If most single moms are honest with themselves. They're looking for a guy can be a father figure for their children. As well as a man who will help with the bills unless she's well off financially.Which tends to be connected to moving in or her moving on to a guy who will. The average single mom is asking for a guy to take on the role and responsibilities of father without the respect or full power to be that in the family relationship.That's the primary problem. If a single mom can allow herself to let the man be the leader in the relationship. Put him first and really work with him with trust in his decisions. Then it can work.How many single moms do you know that have done that? If they have i bet they're happily with a new man. If they haven't I bet dating has been a struggle or they're "putting up with" a guy for the sake of stability while having a shit relationship, because she questions him and doesn't respect his role in the relationship
No, I don't have any kids yet. Thanks for sharing your answer.
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Here's the thing: you'll always be second to kids whether or not they're yours so if you can't handle that, it's still going to be an issue you'll face when you have your own.I don't think a woman can reasonably expect a new partner to raise her kids from someone else. If she wants financial support she should be claiming it legally from the father
@Maxilicious listen dude there is no such thing as marrying a woman with kids then not help her pay for her kids college. You sound like you lack life experience Here’s what’s gonna happen:Your wife is busy paying for her 2 kids college education which may cost her 40k-60k a year. Her annual salary is probably only 40-70k. She takes out a loan for her children. You’re gonna be responsible for the debt too because you are the husband. Debt collectors will come after you too, not only her Since your wife is paying most of her salary for her kids college, who is gonna be paying the mortgage , car insurance , property taxes , retirement , gas, internet , light bill? YOU WILL BE PAYING FOR EVERYTHING
@Maxilicious and if you are to complain about being second to YOUR OWN children, then I can already tell you won’t be a decent father. Decent fathers who love their children to the utmost , have no problem with their wives showering his kids with the utmost attention. Parents already have each other , kids don’t have anyone else to love them other than mom and dad.
@Maxilicious being a parent is all about selflessness. A Man Unwilling to be selfless is not a real parent at heart
That's why she gets the father to pay support as he is LEGALLY required.
@Maxilicious It depends on the arrangement. If the father is also the custodial parent, then he is not required to pay child support. This means if the kid lives with mom half the year and then the father half the year. But for college tuition payments, there is no guarantee that the step father won't have to help the wife pay. When your wife takes those loans out, you will immediately feel the financial consequences in your household.
It entirely depends on arrangements and future hubbies should take note before entering into such unions. Having said that, loans may well cover most if not all the fees. I don't see why parents would automatically pay for college when the child can take on the debt, work for grants, scholarships, get a side job, etc. College isn't for everyone, many kids don't have the ability or the willpower to knuckledown and do well in college so it's something to be earned not a right considering costs.
Now if a guy doesn't want to "sweat the details" and discuss and make agreement about finances before marriage - that's really foolish.
@Maxilicious Grants, scholarships are not substantial enough to cover most of your tuition. Scholarships and grants are difficult to get unless your child is exceptionally talented or skilled in something, which most kids aren't. There is a substantial sum that you must pay in order to send your child to college. And your child frequently won't have the credit history to take out 50k in loans. You will have to use YOUR credit history to take out such a huge loan. Even if you want to put the loans on your child. You will often be the CO SIGNER of the loan which means that if your child doesn't pay it back, creditors will pester you and your wife to pay them back until your death.
@Maxilicious listen dude, if you're willing to marry a step mom with two kids that are entering college. There is no real way to avoid being financially hurt by it.
Any loan that she takes out, you will also be legally responsible for. And even if you don't want to help pay the loan, she will be spending all her income paying back the loan and paying for tuition. You will be the only one left to pay all the bills, which leaves you poor as hell. And don't be surprised if she skips dinner for the night just because she wants to save up some more money to pay for her son's college.
that’s actually really sad.
Oh no that's awful. Do you think the ex will always be there to haunt us?
I don’t have experience with this honestly I only have second hand knowledge but I have a friend who is a single mom and every time the dad gets involved with someone she asks like she is crazy and starts drama and I can tell it’s just bc she is jealous.
I am single mom but the dad is not involved so I have never had baby daddy momma drama.
None of that makes me feel uncomfortable however, having to deal with a mean ex is what bothers me the most.
His kid lives in another country.
Your S/O's kid does?
If he's attentive to you but also has his moment with his kid, I think that'd be okay. How do you feel about it?
I absolutely love his daughter she can't talk yet but she's the sweetest little thing in the world and she likes me from the beginning. The reason why I asked this question because so many people my friends included said it's a nightmare to date someone who has kids and so far my experience has been great better than I could imagine.
Then you have nothing to worry about! I feel like if he sees that, he'll be comfortable that someone like you isn't bothered by him having kids.