Why do I miss my toxic ex?

I ended things with my ex about 6 months ago. We got on really well, had similar interests, the same sense of humour, found eachother attractive, could talk for hours. When it was good it was really great

But when it was bad- he would drink a lot and be mean/spiteful towards me, he could be controlling at times and very selfish, subtly trying to manipulate me to do things his way. He was hot and cold at times and gave mixed messages. His drinking and drunk actions caused me to eventually end things.

We’ve kept some contact as we work together. We even briefly got back together but I ended things again as we disagreed on his previous actions and he doesn’t get why I can’t just forget it and he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong.

I don’t think he’s good for me, but why do I miss him so much? Why do I compare every guy to him? It’s like I hold onto the good times/ how well we got on before and I’m worried if I won’t find that connection again. I ended things for a reason but now I’m miserable thinking he’s not part of my life. I don’t know what to do or think
Why do I miss my toxic ex?
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