How does "not looking for a girlfriend" make a girl appear?

- Ignore that advice. Your biggest problem is that you're afraid to make moves, and the only way to get over that fear is to do that a lot more.
The blue anon down there said that you should be friends with a lot of people and treat women like friends, because making a move makes you look desperate. That can work if you're physically attractive and confident enough to pull the trigger when a woman is showing you enough interest, but I wouldn't suggest you do that because you're not confident enough to pull the trigger. You probably don't even know how to spot the signs.
I'd suggest that you start shooting your shot a lot more. You're too cautious, too afraid of rejection. You need to get rejected a bunch of times to realise that it's not a big deal.
Act too asexual and women will only ever see you as a platonic friend, or if they're interested they'll lose interest because you seem too uninterested or like you're a pussy. With women who are interested you have a window of opportunity where they want you to make something happen, and if you miss that window it's closed forever. Act too needy though and women will be turned off by your desperation.
You're already on the asexual side. You need to go to the other side before you can get to the middle. You don't need to worry about showing too much interest because you're showing none at all.Is this still revelant?- Show All Show Less
that guy doesn't make sense. "When women see you get rejected over and over, they see you as not worth having". Like I don't fucking get it
It's true. There's a term in psychology called "social proof". The idea behind it is that when people have limited information about anything they'll tend to look at how others respond to whatever it is, under the assumption that those people know more than they do. This goes for attraction, friends, products, everything.
That's what brands are. You want some cola, and you go into a shop. There's a brand you've never heard of, and there's a brand you know everybody drinks. Most likely you're gonna choose the brand everybody else drinks, because if they're drinking it you know it's good. You know nothing about the other brand, it might be shit.
With women, if other women are rejecting you, it's probably because there's something wrong with you. They'll assume bad things because they don't know you. That's negative social proof. If other woman want you, they'll assume more positive things about you - positive social proof. This is also known as pre-selection.
Women can also tell how successful with women you are though indirectly through your behaviour, the things you say and the things you believe.
I'd say that for you this should be less of a worry though, because you need to get over rejection first. Like I said, you're on the asexual end. You simply need to ask more women out and flirt more. Worry about that kind of stuff later once you've done that and had a few more dates.
Most Helpful Guy
- When woman realise that you're fine with or without them, it drives them fucking bananas.
For a lot of women it, seriously can put their ego on check and they will end up spending all this time thinking about you and trying to "figure him out"
So not exactly stop trying in that sense. Think of it more like how people say the most powerful card you have in a negotiation is to be willing to walk away. You'll never feel the ones who let you go and eventually someone is gonna try to get your attention before you go.
And then you play their little games with them. Don't ignore them but don't give them all your attention. Women are generally incredibly insecure and are almost always on some level of thinking "do I want something no one else wants?"
They NEED to be convinced you have some kind of value. And you're not just some guy who's while spiel is that you think she's hot and now you want to simp her. And the quality can be just about anything, it could be that you're funny or you have a good job or you're just fun to be around.
So yea hope that helps. And on the whole anxiety thing just remember, you got nothing to lose. There's 8 billion people out there man, plenty of fish.Is this still revelant?The harder you try to get a girl the less you'll find. Be patient. Look for the signs she's into you and don't rush into it. Take your time. Girls get turned off by a guy trying too hard. They want to feel a little like they need to chase you. And don't give them your undivided attention for an extended period of time without knowing them for a bit.
Be respectful, but leave them wanting more.Too bad I take too long to ask one out because I can never find the right time. stupid anxiety and fear prevents me from doing anything, and I avoid it, feeling like shit in the end
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You don't need to. Tbh most relationships I ended up in kinda happened naturally. Hang out as friends at first and eventually the right situation occurs where we end up doing something romantic or whatever. And then you have a conversation about it.
Also, once you embarrass yourself a few times and realised no one cares afterwards, that's gonna go away.The dating in my case kinda happened naturally. We met, found stuff to do together. Go to our favorite bar, see a movie, go bowling or something eventually you're at someone's house and it kinda keeps building up. And it can take anywhere fro. A couple days to months
I unexpectedly bumped into a girl a couple days ago while shopping, we talked briefly. I shouldve asked her out for coffee but I was afraid to. I missed a good opportunity
The worst thing that can happen is they say no.
You can ask for a coffee or for their contact info, social media usually being the safe bet.
Don't be afraid to embarrass yourself a little. You ever hear that saying about how someone who asks questions only looks like a moron for a moment but the one who doesn't looks stupid all the time?
The guy who doesn't try is single forever and the guy who does only has to feel bad a few times.
And you'll be surprised, if you look good and are pleasant to talk to, most girls will like you enough to at least give you contact info. A lot of them flake (keep in mind they're going through what you are too so they get nervous too) but anytime I get someone's number whatever happens next, thats an excuse to feel better about yourself lol.You know what it is? The reason I'm afraid and anxious is because im not willing to learn and grow from mistakes. So I shirk from work (i made that motto up, its either work or shirk)
Bud, if you're not making mistakes and learning from them, you're not living.
A lot of successful people are known for needing to overcome that. It's more than possible. You just need to recognize that until you start facing your fears and being willing to take that risk, you'll not only be failing but you'll be undercutting your goals for perfection. These things you want to achieve happen with time and the longer you take to start the worse you're gonna feel about yourself.
A better word would have been undermine. If you seek perfection, you're constantly in a state of less than that because you not trying and getting better (which is to say getting out there talking to people, making connections with them) is failure and it's as far as you can get from perfection.
That's what should bother you, knowing that you can do it but choosing not to.How is "perfect" even a word if nobody or anything is? Its like that episode of Star Trek where a robot named Nomad comes on board the Enterprise, claiming its perfect
Yeah. by the way I asked out a girl at work today who I thought I got along really well with, but she wasn't interested. Took it like a man. Part of growing. Maybe we didn't click.
Most Helpful Girls
- Not looking is somebody like me. A person who is celibate. You are still looking therefore, you may not get the type of person you may want simply because you're so concerned inches about getting somebody. At any given time you could have got somebody. But the real question is why do you really want or need somebody? I keep telling people before. You have to have logical and rational reasons to be involved in a relationship. Until you understand why you need to be in that kind of relationship and invite somebody in. 9 out of 10 times is self-serving desires when relationships are when you are in servitude of somebody. But they also must be practical reasons to have them. Such as Desiring to be married and have children and to be involved with a person who equally share those desires. What you're describing is not in a situation where you're not looking. You are anxiously looking but looking to take whatever route it means if it guarantees your success in getting anybody. In other words you're fishing. And you looking to see who's willing to take the bait.Is this still revelant?
- “Stop looking” doesn’t mean stop talking to women at all. It just means stop pressuring yourself into feeling like you need to go get a girlfriend. It’s just desperate, and often times it results in people getting into shitty relationships because they want to be in one so badly that they accept the first person that flirts with them. Just chill. Talk to women the way you would a friend, until you really get to know them. If you guys have a natural chemistry, then you let her know that you like her.Is this still revelant?
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24- Anonymous1 yHere's the deal. If you say you're looking for a girlfriend, their unconscious thoughts are: he's looking, but he's not taken, which means he's not worth having.
If you're in a relationship, a lot of girls will try to hook up with you anyway. Why? Because if you're taken, you're worth having.
If you tell them you're not looking for a relationship, then the "not taken = not worth having" part is null, and there's no guilt in it for her. Especially if you're not looking because you haven't found anybody worth pursuing. Because now you're a challenge!
It's not that a girl will magically appear. You still have to talk and flirt. But if you're just hanging out with friends and casually meeting and carrying on with women without doing all the stupid shit men do when they're chasing tail, women see you as 100x more desirable, challenging, and likable. You won't come off as a sleazeball, loser, cheater, whatever. And the more you treat them as just an acquaintance or friend, the more they'll try to prove they're worthy of pursuingReactLike
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I was with my guy friends last week at a bar. It was a blast, and as we left i smiled at this girl and she smiled back, but i psyched myself out and felt regret afterward
- Opinion Owner1 y
That's a success! Don't think of it as a failure. Go out with your friends, to the same place, and keep an eye out for her. If/ when you see her, smile at her again. If she smiles back again, you not only have the green light, you have the best icebreaker ever: "I saw you in here last week, didn't I?" "I remember that smile". Make some getting-acquainted small talk, and then invite her to hang out with you and your friends. But keep in mind: you're not jumping at the chance. You're getting to know her to see if she's worth pursuing. Nothing reeks like desperation.
Im not trying to be desperate. Im going out on a limb here and admit that im somewhat of a coward, who's afraid of making mistakes and learning from them and a very sensitive person
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- Opinion Owner1 y
That's part of the beauty of what I'm advising. It limits the sting of rejection because you're not laying all your cards on the table right off the bat. You get to know her a little bit and go from there. If she isn't really interested, you'll know before you stick your neck out. But to her, you're mysterious and a challenge. More gentlemanly. A little bit aloof
Seduction is best played as a game of subtlety. - Opinion Owner1 y
Setting your sarcasm aside for the moment:
All of this was once common knowledge. Seduction was an art. Glances, smiles, subtle gestures, finding excuses to get some alone time. We've lost that in the age of hookups and low expectations. But if you'll pay attention, you'll see that women still crave that game. Learn how to play it right, and you'll always win. - Opinion Owner1 y
He does, but I think he misunderstood what I meant. You do make moves. You just don't make the stupid moves that get you shot down and walking away in shame. The most important thing is to make reasonably sure she's interested. If she's not showing the signs, hold off. She'll get a little less subtle, and that's a big tell-tale. That's her trying to reel you in. Maybe she'll say something about being single. Maybe she'll play with her hair while looking in your eyes while you're talking. That's the time to make the big move.
The best way I can state it is that you ask her with your eyes and body language before you ask her in words. It's like a dance.
If you just walk up to random women and "shoot your shot", you'll eventually get one to say yes. But is that the one you really want? You gonna just settle for an easy target that anyone could get? How many hard rejections can you take before feeling like absolute dog shit? When women see you get shot down constantly, what does that do to their opinion of you (hint: look at my first post). There's a better way.
- Yea some people told me too that when I stop looking for girls it will come out of the blue, 'unexpected'. The meaning behind it is that if you are looking for a girl, you set yourself under pressure and force it, and if you're not looking your having a calmer attitudeReact
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- Not looking is a waste of time because you could passup on “the one”. Sure its good to let the majority come to you but its also ok to look tooReact
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- I'm not sure what your question is
You can't just wait around and hope someone magically appears like you have to get to know someoneReactLike
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My question is, is it wrong to like a girl? Because if people say you meet someone when you stop looking, whats the point of thinking a girl is cute? do you just not think about girls at all and all of a sudden one appears, like a romantic comedy?
No when people say you will find someone when you aren't looking it just mean you shouldn't have any *expectations*
This happened to me. I wasn't looking and I found my partner. It started out with a simple talking to each other and feelings developed and boom now I'm with him years. So basically find a cute girl and spark up a conversation, but keep your expectations low. See where things go.
- Anonymous1 yMy brother is around your age and never been on a date with his whole lifeReact
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- no luck with dating apps or online dating either?React
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