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1 mo
Do I hate myself if I have a preference for white men?
just_a_potato
Yoda
- My parents were kids during the social upheavals of the 60's. They saw the massive changes, both good and bad, sweeping through society. And they reached the conclusion "racism sucks", which I've always found it hard to disagree with. One day, years and years ago, my sister brought her then-boyfriend to a family gathering for the first time. Mom was surprised to find out he was black, and told me afterwards that she was thrilled. Because her daughter was so incredibly "progressive" that she was dating outside of her ethnicity? No- because in all her talking up of this guy, she'd never even mentioned his skin color. It simply didn't matter.
Somewhere along the line, that ideal fell out of favor. I guess Society At Large decided that it was time for a new religion, that kept the narrow-minded judgementalness but abandoned the universal human brotherhood. "Human" is your race, Potato. (Now THERE'S a sentence you've probably never read before!). White guys qualify. The sooner everyone remembers that we're all human, the sooner we'll start acting like it.1|00|0Is this still revelant?
Most Helpful Guy
Anonymous1 moNope. I can understand your feelings as well as your aunt's feelings.
This is why father, , brothers , mother's, act possessive of their daughters and Don's. This is why they want them to marry someone from their own race / religion only.
Men are usually more possessive and women don't be understand these feelings most of the time. That's why there's a conflict every time.
The concept is if you're marrying a white guy, then the men from by your race loose access to you, which means
that you're degrading men from your own race by not choosing them. You're implying that they lack something and they are "inferior" because of that reason.
I feel the same thing as your aunt. That's why I decided to marry someone from my race only. The women from my race are valuable for me. I can't let man from other race have any of the women from by my race.
That's because your aunt is proud of her race and I am proud of my own race.
Many women don't care and understand this. They really just care about what they want as a woman regardless of race or religion. Many even fight with their parents for the person they have chosen. And parents are in pain that their own son or daughter fights with them for someone from other race.
those who are proud of their own race are extremely possessive of people from by their race.
They don't want people from any other be race to have access to what is valuable for them.
For me it's going to be difficult to find someone who has a bias towards her own race and religion.
Well, people over here will not like what I said or about how I by like but I just said what I think.0|00|0Is this still revelant?Thank you for sharing your opinion, I on the other hand am proud of my race but that won't stop me from interracial dating. If I were to get married to a white man one day and my parents were angry with me, I would have to cut ties with them for not loving me enough to respect my relationship.
Most Helpful Girls
- It is a matter of why and not what. Why are they so appealing to you? Thatâs for you to deconstruct honestly.
Many people donât realize they hide their bias and prejudices behind the concept of preference but thatâs not to say that it happens with everyone or that having a preference is bad.
Maybe you do hate yourself. I donât know but I canât answer that for you and itâs nobodyâs place to tell you what you have going on inside.1|00|0Is this still revelant?Mhm, I've only been in 2 relationships, they were both black guys. But then I met my boyfriend last year. It's true that I was specifically looking for someone other than black men as I wanted to see what else was out there. But I never sought out a white guy out of hate for myself or my race lol.
- No. It just means that you find white men more attractive, and that if given the choice, you will tend to pick white men.
For instance, I prefer to date taller men. Does that mean I discriminate against short men or don't give short men a dating chance? No, it just means if given the choice, I will prefer taller men.2|10|0Is this still revelant?
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1963- Sounds like your auntie is a bit racist. If a white guy prefers to date black girls, does he hate himself? Is he "dating down" for doing so? If not then that applies to you. A good way to determine whether or not something is accurate or true is to reverse the roles and see if the statement holds true, if not, its almost certainly bullshit. If a white guy dating a black girl isn't him hating himself then the reverse must also be true i. e. no you don't hate yourself, your aunt is just racist (and I'm not saying that as an insult, I'm saying by definition, she may be a decent person, but clearly in this area she is a bit racist).1|00|0
That is the majority of people, no one is just one aspect of who they are, usually they are fine except for that one thing.
- Your 'preference' is rooted in contextual insightfulness of HOW the ethic males in YOUR OWN neighborhood behave regarding the women they date.
Much is made of the current fashion of inter-racial dating; most often portraying a naïve blonde female servicing a black male 'playah' basically getting a stereotyped 'black experience' culminating in being a single parent unwed mother.
YOU have enough discernment to want MORE from those who 'court' your attentions. GO to whomever APPRECIATES your youth and beauty; youth & beauty are PERISHABLE commodities and use them to sort for those who embody MORE than superficial 'flash' and show genuine character--- ;)0|00|0What confuses you? Many males of ALL ethnicities TALK a great game.
But their long-term actions as to how they respect you, speaks far louder than short-term flash
shown stereo-typed by the 1960's street pimps and their cadillacs and buicks and the drug dealers
and flashy jewelry~
The turn of the century author H. R. Haggard, in his novel 'SHE!' quipped: "Any man can be had if there be but 'beauty' enough and any woman may be had if there be but gold enough for all the World is but a market"
- No. Don't be silly. If you were popping out mixed race kids with every white guy you met, then she could have a case.
But nothing wrong with dating and meeting different races. I've done it myself and have a broader understanding of others. Important thing is that you're genuine, and not fetishizing or just getting back at your auntie, by dating other races.1|00|0I've been told I'm fetishizing my boyfriend because I can see myself marrying and having kids with him one day. It always comes off wrong because I'm pretty baby obsessed at this point in my life, and as soon as I'm dating interracial it doesn't look like baby fever any more ya know? Your response reminded me of that delimma lol thank you by the way
- No it's not self hate. I'm Spainard, Apache Indian, Swits, mix. Which race do I stay in or out of? I really get it. My preference in women is black and mixed women. To say you hate yourself for dating out of your race is a close minded statement. That person is trying to deny you for who you really are. I think the issue of dating white people lies within themselves and it's something they need to work out. I believe you're being true to yourself and who you are. In these days being truly yourself is rare. Good for you.0|00|0
- If you're worried about it, why not seek a black psychologist to explore this with to see what's really going on about it.
The colonizer is the person on top and has made themselves the thing to aspire to: the lifestyle, the clothes, the education, the job... the people... You auntie has a point. But it's not the only point.
I'd want to find out about my self love, or lack of it through therapy. Might be revelatory.0|00|0Dude, relax.
Her physical attraction to white men does not mean she is self loathing.
Stop projecting.@NoManTwo I'm not projecting anything. She said previously that she wants to BE white. I'd say if you want to be something OTHER than yourself, you don't like yourself much.
@Screenwriter I won't get angry at your opinions but do NOT put words into my mouth. Never have I said I wanted to be white. I love my skin and my heritage that don't change shit mmk?
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I'm sorry. You said do you hate yourself if you have a preference for white men... I apologize.
Of course you don't hate yourself.
The only question would be, why have you found that you have that preference? Lack of availability?
The black men you've met are missing something you're looking for in a man that you've found more often in white men?
Those are valid questions to consider.
Could be you, like everyone else in this culture, are affected by the predominant paradigm: white is more, white is better, white is prettier.
We are all affected by it, no matter how proud we are of ourselves and our cultures.
- Nah that's just the olders being weird about race, my mom would be pissed if I didn't date a Chinese guy too 😂
But what you're attracted to isn't something you can change or control, so it's nothing to do with self hate, it's mostly familiarity tbh if you grew up in a mostly white area you come to find white people attractive1|10|0 - You might be attracted to the culture and the personality of white guys. I've worked with plenty of black guys in the military, and the laid-back (slow to aggression) nerdy black guys got teased by other black guys for not acting black. For a lot of the black guys I worked with, it was all about being strong-willed and tough, smooth and having swagger and maximum pimpage.0|00|0
- You can't help who you are attracted to. And even though your race has been treated horribly by white people, it was never all white people. And, that is especially true today. So, I don't think you are betraying your heratige.
I may be projecting. I don't know if that is what your familly meant. Just know a lot of us have your back.1|00|0My family is very bitter especially as immigrants. I understand why they are so uncomfortable about how I feel.
If you and your partner are in love and he treats you well, they may come to accept him once they see him as an ally and not a threat. Where is your family from?
Yss he makes me very happy. They might meet him in 2022 it's too soon to introduce him this year I'm not ready, also my family is from Haiti đ
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- Oh for fucksake, that's not only unfortunate but also not uncommon. I can't say much more than that really, but something akin to this seems to be posted fairly regularly. There is nothing wrong with having preferences regarding who you choose to be with, and anyone trying to force that is part of a larger overall problem.1|00|0
You are, as you have been as long as I've been on this site, a wonderful potato. Whether you choose to be with a sweet potato or an Idaho gold, just be happy.
@Diversity_Hire That is legit one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me on this site... You are precious.
- Why should you hate yourself over your preferences?
I have so many ethnicities that people can never tell which I am. I don't think it should be a problem. Like what you like and enjoy your life. You never know, you might miss out on a good thing because of worrying what other people think.1|00|0 - Kindly tell your racist auntie to sit on a cactus and rotate.
My wife and I are different racial backgrounds. I happen to be white, but I can list about 9 different "white" tribes - and African as well - that are in my DNA.1|00|0 - Absolutely not. Preferring a certain race that isnât your own doesnât equal self hate. There can be many reasons as to why you prefer them that has nothing to do with race at all. Itâs only sus when you cling to them because you hate your own race. Or you see them as above your own race. Then it becomes wired.1|00|0
- It seems that a lot of older black people are against interacial dating or interacial children. Remember that they probably lived through a way more difficult time. Right now it doesnât matter if someone is a different race as long as they are a nice person and their family isnât racist.1|00|0
- I will post this and say that I personally think that a mixed race relationship, is a beautiful thing
1|00|0 - I didn't even think that inter-racial dating & marriage. But I live in SF CA- the world capital & home of the every sort of sexual idea that you could think of, many you haven't yet thought of and probably plenty more that you wouldn't believe if you heard about it That tends to take any sexual deviations from the norm. I haven't seen anyone with a farm animal yet but if I looked, I don't doubt that I could find one0|00|0
@Makeushiver I'm alittle confused, what does sexual deviancy have to do with my question?
Nothing. I was just pointing out how the SF Bay Area can be pretty open about sexual things and your situation wouldn't raise an eyebrow
- Itâs got nothing to do with how you perceive yourself. Itâs about what youâre attracted to.
Iâm mixed. Or I could say, half white! Iâve always had a preference for white men. That doesnât mean I dislike black or brown men or myself. Half my family is Black!1|00|0 - You cannot help what you find attractive.
Most of the women I've found attractive have been black. I don't hate my own race/ethnicity. It just so happens to majority of women I've found attractive have been black. That's all it is.1|00|0 - I think it's a very personal decision. That's something that only you can determine.
But I personally don't think you hate yourself. You seem to be a fairly well-adjusted and mentally sound individual.2|00|0 - I don't think so. I prefer guys with dark hair over guys with blonde hair, but (when I was single) that didn't mean I completely ruled out blonde guys. I think preferring white guys could be kind of the same thing2|00|0
- Yes, you're being racist. But evidently that does not nor cannot apply to a black person.
How 'bout you just address each individual on their own character merits, rather than their ethnicity? There are beautiful people of all races, creeds, enthnicities, countries. Broaden your horizons a bit.1|00|0Do you ever read what I write lol. I said I had a preference not that I only like white men. That's not what a preference is. I don't know how I'm racist.
Racism is judging fitness, desirability, or competency, to someone's skin color. Yes, you're racist.
Again, consider accepting people based on their actions, character, and personality, more than what you perceive to be their ethnicity, or skin color.I don't judge anyone based on skin color white guys just attract my attention first I literally would date anyone. And I don't know where you live but in my area, white guys like me more anyway, I'm too 'white' for half my race.
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WEll, this is a social problem. Just like I was mentioning in my former comment to you.
Has this happened often?Brownie, I would say in her experience she's been rejected by black males and accepted by white ones, so she chooses according to that experience.
- It depends on your reasons why. I can get where your aunt is coming from, especially with probably being alive during the civil unrest back in the day and now having to basically go through it again. But it's also not really up to her who you date.1|00|0
- The real question is will you date a fellow potato? :)1|00|0
- Your auntie is a racist. And I am betting dollars to doughnuts that she is unmarried, never has been married and is never going to get married. So she has to buy into all this hatred and division to justify the position she put herself in.0|00|0
She might be alittle racist but she does have a partner she's been dating for a few years
@Kindredspirit1 Sure men will fuck her, but they won't stick around for the angry resentful parts. She has a fuck buddy, at least she gets the itch scratched.
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Well, I don't know what you mean. I said what I meant, nothing more. No hidden agenda here.
- @just_a_potato
surly making distinctions like that is racial. date who the hell you want.
anyone that is going to judge a couple because they are colored in any way is just perpetuating racism!
your aunt seems to need to learn not to be racist1|10|0 - Didn't read the question assuming your black or Asian.
Only those two would ask this dumb shit0|01|2I hate that youâre right. -B
But you come off very proud boys like when you say it like that. Expect opposition going this route.Wow I was right. Go get you some white dick and call it a day. Maybe you can be Megan markle and your problems will be solved. With a. Pretty Mulato child you can live through
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- I donât believe in racial preferences but of course you arenât automatically self hating if youâre into a certain type of person. As long as itâs just a preference and not a mandate than itâs not racist.0|10|0
- Not at all. Everyone has opinions and most of the time they stink. Itâs your life, so date whoever you want.1|00|0
- We all have preferences, and that's just fine. As long as you keep yourself far away from weak men, it should be alright.1|00|0
- No. I like all kinds of women but white women seems to be my main go to. Doesnât mean I donât like being black or I prefer my white side more. Itâs just what you like and you should do whatâs best for you.1|00|0
- it's your preference. having a preference is fine. everyone is entiteled to their preference. as long as you're not treating those you don't prefer like human trash, you're good.1|00|0
- It depends on why you have that preference. Like with everything context is key.0|00|0
- I am willing to bet that you are of an Asian descent because you talk about your AUNTIE. If you want to marry a white guy then go for it.0|00|0
Actually no I only have black family and ancestry, well at least as far until the French occupation around the 1620s. I guess at that time period then I'd assume my ancestors are African and French.
- No. I don't live in the USA, but colors should not affect our preferences and loved ones.1|00|0
- Date whomever you want and who treats you well. Life is too short not to be with the person you love.1|00|0
- Donât be silly, itâs just whom youâre attracted too.0|00|0
- There are many white women in relationship with black men and
I haven't heard any of them hating herself because of this choice.
It's about feelings and noone would be guilty for loving someone.1|00|0 - Well I prefer white girls with long blonde/black hair and I don't hate myself. We are past that 18th century bs that everyone has to date within their own race. Attraction occurs naturally, all of us have different preferences1|00|0
- Unless this man runs a colony, he is not a colonizer. Furthermore, preferences are rarely conscious choices. You are not doing anything wrong.1|00|0
- I get where your aunt is coming from but she needs to understand that everyone has preferences. This is not something you can control, so you do you.1|00|0
- Skin color means nothing at all to what the person is (their personality, values, intelligence etc) the difference is where their ancestors lived on the planet that required more or less vitamin D1|00|0
- Absolutely not. Lack of preference is not the same as lack of respect.0|00|0
- No, but you are setting your goals much higher than you are ever likely to achieve.0|01|0
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- You don't hate yourself you just have your own preferences everyone does.1|00|0
- It's a preference and you can't control what you're attracted too. I don't think it's self hate , you simply like what you like.1|00|0
- So u like white guys? What race are u if u donât mind me asking.0|00|0
Ahh very nice. Iâm white and I like all races too but thereâs just something about black girls. Lol. đ
- People telling anyone they must hate themselves for liking any race is a racist.1|10|0
- Only losers are racist. Don't feed them with any time/attention of your life.1|00|0
- Black guy here I donât think they should judge people for preferring a race. Thatâs as dumb as iPhone/Samsung or Xbox/PS.1|00|0
Anonymous1 moTell your auntie to calm her tits😂
It's your life.1|00|0Lmao if I talked to her like that I would probably get smacked in the mouth tbh đ
- No worries. I am not attracted to black women, and I am a white guy. We all have our preferences.0|00|0
I didn't say I wasn't attracted to a certain race, only that I had a preference for one over the others.
- Not at all. With all due respect, it's silly and offensive of her to say.1|00|0
- What's funny is ai just read a post by this guy that has issues with his sister dating black guys.1|00|0
- Itâs just the type of dudes you like. Nothing wrong with that1|00|0
- Date who you want... not how someone else thinks... it's *your* life.1|00|0
- Your aunty is probably live in the past and sad to say a bit racist0|00|0
- Sex preference is subconscious and shouldnât be taken as racist.1|00|0
- Finding your life companion doesn't necessarily mean the same ethnicity. Or sometimes gender.1|00|0
- No. It's just a preference and everyone is entitled to have their own preference.1|00|0
- Your buying into someones else's Bullshit, don't and live your own life.1|00|0
- Vllage guys will see it wrong but as mature person don't look at it that way 😊1|00|0
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