Am I a bad person to date a guy that I set as a really good friend and not like someone I'm into romantically?

Question

We hang out all the time but like... When we get close is more because I feel like we should and not really because I want to. I mean I want to but like.. I don't know. I'm fine not. It's just something to do u know?

I'm still happy and I think he is happy but like. I feel a bit like a fake. But I don't want to loose him as a friend.

Answer 1

aftermydemise | 186 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 7

If you're not into him romantically, why are you dating him?

I'm sure he'd be upset if he knew how you felt. And if they roles were reversed, you'd be upset too.

You can't force romantic attraction. Its either there or it isn't.

You're kinda leading him on, which isn't fair to him. You should probably stop dating this guy.

React

1 Person

talulahbee

1 y
He has known from the start that I don't have strong feelings, but we decided to give it a go in case maybe they would happen in time, but they haven't yet and it's been like 6mo and I think maybe he just got used to how things are and I don't know how to bring it up again
aftermydemise

1 y
There's really no easy way to do this, you just gotta sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. I know thats hard, and probably not something you wanna do. You'll probably hurt his feelings. But the sooner you bring it up the better.
talulahbee

1 y
Yea I never had to break up with anyone :( is there a best way to do it to still be friends? He's a really cool guy
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aftermydemise

1 y
I can't guarantee you guys will remain friends if you break up with him. Maybe? Maybe not? That all depends on how much he likes you, and how hurt he is by you breaking up with him. I would just be honest with him. Don't let him guilt trip you into staying with him either.
talulahbee

1 y
If I say that I want to stay friends and like hanging out with him is that guilt trip?
aftermydemise

1 y
No not at all. What I meant was, don't let him make you feel bad for not wanting to be with him, and then you just stay with him to avoid hurting his feelings.
talulahbee

1 y
Oh I get what u mean, sorry 1am and really tired. Thank u for the advice tho I appreciate
aftermydemise

1 y
No worries! Good luck! Anytime 😁

Answer 2

talulahbee

He has known from the start that I don't have strong feelings, but we decided to give it a go in case maybe they would happen in time, but they haven't yet and it's been like 6mo and I think maybe he just got used to how things are and I don't know how to bring it up again

Answer 3

aftermydemise

There's really no easy way to do this, you just gotta sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. I know thats hard, and probably not something you wanna do. You'll probably hurt his feelings. But the sooner you bring it up the better.

Answer 4

talulahbee

Yea I never had to break up with anyone :( is there a best way to do it to still be friends? He's a really cool guy

Answer 5

aftermydemise

I can't guarantee you guys will remain friends if you break up with him. Maybe? Maybe not? That all depends on how much he likes you, and how hurt he is by you breaking up with him. I would just be honest with him. Don't let him guilt trip you into staying with him either.

Answer 6

talulahbee

If I say that I want to stay friends and like hanging out with him is that guilt trip?

Answer 7

aftermydemise

No not at all. What I meant was, don't let him make you feel bad for not wanting to be with him, and then you just stay with him to avoid hurting his feelings.

Answer 8

talulahbee

Oh I get what u mean, sorry 1am and really tired. Thank u for the advice tho I appreciate

Answer 9

aftermydemise

No worries! Good luck! Anytime 😁

Answer 10

pajamasam

Yoda

You can, but it will definitely blow up in your face later down the road.

I've done this before and I ended up losing the friendship. My advice is to not open the can of worms if you dont really have intense feelings for him like that.

React

talulahbee

1 y
How do u mean about not open the can of worms? How would u recommend it?
pajamasam

1 y
If you just see him as a friend, pushing your self to have romantic feelings is a can of worms. If you do that there is no way to just go back to just friends without someone's feelings getting hurt.
talulahbee

1 y
If you're saying what I think you are then yea I think hurt feelings isn't avoidable :( just need to get it done I guess.

Answer 11

talulahbee

How do u mean about not open the can of worms? How would u recommend it?

Answer 12

pajamasam

If you just see him as a friend, pushing your self to have romantic feelings is a can of worms. If you do that there is no way to just go back to just friends without someone's feelings getting hurt.

Answer 13

talulahbee

If you're saying what I think you are then yea I think hurt feelings isn't avoidable :( just need to get it done I guess.

Answer 14

gandolph3

Yoda

You have a problem, and i get it. Your SO should always be your best friend, but your best friend isn't always your SO. Talk with him, be totally honest. And go from there.

React

talulahbee

1 y
I've never had to break up w someone before :(, I just don't want to lose a friend u know
gandolph3

1 y
yes i get it. honesty will hurt, but it will heal. dishonesty will create a wound that will only grow and get worse. and being honest does not mean you must quit being together. you can still do that, but he will know where your heart is, and you will know you are not leading him on. he may be hurt and need time, but if he is a friend, he will appreciate your honesty. it will not be easy
talulahbee

1 y
Well tru. I always said from the start to him I don't have really strong feelings but I wanted to see if they would happen bcus he's such a cool guy and we get along so well. And so like... I went along with things and it was fun or whatever but just not with those really big feelings... And now it's like 6mo later and I think he forgot that there is a problem maybe. I don't know. I have to tell him I just don't want to.
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gandolph3

1 y
some times what you want is not what you need, doing the right thing is never wrong

Answer 15

talulahbee

I've never had to break up w someone before :(, I just don't want to lose a friend u know

Answer 16

gandolph3

yes i get it. honesty will hurt, but it will heal. dishonesty will create a wound that will only grow and get worse. and being honest does not mean you must quit being together. you can still do that, but he will know where your heart is, and you will know you are not leading him on. he may be hurt and need time, but if he is a friend, he will appreciate your honesty. it will not be easy

Answer 17

talulahbee

Well tru. I always said from the start to him I don't have really strong feelings but I wanted to see if they would happen bcus he's such a cool guy and we get along so well. And so like... I went along with things and it was fun or whatever but just not with those really big feelings... And now it's like 6mo later and I think he forgot that there is a problem maybe. I don't know. I have to tell him I just don't want to.

Answer 18

gandolph3

some times what you want is not what you need, doing the right thing is never wrong

Answer 19

TallAnon | 1.9K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

If you're not into him, better be honest.

React

talulahbee

1 y
What would a girl say to u that would make u still want to be friends with her?
TallAnon

1 y
Whatever she says, as long as she says it asap.
talulahbee

1 y
Hmm. Ok thank u.