Girls: How Would You Respond to this Scenario?

I want to know how girls would respond to a scenario.

I asked this question before and got only reassurance (which was nice), but now I'm looking for something different.

I want you to think before you answer so there's no automatic don't-feel-bad-about-yourself response from girls. I don't feel bad about myself. But I want to know what I might expect when girls learn about some baggage that's effected my dating life.

Before you answer, take a few minutes. Imagine how you'd react, what your opinion might be, what you might say, and what you think of long-term or short-term relationships with a guy in this scenario.

Here's the scenario:

You meet a 31 year old guy. He's tall and good looking. He's funny in a dry way, very intelligent. He seems a little shy sometimes, but he's not a social misfit. He has a good-paying, stable job.

After a few dates you start to really like him, and you think about getting exclusive.

However, you learn he has been on only a handful of dates and has very little physical experience with girls due to suffering sexual abuse in his childhood. For most of his life he was deep in depression. Only in the last few years has he started to deal with the abuse and getting his life on track.

How might you respond in a scenario like this?

I'm asking because I recently told a female friend that I was a virgin, and she was shocked. She assumed I got laid a lot -- which was a good ego boost, I admit -- and initially thought I was kidding about being a virgin.

My friend's response made me wonder how dates might react to a scenario like this.

Thanks to all who replied. I know my baggage is going to come up eventually as I keep dating, and I wanted a little insight into the female perspective.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I would be shocked and would probably want to ask a lot of questions but would restrain myself from doing so. Because I wouldn't want to offend you in any way. I would just listen to whatever you feel comfortable sharing. A part of me would feel bad about what had happen to you but a bigger part would be happy for you that you've gotten out of the depression and started getting your life on track. And if I really liked you I would say something like "I can help you broaden your physical experience" just to lighten the mood, of course hoping it would result in a smile or a laugh.and if it offends you then I would feel like an ass haha.

    Anyways I think that would be my initial reaction. Hope this somewhat helps you. :)


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • First off let me say that I wouldn't tell something as personal as this to just any girl that I would date. I would make sure that she is someone kind, caring and someone you trust and would want to pursure a relationship with. Secondly, are you getting some sort of help? Do you speak to someone about your feelings and such? This is important and should help you work though your problems. Also, let me say that hearing your story really hurts me deeply. I don't see how anyone can abuse a child in any way, shape or form. I think how you feel is understandable and it is good that you are trying to come to terms with it. I would just wait till you find someone special and worthwhile who will help you work through any pain you may have. I think a lot of women whould be understand of your situation, though.

    • Thanks for the answer.

      I know this part of my past isn't 1st date material, but I also know it'll be a big factor in a serious relationship.

      And yes, I've been to counseling and will probably return when I need some help getting back on track.

  • Honestly, I would be kinda shocked at first but completely ok with it. In fact, I have a friend with a similar issue and he is still a virgin @ 29. Nothing wrong with that. Everyone has something that has impacted their life in one way or another. A woman reacting like your friend did is a high possiblity, but the she also shouldn't keep bringing it up or asking too many questions. I think the RIGHT woman will completely understand and OK with it. Good luck!

    • My friend didn't keep bringing up the issue. I was talking to her about the abuse and the subject simply drifted to my past girlfriends and partners. She'd simply assumed I dated a lot, and I never said otherwise until recently.

    • I meant whoever you might be dating at the time, not your friend. I'm sure whoever your dating would be curious, but they shouldn't bring it up often & ask a lot of detailed questions. Sorry, I should have worded it better!

    • Thanks for clarifying.

  • I may end up saying something to suit the occassion but this is how I honestly would think:

    .Glad that you are most likely free of STDs and bad sexual habits youve had from other sexual encounters.

    But also may be concern that you may be more successful at pleasing yourself than the love making partner.

  • id be really surprised. but it wouldn't stop me from seeing you. especially if I started really falling for you, it wouldn't change anything. I would be there and help as much as I could to help you get over your past.

    one plus, I wouldn't have to worry about catching anything.

  • If it was a guy I found an attraction and emotional connection to then his past won't change a thing. Finding someone to even like is rare.

  • i would probably be surprised like she was, but that's the thing, would I have known about your past experience with the abuse? but if then you had explained your past situation, I would have probably asked you what happened, and if you're seeing a psychologist and massage therapist me, massage therapy is great for this kind of helps you relax so you can get used to a new harmless helps me:)

    • I've been to massage therapy regularly for a while, and yes, it's been very helpful!

  • Umm I probably would just feel bad and do all I could tro ease that fear. I wounldnt blame him for it! Many kids go through tramas like that but it doesn't make them weird or different.


What Guys Said 1

  • I think there are two issues here.

    firstly, the abuse you suffered

    secondly, the lack of sexual experience

    I don't think its in anyway neccessary to explain these issues together. I.e. if a lass told me she was sexual inexpereinced, Id think okay. Just means you have to go slow. but if she said she was abused as a child and was sexualy inexperienced, id put the two together. start wonder if she was going to start crying during sex. then id start wondering if I have a girl friend or a psychology patient.

    Most people will expect sex at least one month into a relationship, so you will have to tell them you are sexual inexperinced after dating for a month; but one month is too early to say the abuse thing. Dropping an issue like that , that early into a relationship, will freak people out and have them running. Id wait 3 months before I mention that issue.

    • Very insightful observation.

      Breaking the question into smaller parts makes it easier to manage each component separately.