Do abusers really mean it when they say they’ll change and ask for a second chance?

[Screenwriter]

Abusers always say they're sorry and they won't ever do it again. And for awhile, they can usually stop their abuse.
But they're like alcoholics and drug addicts. It takes REHAB for them to stop. Lots of therapy, 12 step programs, constant vigilence.
Unless someone who's abusive commits to longterm therapy and working out their issues, they will never stop abusing others.
It's better for you to leave an abuser than to hope they mean that they will change, UNLESS they are at work on help to change through therapy and group programs RIGHT NOW.
No promises about the future. No stating that they don't need that kind of help they can do it on their own. This isn't quitting smoking. Their actions ACTIVELY injure other people.
Unless this is a longterm relationship that you've invested a lot in: children, home, family connections, move on.
There are far more people who are NOT ABUSIVE around who you can make friends with, who you can trust to NOT abuse you emotionally or physically. Seek them out.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people do change... but when it comes to physical abusers, I have yet to personally only know one who has taken the steps to change. I will give two personal life scenerios..

1. My ex of 7 years; my children's father. He was narcissistic and manipulative. Incredibly self centered and sexist. He told me all the time that I belonged in the kitchen. Made every attempt possible to ruin my relationship with my kids. And he got physical twice before I body slammed him back in retaliation and sent him flying one day. After I handed his ass to him on a silver platter, he pushed me so hard that it broke the drywall and told everyone I called him a spic, when I didn't. This caused a lot of retaliation from his family, who then tried stripping my kids from me because I was "racist". We split up 5 years ago and he appeared to be doing better. He said he was going to change and I thought he had. Turns out that he had been beating the absolute shit out of his new girlfriend before she got the chance to leave.

2. My current boyfriend.. he was super toxic in the beginning and I was blind to it because i was madly in love. He would leave me, manipulate me and then come back home as if nothing happened. This lasted a year. One day I snapped because he called my family retarded and then chucked me across the room. here's the difference between my ex and my current... after my current boyfriend chucked me across the room, he checked himself into therapy, got a gym membership and actively tried working on himself. He has not put his hands on me once since because he actually wanted to be better. It's been 3 years since that happened.

Point being, if they want to change, they will. And they more than likely won't tell you. They won't make a big deal out of it and expect praise. They will just do it because they want to be better.

[Massageman]

The Farmer and the Snake
One winter day, a farmer found a snake by the roadside, stiff and motionless with cold.
"If you put me inside your shirt," the snake said, "your body will make me warm and I won't freeze to death."
"Oh, I know your kind," replied the farmer. "If I pick you up, you will bite me."
"Oh no," the snake objected. "Why would I do such a thing, if you are good enough to help me?"
So the farmer had compassion on the snake, and taking it up, he put it inside his shirt. The warmth quickly revived the snake, and resuming its natural instincts, it bit its benefactor, inflicting on him a mortal wound. "Oh," cried the farmer with his last breath, "why did you bite me? You promised you wouldn't."
"Ah," said the snake. "So I did. But you knew I was a snake when you picked me up."

Seldom - if ever- do they mean it. They will stay in control of the other people until the others finally break away and quit becoming co-dependent.

[kkirk4442]

Do abusers mean it when they ask for a second chance? Often they do mean it. But the issue is not just do they mean it, but are they doing what is necessary to keep it from happening again. Sincerity in intent, does not make up for lack of planning and getting help, so that another abusive happening doesn't take place. Along with sincerely asking for forgiveness, the abuser needs to get professional help in order to find the cause of the abusing, and to find ways and coping skills in order to keep from being abusive again. Without the specific actions taken, and sticking to the plan, there is no reason to believe that the abuse will not happen again. Promises alone are no good.

[holly543]

usually no. get away from them when its safe to do so.

[ThatQuietLass]

Nope. You already label them ab abuser. Take a hint.

[Anonymous]

My ex boyfriend was mentally abusing me and even threated me with his suicide several times. So i did him a favor, buy him a rob but unfortunately he is still alive.

[Ackpain]

some people do change after months counseling and rehab

[spartan55]

Not a chance. Are you willing to bet your life on it?

[Anonymous]

Like what is an "abuser" in particular? Sometime get exaggerrgated.

[jgokgotit]

No they do not mean it. If they abuse you once it will happen again.

[Demosiac]

No they don't. Abusers abuse things, even the idea of changing.

[Anonymous]

Let me tell you one thing they really never change they may say they will but they really won’t which is sad. All I can say is you deserve so much better!!

[Juxtapose]

Nah, some things you just can't come back from and unprovoked violence is one of them.

[Midnight_Kiss]

No, they just want to confirm with themselves that they still have control over you.

[TadCurious]

They typically do that to reel their victim back in so the cycle can continue.

[areswolf]

Sometimes they mean it but sometimes they just want to take revenge

[Anonymous]

No they don't. They are just telling you what you want to hear.

[Karthik_M]

Definitely not! It takes more than a promise to change.

[Hmmmbetternothere]

I don't think most do. Consider how selfish they are. Think most of them just giving lip service to satisfy themselves.

[argyle]

No. That is standard practice for control freaks and abusers. They don't mean it.

[In_Trance]

Nope

[Anonymous]

Not unless there's an something/someone keeping an eye on them.

[JuliaStyles]

Yeah, they do, for about a few minutes at least.

[V12NI]

Of course not, and these texts look so pathetic lol

[Dinosaursandanime65]

No official answer but the guy your talking to is lying.

[iseekpinetrees]

No its a tactic to get you back.

[Curiousguy125]

No! Run, faster the better. A leopard can’t change its spots! Remember that saying

[msc545]

No, and they will do it again and again, apologizing after each incident.

[worldscolide]

Never... Honest to goodness never.

[Anonymous]

Of course not
That is abuse 101

[locutus9999]

If he was an abuser... stay away!

[KrakenAttackin]

How were you "abused"?

[OddBeMe]

Unlikely. Better to cut if off.

[cjgsu]

Nah, they also good at manipulation as well.

[jshm2]

Sure! 0.00000001% of the time.

[anon1903]

Almost never. Even the ones in therapy.

[sheikalana]

From my personal experience. No.

[Everglow5]

Sometimes

[CrazyGirl2]

Oh HELL NO!

[TikiTook]

No, they do not

[Cherokeehp]

Nope

[Alyssa11]

Nope.

[luvstoned4him]

It didn't for me

[Don-__-Don]

Hell no.

[JustACuriousLady]

Second chances dont matter. People dont change.

[jimmy2]

No way they are as they are

[the_imperfectionist]

NEVER

[GoogleWasMyIdea]

Don't fall for it.

[OceanMelon]

No, they say it so you stay with them.

[S8nBam]

A leapord never changes its spots

[Troychapman10]

Nah its just to pull you back

[EssenceOfLight]

No...

[Snakeyes7]

Its not a good idea to count on it.

[Agem123]

Never fall for that, never!!

[Wewladdy]

No lmao

[pizzalovershouse]

Nope they dont

[Jakeofalltrades93]

no they don't

[KingdomForAKiss]

No. They don't.

[41506_]

never

[Jmmmfi4]

Nope

[Biancatsumi1991]

Most of them don't.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not