What would make a guy see you as a back up plan?

Question

Are there times where it works being or having a back up that would end well? Or are all back up plans pointless because it could never last?

Answer 1

winterfox10 | 4K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Never never never ever put up with being someone's back up plan at any point in time. It's a sign of disrespect, and if they know they can keep you on hold indefinitely they will always play every other option on the field before giving you a chance. There's no risk for them with doing the back up plan. The reason they'll do that is because no one ever actually wants to do the back up plan; they aren't invested in doing the back up plan. The back up plan is what you do when the plan you genuinely invested in doesn't work out, and you need an alternative that doesn't leave you feeling worse off.

KrakenAttackin

1 mo
Almost every woman who gets married is marrying her "back up man". They all want the giga-chad but they can't hold on to him.
Asker

1 mo
@KrakenAttackin maybe

Answer 2

KrakenAttackin

Almost every woman who gets married is marrying her "back up man". They all want the giga-chad but they can't hold on to him.

Answer 3

Asker

@KrakenAttackin maybe

Answer 4

Citizenkirk | 189 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 7

Back up plan, as in a road flair, in case your all weather tires are not all the manufacturer promised, or an extra set of batteries, in case the ones in your flashlight crap out on you on a camping trip?
Please tell me you are not referring too human beings, because that would seriously deplete my confidence in human nature.
In the unsavory event that you are, more specifically, referring too a lady as a spare girlfriend, wait, I have too evacuate the contents of my stomach before continuing.
There, no more dinner in my tum, tum, thanks to you, bum, bum.
I'm going too pretend I didn't read this question, for your sake, as well as mine, subhuman!

Answer 5

testersite00 | 63 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 5

as a forever backup plan, in friends and romance alike, i'm super loyal and a little clueless. so as long as they don't directly piss me off, i will always be there for them. i'm reliable, funny, available, down for anything, and i never complain. i'm the PERFECT backup plan.

Answer 6

Thatasianlove16 | 152 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 5

Just think about it if a guy just sees you as a back up plan that means he only sees you is someone that he can rebound with. Rebounds usually don’t work out well. Because there’s really no plan for the future.

Asker

1 mo
Could well be, yeah.
Thatasianlove16

1 mo
Wouldn’t you want a dude to just look at you and just say I wanna take her seriously right off the get-go sometimes it doesn’t start like that are you see some guys were like OK I wanna get to know her she seems cool oh wait feelings. And that’s how sometimes rebounds go but if you’re already a side piece they really don’t see your worth and they rarely ever do
Thatasianlove16

1 mo
There are when you see some guys^
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Asker

1 mo
Of course, never said I didn’t. It’s not a personal discussion, just sharing thoughts and views in general.
Thatasianlove16

1 mo
Yeah I’m not saying that you’re arguing with it I’m just saying like it just doesn’t look good no matter what unless someone’s OK with being worked on as that usually there delusional and think that it’s going to get farther but it really ever does
Asker

1 mo
I mean yeah that can often be the case, love does make people do some crazy things sometimes. But although not common, I do think there are some legitimate reasons where it can work out too.
Asker

1 mo
But the danger is everyone thinks they could be that one. It’s always best to remain objective.
Thatasianlove16

1 mo
Exactly it’s because everyone thinks that they can be the one in the end up wasting their time
Asker

1 mo
Well some do. I’m just saying the ones that don’t need to work on being objective. I’m not saying that’s always easy though, just that it’s benefit them if they tried.

Answer 7

Asker

Could well be, yeah.

Answer 8

Thatasianlove16

Wouldn’t you want a dude to just look at you and just say I wanna take her seriously right off the get-go sometimes it doesn’t start like that are you see some guys were like OK I wanna get to know her she seems cool oh wait feelings. And that’s how sometimes rebounds go but if you’re already a side piece they really don’t see your worth and they rarely ever do

Answer 9

Thatasianlove16

There are when you see some guys^

Answer 10

Asker

Of course, never said I didn’t. It’s not a personal discussion, just sharing thoughts and views in general.

Answer 11

Thatasianlove16

Yeah I’m not saying that you’re arguing with it I’m just saying like it just doesn’t look good no matter what unless someone’s OK with being worked on as that usually there delusional and think that it’s going to get farther but it really ever does

Answer 12

Asker

I mean yeah that can often be the case, love does make people do some crazy things sometimes. But although not common, I do think there are some legitimate reasons where it can work out too.

Answer 13

Asker

But the danger is everyone thinks they could be that one. It’s always best to remain objective.

Answer 14

Thatasianlove16

Exactly it’s because everyone thinks that they can be the one in the end up wasting their time

Answer 15

Asker

Well some do. I’m just saying the ones that don’t need to work on being objective. I’m not saying that’s always easy though, just that it’s benefit them if they tried.

Answer 16

JPrez | 182 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

Sometimes it does. Typically it's when one person is pursuing someone and they see you as a viable second prospect so they string you along and go after the original person. Maybe the other person is super hot or they have an awesome personality and you are like the first runner up a the beauty pageant. Sometimes the pursuit of the original person crashes and burns so they circle back to their second choice and realize they should have been the first choice all along. Could happen.

Answer 17

TessCasie | 103 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 5

When he is unsure about you.
or
when he isn’t sure whether he is ready to be in relationship with you considering his life circumstances.

Asker

1 mo
Yeah very true. So the former could be a write off, while the latter could pan out.

Answer 18

Asker

Yeah very true. So the former could be a write off, while the latter could pan out.

Answer 19

Anonymous

Never allow yourself to become a backup plan not only does it not work out but it’s basically giving the person permission to use you whenever they want

Asker

1 mo
I don’t need advice on what to do since I’m confident in my capabilities. I’m simply just curious about better understanding other people’s reasons and experiences around back up options.
Asker

1 mo
For example, I used to (unintentionally I suppose) have back up plans when I was younger because rejection and vulnerability was harder to deal with then, so a back up plan was a distraction from that pain to sweeten the blow of possible rejection. But as an adult I feel better equipped to deal with it all now so I don’t feel I need a back up plan. I don’t let myself get involved too much too soon with anyone until it’s had some time to feel genuinely right. I wouldn’t even consider marriage still until at least after 3 years (it always baffles me a little when I see people getting married sooner).
Asker

1 mo
It’s interesting that you say they never work out though. I presume that’s just in your experience because I have a feeling that some may somewhere, hence the question. I think it would depend on dynamics. But I agree for the most part it’s probably more unlikely to work.

Answer 20

Asker

I don’t need advice on what to do since I’m confident in my capabilities. I’m simply just curious about better understanding other people’s reasons and experiences around back up options.

Answer 21

Asker

For example, I used to (unintentionally I suppose) have back up plans when I was younger because rejection and vulnerability was harder to deal with then, so a back up plan was a distraction from that pain to sweeten the blow of possible rejection. But as an adult I feel better equipped to deal with it all now so I don’t feel I need a back up plan. I don’t let myself get involved too much too soon with anyone until it’s had some time to feel genuinely right. I wouldn’t even consider marriage still until at least after 3 years (it always baffles me a little when I see people getting married sooner).

Answer 22

Asker

It’s interesting that you say they never work out though. I presume that’s just in your experience because I have a feeling that some may somewhere, hence the question. I think it would depend on dynamics. But I agree for the most part it’s probably more unlikely to work.

Answer 23

iseekpinetrees | 378 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

When he's interested in you but not willing to go forward with his feelings.

Answer 24

KrakenAttackin | 1.2K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

The girl with more "mileage" will usually be the backup.

Asker

1 mo
Mileage?
KrakenAttackin

1 mo
More sexual partners in her past.
Asker

1 mo
Ahh okay. Is that really the case? I don’t know.

Answer 25

Asker

Mileage?

Answer 26

KrakenAttackin

More sexual partners in her past.

Answer 27

Asker

Ahh okay. Is that really the case? I don’t know.

Answer 28

Newhead | 120 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

He will make you a backup if you let him, respect yourself and tell him to go suk himself.

Answer 29

Luvme66 | 237 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Explorer

being always available.
taking mean comments and not fighting back.
who listens to you babble about your boyfriends treatment.

Answer 30

Anonymous

It works as long as you are FWBs ane she does not know you only use her when you fail to get laid on a date.

Asker

1 mo
I imagine that rarely happens since girls are always on the look out with that. It’s always sensed but some just choose to ignore it.

Answer 31

Asker

I imagine that rarely happens since girls are always on the look out with that. It’s always sensed but some just choose to ignore it.

Answer 32

DennisWatkins91

Xper 1

You may be attractive, but the guy doesn't see the prospect of a long-term relationship. Traits may be the reason.

Answer 33

Anonymous

Pretty men know that women will throw themselves at them without caring how big an asshole they are. So they don't see the need to be loyal to any one. If your man is hot... then he probably has 6 or so women waiting to replace you.

Answer 34

sensible27 | 582 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

I guess some people just see people as options

Asker

1 mo
Obviously. The question is why.
sensible27

1 mo
because evolution and society and behavioral psychology and evolutionary psychology. because what you or society see as morally "right" isn't necessarily what's favored by the universe. I'm not exactly in the best mood³ this isn't meant to be rude
If you load a bullet and give someone the gun they would use it
Asker

1 mo
Right, time out for you then mr. Lol. To your last question I’d say no because no normal person goes around shooting others for the sake of nothing simply because they’re holding a loaded gun.

Answer 35

Asker

Obviously. The question is why.

Answer 36

sensible27

because evolution and society and behavioral psychology and evolutionary psychology. because what you or society see as morally "right" isn't necessarily what's favored by the universe. I'm not exactly in the best mood³ this isn't meant to be rude
If you load a bullet and give someone the gun they would use it

Answer 37

Asker

Right, time out for you then mr. Lol. To your last question I’d say no because no normal person goes around shooting others for the sake of nothing simply because they’re holding a loaded gun.

Answer 38

Wise4myage | 1K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

He probably thinks your easy to get into bed.

Asker

1 mo
Yeah I can see that being a motivating factor. I’m not sure that’s always the case though? Or is it?
Wise4myage

1 mo
No not always.
Asker

1 mo
What other reasons do you see?
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Wise4myage

1 mo
Just being friends I guess.
Asker

1 mo
Yeah I’d do this too tbh, I’m good with being friends. But some guys try for more and that’s a line that I won’t cross personally then they get all weird when they wonder why you don’t want more.
Wise4myage

1 mo
Then stick with being his friend.
Asker

1 mo
I do, one doesn’t mind and the other has gone quiet lol.

Answer 39

Asker

Yeah I can see that being a motivating factor. I’m not sure that’s always the case though? Or is it?

Answer 40

Wise4myage

No not always.

Answer 41

Asker

What other reasons do you see?

Answer 42

Wise4myage

Just being friends I guess.

Answer 43

Asker

Yeah I’d do this too tbh, I’m good with being friends. But some guys try for more and that’s a line that I won’t cross personally then they get all weird when they wonder why you don’t want more.

Answer 44

Wise4myage

Then stick with being his friend.

Answer 45

Asker

I do, one doesn’t mind and the other has gone quiet lol.

Answer 46

bamesjond0069 | 1.4K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

Usually the sluttier girl is the backup plan.

Answer 47

RebeccaBecca95

Xper 3

I an’t go be anyone Plan B. I rather be single.

Answer 48

imfreeze95 | 77 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 5

Previous psychological trauma

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