Do I hate myself if I have a preference for white men?

[NamerOfStars]

My parents were kids during the social upheavals of the 60's. They saw the massive changes, both good and bad, sweeping through society. And they reached the conclusion "racism sucks", which I've always found it hard to disagree with. One day, years and years ago, my sister brought her then-boyfriend to a family gathering for the first time. Mom was surprised to find out he was black, and told me afterwards that she was thrilled. Because her daughter was so incredibly "progressive" that she was dating outside of her ethnicity? No- because in all her talking up of this guy, she'd never even mentioned his skin color. It simply didn't matter.

Somewhere along the line, that ideal fell out of favor. I guess Society At Large decided that it was time for a new religion, that kept the narrow-minded judgementalness but abandoned the universal human brotherhood. "Human" is your race, Potato. (Now THERE'S a sentence you've probably never read before!). White guys qualify. The sooner everyone remembers that we're all human, the sooner we'll start acting like it.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I can understand your feelings as well as your aunt's feelings.

This is why father, , brothers , mother's, act possessive of their daughters and Don's. This is why they want them to marry someone from their own race / religion only.

Men are usually more possessive and women don't be understand these feelings most of the time. That's why there's a conflict every time.

The concept is if you're marrying a white guy, then the men from by your race loose access to you, which means

that you're degrading men from your own race by not choosing them. You're implying that they lack something and they are "inferior" because of that reason.

I feel the same thing as your aunt. That's why I decided to marry someone from my race only. The women from my race are valuable for me. I can't let man from other race have any of the women from by my race.

That's because your aunt is proud of her race and I am proud of my own race.

Many women don't care and understand this. They really just care about what they want as a woman regardless of race or religion. Many even fight with their parents for the person they have chosen. And parents are in pain that their own son or daughter fights with them for someone from other race.

those who are proud of their own race are extremely possessive of people from by their race.

They don't want people from any other be race to have access to what is valuable for them.

For me it's going to be difficult to find someone who has a bias towards her own race and religion.

Well, people over here will not like what I said or about how I by like but I just said what I think.

[Ellie-V]

It is a matter of why and not what. Why are they so appealing to you? That’s for you to deconstruct honestly.
Many people don’t realize they hide their bias and prejudices behind the concept of preference but that’s not to say that it happens with everyone or that having a preference is bad.
Maybe you do hate yourself. I don’t know but I can’t answer that for you and it’s nobody’s place to tell you what you have going on inside.

[yucychan]

No. It just means that you find white men more attractive, and that if given the choice, you will tend to pick white men.
For instance, I prefer to date taller men. Does that mean I discriminate against short men or don't give short men a dating chance? No, it just means if given the choice, I will prefer taller men.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Sounds like your auntie is a bit racist. If a white guy prefers to date black girls, does he hate himself? Is he "dating down" for doing so? If not then that applies to you. A good way to determine whether or not something is accurate or true is to reverse the roles and see if the statement holds true, if not, its almost certainly bullshit. If a white guy dating a black girl isn't him hating himself then the reverse must also be true i. e. no you don't hate yourself, your aunt is just racist (and I'm not saying that as an insult, I'm saying by definition, she may be a decent person, but clearly in this area she is a bit racist).

[TheorionMage]

Your 'preference' is rooted in contextual insightfulness of HOW the ethic males in YOUR OWN neighborhood behave regarding the women they date.

Much is made of the current fashion of inter-racial dating; most often portraying a naïve blonde female servicing a black male 'playah' basically getting a stereotyped 'black experience' culminating in being a single parent unwed mother.

YOU have enough discernment to want MORE from those who 'court' your attentions. GO to whomever APPRECIATES your youth and beauty; youth & beauty are PERISHABLE commodities and use them to sort for those who embody MORE than superficial 'flash' and show genuine character--- ;)

[jshm2]

No. Don't be silly. If you were popping out mixed race kids with every white guy you met, then she could have a case.

But nothing wrong with dating and meeting different races. I've done it myself and have a broader understanding of others. Important thing is that you're genuine, and not fetishizing or just getting back at your auntie, by dating other races.

[WhiteWolf69]

No it's not self hate. I'm Spainard, Apache Indian, Swits, mix. Which race do I stay in or out of? I really get it. My preference in women is black and mixed women. To say you hate yourself for dating out of your race is a close minded statement. That person is trying to deny you for who you really are. I think the issue of dating white people lies within themselves and it's something they need to work out. I believe you're being true to yourself and who you are. In these days being truly yourself is rare. Good for you.

[Screenwriter]

If you're worried about it, why not seek a black psychologist to explore this with to see what's really going on about it.
The colonizer is the person on top and has made themselves the thing to aspire to: the lifestyle, the clothes, the education, the job... the people... You auntie has a point. But it's not the only point.
I'd want to find out about my self love, or lack of it through therapy. Might be revelatory.

[shi-shi]

Nah that's just the olders being weird about race, my mom would be pissed if I didn't date a Chinese guy too 😂

But what you're attracted to isn't something you can change or control, so it's nothing to do with self hate, it's mostly familiarity tbh if you grew up in a mostly white area you come to find white people attractive

[jerdanro]

You can't help who you are attracted to. And even though your race has been treated horribly by white people, it was never all white people. And, that is especially true today. So, I don't think you are betraying your heratige.

I may be projecting. I don't know if that is what your familly meant. Just know a lot of us have your back.

[Diversity_Hire]

Oh for fucksake, that's not only unfortunate but also not uncommon. I can't say much more than that really, but something akin to this seems to be posted fairly regularly. There is nothing wrong with having preferences regarding who you choose to be with, and anyone trying to force that is part of a larger overall problem.

[Siren777]

Why should you hate yourself over your preferences?
I have so many ethnicities that people can never tell which I am. I don't think it should be a problem. Like what you like and enjoy your life. You never know, you might miss out on a good thing because of worrying what other people think.

[DJB72]

Kindly tell your racist auntie to sit on a cactus and rotate.

My wife and I are different racial backgrounds. I happen to be white, but I can list about 9 different "white" tribes - and African as well - that are in my DNA.

[Anna__M]

Absolutely not. Preferring a certain race that isn’t your own doesn’t equal self hate. There can be many reasons as to why you prefer them that has nothing to do with race at all. It’s only sus when you cling to them because you hate your own race. Or you see them as above your own race. Then it becomes wired.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

It seems that a lot of older black people are against interacial dating or interacial children. Remember that they probably lived through a way more difficult time. Right now it doesn’t matter if someone is a different race as long as they are a nice person and their family isn’t racist.

[SphynxUK]

It’s got nothing to do with how you perceive yourself. It’s about what you’re attracted to.


I’m mixed. Or I could say, half white! I’ve always had a preference for white men. That doesn’t mean I dislike black or brown men or myself. Half my family is Black!

[Jjpayne]

I will post this and say that I personally think that a mixed race relationship, is a beautiful thing

[Billyscotter]

You might be attracted to the culture and the personality of white guys. I've worked with plenty of black guys in the military, and the laid-back (slow to aggression) nerdy black guys got teased by other black guys for not acting black. For a lot of the black guys I worked with, it was all about being strong-willed and tough, smooth and having swagger and maximum pimpage.

[Makeushiver]

I didn't even think that inter-racial dating & marriage. But I live in SF CA- the world capital & home of the every sort of sexual idea that you could think of, many you haven't yet thought of and probably plenty more that you wouldn't believe if you heard about it That tends to take any sexual deviations from the norm. I haven't seen anyone with a farm animal yet but if I looked, I don't doubt that I could find one

[Ripper_E]

You cannot help what you find attractive.
Most of the women I've found attractive have been black. I don't hate my own race/ethnicity. It just so happens to majority of women I've found attractive have been black. That's all it is.

[Jamie05rhs]

I think it's a very personal decision. That's something that only you can determine.

But I personally don't think you hate yourself. You seem to be a fairly well-adjusted and mentally sound individual.

[IronLady6354]

I don't think so. I prefer guys with dark hair over guys with blonde hair, but (when I was single) that didn't mean I completely ruled out blonde guys. I think preferring white guys could be kind of the same thing

[Browneye57]

Yes, you're being racist. But evidently that does not nor cannot apply to a black person.
How 'bout you just address each individual on their own character merits, rather than their ethnicity? There are beautiful people of all races, creeds, enthnicities, countries. Broaden your horizons a bit.