So as far as a guy having a "backup plan" does that basically mean a girl he would ask out if the current girl doesn't work out?
Yes, of course. Have LOTS of them. Have options. Never get stuck in 'one-itis'. Don't let some bimbo pigeon-hole you. And NEVER, and I mean NEVER EVER put any woman on a pedestal. They don't deserve it, and they'll instantly lose respect for you. Women absolutely loathe weak men.
Lol tell me about it. Thanks for the input
Great analyses. It does explain why a lot of guys think during the dating there has to be some form of exclusivity. It's because of investment. Although I think it's not fair to be exclusive right after the first date. That's why I keep my spendings on a first date to a minimum. Rather than going to some restaurant, I take them out for some fun cheap activity and a walk along the beach.
That's the smart move my young brother. Take it from someone with the experience to know. First date... do coffee or a walk in the park and ice cream or something like that. Don't go all out. That way you find out if its you or your money she's interested in and whether or not she is high maintenance.
Thank you for your kind words. Only once did I make the mistake of going all out. This was when I was still inexperienced with dating. Lesson learned. Now I keep the dates fun and low-cost, while at the same time filter out all the girls who want 'free dinners' or are high maintenance. By simply not taking them to dinner. I believe every guy should learn this and not listen to society that tells men to take them out to dinner and pay for everything, only to get nothing in return.
Good work! That's the way to do it. Don't worry about the mistakes... everyone makes them. I've certainly had my share! With the method you are describing you are far more likely to get to the girl that is really in it for the relationship rather than something else. Keep up the great work!
PS... once she proves worthy, you will enjoy spoiling her!
You got that right! I'm happy to say that this method proved succesful. I'm in a happy relationship with a wonderful girl who isn't materialistic and takes care of me as I take care of her. She enjoys spoiling me and I enjoy doing the same (to an healthy extent ofcourse). Have a good one!
I think I also had success doing something similar. This girl and I just got coffee and walked around this park type of place, and she texted me and was making effort to see me again! Wouldn't have happened with a girl who wanted a free meal
That's the way boys... works like a charm. It's the secret to dating no one ever tells you. Don't go all out with the fancy first date. Save that for later once you know who she really is.
Funny though, now the percentage of guys who voted A is a lot lower 😂
Than it previously was
True, but still significant.
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I went on one date with this girl from bumble, she claimed to really enjoy spending time with me (I enjoyed spending time with her as well), and she randomly told me that she deleted her bumble account because it "wasn't for her" and we are still planning on seeing each other. Not sure if she was hinting me or if that was just a "fun fact" she was giving me
It could be either. She could be hinting for you to do the same. Or to see how serious you are about her.
Is it possible she was seeing if I would do the same, because she was assessing to see if I was committing to her/obsessing with her too early?
It's a possibility. She's told you for a reason. She could be letting you know how serious she is about you. It's a sign she is serious about you.
Ok. Thanks for your input
you're welcome :)
I basically agree with everything you just said, but what I've kind of wondered is that, when it comes to people saying you shouldn't go on other dates because "I want to be their first choice", I think there is a caveat to that. If a person is potentially interested in two different people who they don't know, I think it's good to go on a first date with both of them, and then decide from there which one of the two is their "first choice" (and the two people should be doing the same). You can't really decide which one is your first choice if you don't know either of them at all, even if you know what they look like. If you know one of them well, it does make sense to stick to them, but not if you don't know either of them. Do you agree with that?
I see your point. Just as long as the "deciding date " is just the first date. The decision should be made withing one or two dates, so as to avoid the idea that you're cheating... in my opinion🤷♀️
Yeah, I pretty much agree with you there. Everyone will have their nuances with this topic, but sometimes it's more universally obvious what's ok and what's not
This makes me wanna be a whore in secret
When you say the words "just talking" does that basically mean friendly talking, like acquaintances from places you know? Also, does meeting up with someone for coffee if you met them online qualify as a date?
It could be flirting yes. But until someone says “we’re dating”, you guys could have had sex and not be dating. Until you both are clear you’re dating, bets are off. If you met someone for coffee it’s okay unless you guys established being exclusive.
Well I think the idea is that if you don't really know someone, then you don't really know if you value them or not. That's why the early stages of dating someone you don't really know are for the purpose of finding out if you wanna be more than friends with them
I think you should keep your prospects open for the first 2 weeks. That doesn't mean sleeping with any of them by the way though. Just going out for drinks, dinner, etc. And bringing up exclusivity around week 3. If you become completely monogamous from the start you may actually be limiting yourself from finding someone you like more or who is more compatible.
How do you have more than one friend? How is it you could talk to one friend, and then just go behind their back and call up another friend and have a pleasant conversation? Where is the respect or value if you have multiple interactions with a variety of people?I'm being salty, but I totally understand, having once been monogamous. But now I see this sort of thinking to be very much like the way we think about relationships in kindergarten, e. g. "Are you going to be MY best friend, or Kylie's? (You can't love us both!)". As we get older, we understand friendships in a more mature way and are able to have many friends whom we value deeply.
It's paying respect to THEM to focus on one person. I only talk. I don't go out on dates till I find a keeper to meet after 2 weeks chatting. I've had guys throw huge fits if I wouldn't meet him that same day. That says a lot about the type of guy he is.Friends are a whole different story that has nothing in common with dating. At least not to me. Sry if I rather show more respect, simply to REMEMBER things about them that turn me on or off. That's just MY opinion. Enjoy urs
@Peanut127 respect is never a given with me, it's earned. And it has to be earned through actions. I'll also never date a woman who isn't a charitable soul. I admire women who help humanity and animals or help with their families like helping by watching younger siblings or nieces/nephews, etc. Stuff like that makes me admire a woman.
@t-8900 I can't drive due to vision issues and yet, I donated my cctv (that enlarges text) to a lady way more blind than me. I also am creator of wow! - women on wheels support group world wide. I've helped many people. Thus I give others respect till they destroy it. Forgive me for being a nice person. But I'm not dumb, I have a mack how to judge people. In terms of how they talk...
@Peanut127 uh... I never said YOU werent a nice person. I think you took what I was saying the wrong way. I dont respect people I just pass by because they could be anyone. I've had a rough life, not just saying that I mean I really had a fucked up childhood and early adult life. So I have a different perspective on how respect works. That's cool you do those things and by the way I wasn't doubting you did charitable things I was saying in general when dealing with dating, etc.
also holy shit our therapy dogs passed away in the same week, month, year. That's messed up.
Mine had enlarged heart and heart murmurs :(
@Peanut127 my baby girl had stage 4 lymphoma. 2 weeks after diagnosis she was gone. Omg it was the most traumatizing thing. She was freaking out and I just kept telling her "I'm here, I'm here" I had my hands around her head and my nose was touching her's and I kept my eyes locked. Then silence and then the vet said "She's gone" and I just fell to my knees and cried, and cried, and cried. I cried so hard that the whole building was people crying. I took it baaaad. That was my child and she was only 5. It left me completely destroyed.
@Peanut127 that's cool you found something that works for you. It's kind of ironic that you feel my method of interacting with more than one person is disrespectful. To me, if a person demands all my attention and wants to "own" me for their personal use with the exclusion of all others, I find that to be disrespectful of my basic freedoms. It seems a very scary and dangerous, controlling, codependent sort of relationship to be in. But if people are happy and healthy living like that, more power to them! Everyone finds their own way, I know mine is not the only path.
@zeitgeist057 yup, I don't see it the way u think I do. But ur a guy, I'm a girl and short term memory isn't great so to each their own
I wasn't telling you the way I think you see it, I was saying how I see it. I don't know how you see it, but I would imagine you think it's a healthy and reasonable way to go about romance.
You sound fun :)
right but you need to tell them that because most guys aren't going to share a girl with other guys.
Good for you. You are not a possession to be "shared" or "not shared".