How do I prevent leading on my male friend?

My boyfriend and I have our problems, but recently we worked out some of them and I've never felt closer to him. The only problem is, when I was mad at him, I asked a male friend of mine to hang out. Not a date or anything. I had no intention of cheating, but I guess I was being insensitive to his feelings. My boyfriend says I'm allowed to do whatever I want, but I know that if he saw me and my friend together alone, he would not be happy. I still want to maintain a friendship with my buddy, but I really don't want it to look like cheating. He recently asked me to hang out with him, and although I want to, I really don't want to do anything that would break any trust with my boyfriend (or give him reason to cheat on me). I suggested he hang out with me AND some other friends so it doesn't look like a date. What else should I do? I tell him that I love my boyfriend, so hopefully that helps. And for the record, I think my male friend is very attractive and I think he may have feelings for me. I don't know how I'd feel if I was single, but the point is, I'm not, and I don't want to lead him on.

that last sentence doesn't mean that I want to hook up with my male friend. We became friends after I started dating my boyfriend, so I've always sort of seen him as just a friend, on the basis that I would never cheat on my boyfriend.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can hang out with someone and not lead them on. Just watch what you do. Make sure your flirting is limited and that you don't get physical beyond a hello and goodbye hug. You don't need your boyfriend's permission to hang out with other people. If his trust is weak enough to be broken because you hang out with a male friend, then you guys have to work some things out.

    The main part is to make sure you keep it clear to this friend of yours that you aren't interested in him by not being touchy feely and not flirting. The problem I see is that you don't trust yourself since you are interested in this male friend and you probably have suppressed feelings for him. It's never a good thing if you only see him "as just a friend, on the basis that [you] would never cheat on [your] boyfriend." If you saw him as just a friend, that is one thing but you see him as that because you aren't single which would mean that somewhere along the line, you have some sort of feelings for him. This is fine as long as you don't act on them, and control yourself around him.

    • I know I definitely won't do anything. I just don't think he's ugly, basically. so I'm not UNattracted to him, but it doesn't mean I have feelings for him. I just know that if my boyfriend saw me with an ugly guy he'd probably feel better, but this guy is actually kind of cute.

    • Then he should stop being insecure.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Ask your boyfriend if he'd really be alright with you hanging out with a guy friend of yours, if he is really okay with it, then go ahead and hang out with him.

    I hope you two can learn to trust each other enough for things like that, and frankly, you have every right to have a social life outside of your boyfriend.

    • I know he's OK with me hanging out with a few male friends at the same time, but I'm not sure how he would feel about me and just ONE male friend. The thing is, this guy is not friends with my other friends, so if we were to hang out, it would just be me and him. But I wouldn't want it to look like a date, and I know that if my boyfriend's friends saw us, they would assume the worst. How can I hang out with him without going on a date or looking like I am?

    • Then ask him if it's okay if you hang out with 1 male friend because he's not friends with any of your other friends.

  • i know wut you mean. been there. but the other way around lol. being I'm a guy.

    the easiest thing you can do. and it worked fine with me was. talk to you friend

    and let him know straight out the circumstances. and make it clear that you can be friends. but that line is not be crossed.(while you are still going out with ur b/f. that optional lol.)

    and to avoid any problems. it would be best to hang out with more peers. that way there is no way rumors can be initiated. and if he does like you and considers you a friend. he will understand. and just put it to him. as how he would feel if that the scenario was the other way around. as in he was your boyfriend and your acutall boyfriend was that good friend. how would he feel better. I don't know if you get my drift.

    • I do! I just don't know if the friend is actually interested, and although we're friends, we haven't known each other for a looong time, and I feel like it's a little presumptuous to tell him that we can't be more than friends, when he may not even want that anyway! I've decided I will want to hang out with him WITH other people. That's a good idea. It's not like he's going to kiss me or vice versa in front of a ton of people.

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