I’m playing devils advocate here because you’re right that a lot of men are ridiculous about it. But they’re overreacting to a legitimate thing: it’s REALLY common to see young men who have only gotten dating advice from women and they are getting absolutely nowhere. The problem is they’ve gotten advice that pertains to “how to be a nice respectful guy in a relationship”. That can be a problem, but is NOT the problem most guys have. The problem most guys have is they’re not hot or charming. Women who can actually give advice about this will do better than male advice. But not many do. Women seem to generally have a more realistic idea at a young age of what they need to do to be attractive (though they often get confused about how precise they need to match some ideal).
@0112358 This is sort of complicated. There's a lot of directions this could go.Some points:Why do you think " it’s REALLY common to see young men who have only gotten dating advice from women and they are getting absolutely nowhere."? Why would women be the only influence? Who are these women? What relation to them?My husband often asks me, "these guys who don't understand girls, who act so clueless and act like idiots... did they have sisters?" It's a valid question. Often I don't know the answer. But you know, I've also heard ad infinitum how single mothers are to blame for all the problems with these ineffectual guys. Oh, and serial killers. All raised by single mothers. At some point, people need to take responsibility for their own actions. Females cannot be blamed for everything. Just as neither should men. But right now, I am reminded, yet again, how f'ing aggressive, and toxic, so many men online are. Hiding their rage behind anonymity.
Do guys really need to be taught how to improve their looks? Most guys put a fraction of the effort into their looks than girls do. Females do not choose partners, etc. based solely on looks. Yes, there are hookups happening, but beyond that, all sorts of variables are factored in, in who people choose. Men on dating apps select based on photos (this is proven in eye scans while browsing; and because they're trying to improve their 'odds', so they think, of being very undiscriminating and just 'approving' tons of girls, trying to get any match, any message reply. But they're not really interested in all of them. Not even close.)Females read bios. Words matter. Character, personality, matter way more, in the beginning, than it does with males. Yet, that doesn't mean that guys don't need to bother getting some better photos, better photography, and something other than t-shirts filling their closet. These same men think that if they put more effort in, they'll be metrosexual. They can't handle being seen as caring. Well they should care. But only to a certain extent. Because, again, females are choosing the whole package. Anyway, I think I'm going off topic. Sorry, this has nothing to do with you, I do respect the comments I've read from you. I'm just very irritated right now. And I watched two drama movies today, both very intense relationship movies, and it's raining, so I can't really find any levity, and that's really what I need.
@AmandaYVR Maybe they do have sisters. But their sisters don't want to help because they don't care.
Sometimes I get the reaction like "you're a weird loser and that's not my problem so don't waste my time with that. Just shut up and eat your turkey."
I agree with @0112358 's comments, by the way.
Aww that’s not a nice sister. Sorry.
"If you want to know how to fish you don't ask the fish"The point in this saying is that you ask the Pick up artists (or those, who swim in pussy), who are successful at it what got them all the pussy they're barely drowning in. Now they can be honest or they can be deceptive or secretive. The funny thing is that when we try the same, some of us are not yielding the same results.Or in a different perspective - if you want to become rich, you ask the rich and not the bankrupt poor, who popped 3+ kids.So it kinda makes sense.
I agree with @0112358 and @Unit1. Sorry @AmandaYVR, but it seems like your emotions got the best in you in this case. Unit1 already explained the concept of asking the fisherman instead of the fish, so I don't need to add any more. Also, from what I've seen, it's women who lack the control of accepting other people's views and opinions whenever they clash with her own. This creates a cognitive dissonance. And in order to fight this dissonance, she tries to rationalize these men being "bad" people or of some sort. A classic manipulation attempt to discredit everything the other person said by attacking the person rather than the statement.And for your infomation, Amada, many of us DO read books, scientific articles etc. We just happen to follow advice from certain people (who happens to mainly be men) that WORK. That doesn't mean we live in ignorance. The exact opposite actually. I suggest you look up the studies of children growing up in single mother households and how well they perform in in the social and career life in comparison to children who live in a complete family unit. A quick spoiler: not so well.
Without going in circles on a longer reply I think I can sum it up very easily:Should you take dating advice from the opposite gender? Absolutely - but not exclusively. That’s where many young men go wrong and I suspect few young women do. It’s quite common for young men to ONLY get advice from women. When they realize this has left gaps they overreact and declare they never should have listened to women.
To be fair, I'm not saying that Ms. Amanda is wrong or that my claim is "the ultimate way to the truth".In fact, she has a point when it comes to perceiving a female perspective in regards to these matters. As we gain knowledge of it we can make use of it.
Thanks, @AmandaYVR. 🧡
For the record, I'm not really for asking the "fisherman" or the "fish" exclusively. Like @0112258 said, it has to be a mix of both.But I think what is more important is asking the right people (on both sides). You should be getting advice from people who have the same goals and values as you and who are looking for the same thing you're looking for.
Well this topic certainly blew up, didn't it? 102 and 34 comments. Wow.Look, I agree with all of you in this thread. I could say a lot more here, but I'm trying to think about what is most pertinent and what is superfluous. This is getting quite dense already. (Yes, mostly because of me.)I don't take issue with what any of you have said, really. I also still stand by what I said and I do think we're all right here. The issue is in a broad, sweeping statement of 'No, men shouldn't take dating advice from women.' That's ridiculous. But some women, some men, yada yada, yes, yes, alright. What females do excel at is patience with the minutia of interpersonal relationships. They are generally more interested, will hear people out (not try to dole out some rushed, uninformed, bullet-pointed advice, without hearing the details of the situation.) I've said it before, countless times, females do often use too many words (when fewer may do - brevity is not our forte), and we may sometimes 'overanalyze', but my interactions with females, receiving advice from them, is way, way more carefully considered. We talk for hours, unpacking whatever issue. Not so, with guys. They get tired and fed up with that level of dissection. I stand firm on this. And it's my biggest pet peeve, honestly, people being flippant.
But this is about dating advice. And this is both abstract and general, and personal to me. I write a lot on here, and give a lot of advice. So maybe I receive 'the fish' analogy more than most. (I also think it's given anonymously by the same guy, over and over, but I don't have proof of that.) I also have spent hour upon hour in pm with many guys about their love life. I am a lifelong learner. I read a lot. I have a stack of books next to me right now on the subjects of sex and relationships. I follow a very successful 'pick up artist.' I even recently emailed him directly and told him I actually agree with just about everything he says. We had a very nice exchange. He has a rather crass and seemingly manipulative tone sometimes, but I sort of respect the guy and get a kick out of him. He is charming, likeable, good looking. And yes, he's got the moves. (Some of which I have written here. I approve them.) And I have asked quite a few guys out, initiated relationships, with success, and I'm married 20 years, and I have a much younger girlfriend who is in the dating/hookup world right now, and we talk in detail about what it's like, and how to navigate it. I watch a ton of documentaries, I talk to everybody I meet, eventually about society and culture. So. I do get pretty angry when some internet guy comes along and attempts to invalidate my writing with a flippant and derisive, "I don't take advice from chics" type of comment. (And often, much, much more specific and antagonistic than that, bitching about my age, politics, yada yada.) He, who doesn't even read what I have written half the time.
I honestly don't know what advice other females are giving (other than what I read on gag. But they are less interactive as far as writing, and tend to focus on their own questions far more here. That, one can see by the numbers, they speak loud and clear.) I'm not saying they all give great advice, but what I do know is they are far more open to advice, while a significant chunk of men shirk it. It's not possible they all basically give bad advice. - Defence rests - (ha ha)
@AmandaYVR I have no objections to your closing statements.Also, I TOTALLY agree with this:”(not try to dole out some rushed, uninformed, bullet-pointed advice, without hearing the details of the situation.)". I swear, if I had a dollar for every time I received cookie-cutter advice from one of my guy friends... 🙄
"I don't take advice from chics"It says more about these blue anons than what meets the eye. Whenever I stumble upon something like this (even if I'm not a woman) I immediately dismiss them without a second thought. They are not worth wasting any neurons nor time on. They won't listen.Why should we?
Ok that topic’s done. Let’s all go grab a beer together now! (Well I’ll have a vodka or G&T but you get the idea.)
Great idea, @AmandaYVR! And I'll have a sweet iced tea. :)
Sounds good to me. I'll grab some fine dry red wine.
Worst advises you were given (aside from the good one). Your asset is sex, ours is commitment.You don't give your asset until a respectable man commits to you.Likewise simps give commitment and even their money to OnlyFan girls and money hungry gold diggers without ever receiving as much as a kiss.
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Sometimes the advice they give they don't even have experience in it!. That's why you shouldn't take everybody's advice that they give you.
That’s what I mean... don’t take the advice !!
and also: oh I got an advice from a female. Now I know how to solve problems in my relationship... noo, because not all women are the same. Doesn't matter if she is a female giving u advice or a man. They are mostly generalizing
Can we just stop with that argument. We know what we want it's just a rarity to find it and everyone complains about relationships!Doesn't mean were dating an asshole it's just stupid small things to talk about
If you ask a woman for dating advice, 99% of the time you'll get all that "just be yourself and the right one will come" bullshit that sounds good but doesn't actually work at all.
Hence why asking others for advice and help can do wonders
It all depends who you ask. If i have a financial question, for example, someone who is not doing well financially should not give me advice.
@RyanD2004 Exactly what step are you going? I see that you are 16. First I would promote abstinence. If you cannot hold on make sure that you’re safe meaning condoms. Making sure that she is comfortable at all times and if she says stop stop that’s no playing around that word.