guy I am as she is used to d-bags. I suppose just showing what a good guy can do for her and that I can take care of her without being selfish that with some time she will realize I'm worth it.