If a guy wants to keep things open between us after a breakup, does that mean he still has feelings for me?

Question

We had a disagreement, it wasn’t an argument but we both wouldn’t budge and I had calmly said I think then we should end this and he agreed. But afterwards his voice sounded kinda shaky and he was like well you’ve been so much fun and I think you’re really cool and I have nothing but good feelings for you... and then was like don’t delete my number or social media, let’s just let this sit for a bit and maybe come around... otherwise maybe down the line when things are different and we meet again who knows... and trailed off.
Do you think he still wants to be with me?

Answer 1

Nawlins34 | 164 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

It depends. If a guy does this, he doesn't want to lose "access to sex" if you two are being sexual.

If he has feelings, he's making it clear with his position in that disagreement is stronger than those feelings for you via his actions.

Whatever the disagreement was over, he wasn't prepared to lose "access' to you over it. This was a negotiation and the person who's willing to walk away from it (you) has the leverage.

Notice, he only agreed AFTER you proposed ending it; that was to save face. He didn't think you would stand you ground with your position.

At the same time, notice he didn't offer you anything. To really see this, you have to separate his actions from his words and speaking of which, let's look at what he said closely.

"well you’ve been so much fun and I think you’re really cool and I have nothing but good feelings for you." - The first two reasons, while good, are not exclusive to you. They can found in a friend or any friendly person for that matter. His 3rd reason, he didn't/couldn't elaborate. Are his good feelings NON-sexual?

Next thing he said, " don’t delete my number or social media, let’s just let this sit for a bit and maybe come around... otherwise maybe down the line when things are different and we meet again who knows" - I don't think you're changing your position anytime soon, so "let this sit for a bit" - is a waste of time at best and a stall tactic at worst.

So his words offer nothing if you think about it. His actions say he's leaving and wants to check in and when it's ideal for him, he'll return. None of this, shows "strong feelings"

It's not about feelings, it's about access. He doesn't want to lose access to you.

Just my opinion, I hoped I've helped. Be safe and good luck.

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
Wow thank you. This was such a helpful answer. I never thought about some of the things you mentioned from those angles. If I provide more info, would you help me work through it or maybe you’d come to the same conclusion.
We had been seeing each other for several months.
The disagreement to sum it up is that I wanted exclusivity/more from him but he said he could not provide that right now because that would make us serious/his girlfriend and he can’t handle a relationship right now because he may be moving away for work at any given time depending on what job he gets. He just graduated and is looking for anything he can get so he applied out of state and also has an internship abroad lined up as a fall back this August. So, he said for him he doesn’t want to start something serious if he’s leaving. Which I get but I told him I couldn’t continue what we were doing because I was getting feelings and wanted more commitment while he was still dating around (bc he’s not looking for commitment currently). So he told me we can continue but without it getting serious and just go with the flow. I thought I could handle it but couldn’t. So I said we should end it for now and yeah.
Asker

1 y
What you wrote - he didn’t think I’d stand my ground with my position I think is spot on because he thought I had super strong feelings for him. We tried breaking it off a month ago but I suggested we try and so it would make sense he thought I wouldn’t back down now.
Asker

1 y
He now does know I won’t be having sex with him if he is having sex with other girls so I agree with the access part but maybe it won’t ever happen where he would come back because he knows I want commitment?
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Asker

1 y
Also, isn’t of saying “maybe come around” he said maybe we can make adjustments. I don't know if that changes things but I just remembered his exact words.

Answer 2

Asker

Wow thank you. This was such a helpful answer. I never thought about some of the things you mentioned from those angles. If I provide more info, would you help me work through it or maybe you’d come to the same conclusion.
We had been seeing each other for several months.
The disagreement to sum it up is that I wanted exclusivity/more from him but he said he could not provide that right now because that would make us serious/his girlfriend and he can’t handle a relationship right now because he may be moving away for work at any given time depending on what job he gets. He just graduated and is looking for anything he can get so he applied out of state and also has an internship abroad lined up as a fall back this August. So, he said for him he doesn’t want to start something serious if he’s leaving. Which I get but I told him I couldn’t continue what we were doing because I was getting feelings and wanted more commitment while he was still dating around (bc he’s not looking for commitment currently). So he told me we can continue but without it getting serious and just go with the flow. I thought I could handle it but couldn’t. So I said we should end it for now and yeah.

Answer 3

Asker

What you wrote - he didn’t think I’d stand my ground with my position I think is spot on because he thought I had super strong feelings for him. We tried breaking it off a month ago but I suggested we try and so it would make sense he thought I wouldn’t back down now.

Answer 4

Asker

He now does know I won’t be having sex with him if he is having sex with other girls so I agree with the access part but maybe it won’t ever happen where he would come back because he knows I want commitment?

Answer 5

Asker

Also, isn’t of saying “maybe come around” he said maybe we can make adjustments. I don't know if that changes things but I just remembered his exact words.

Answer 6

Jean-Marie_Céline

Influencer

Uhm, tought situation.
I do think he wants to keep things open with you, but like @OlderAndWiser and said, it's just not worth it and can end up really badly I'm afraid.
You initiated the break up but he agreed, which means he was fine with ending the relationship - so why reach out again?
If you really feel like there could be a second chance then do it, but first sit down and have a serious talk with him regarding what are your points of agreement and disagreement, see on what you can compromise in a satisfactory way for both of you and on what you can't reach any agreement. Then weigh seriously whenever it would feasible or not to get back together.
I hope this was helpful and wish you the best!

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
Thank you! It did help. You are right, he did agree to the end and seemed to even say things that hinted we should not continue but I was the one to say it. It’s a complicated situation kinda and we weren’t ever in a serious committed relationship... it was more of a end it/put it on hold before it leads to more, which in his opinion right now it would lead to a mess because it couldn’t work currently.
It’s hard because it’s not a full second chance if he came back around but more of “let’s actually give this a try”... but I don't know if that day will ever come.
Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
I'm glad to help!
Well, I'd suggest to think if to you it might be really worth to give it another try and if you feel like it, try reinitiating things.
I found myself in a similar situation to yours once and she too had left things open. I wasn't sure whenever to reach out or not but eventually I did and things resumed well.
Asker

1 y
What was your situation? Like why did it kinda end?
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Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
We wouldn't stop arguing about a thing that now it's insignificant.
In a moment the of anger I said I hated her, she just replied "Right now I feel the same".
We spent a week and a half apart, and it looked like it was truly over, but I didn't want to end it and I seriously doubted she wanted to end it so abruptly after she had been so passionate about it.
So I called her, she was a bit hesitant but readily invited me over, we talked it out and found a solution to our disagreement.
Asker

1 y
Aw that makes me happy. Happy you guys worked through it. I’m so curious what the disagreement is.. but you don’t have to share lol. I have to say for me he has got to be the one to reach out because I was always the one who wanted more from him and I’m gonna need him to show me he actually cares, and I guess if he doesn’t then I have to move on. I think I’ve tried too hard for someone and it is becoming difficult to forgive myself honestly
Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
It was about movies - she loves horror movies, I hate them, but I would still watch them with her. The issue was that she would ''park'' me in front of the TV and then go away and do unrelated stuff without bothering to watch. In the end we found a compromise on that, but that was after a really bad fight broke between us, and insults too flew from both sides.
I understand that you want him to make the first move, that's a good course of action as well. If he really cares, he will make an effort!
Asker

1 y
Oh hah! That is such a silly reason. Mine I guess isn’t as light? It was more conditional. But yeah the ball is definitely in his court this time around. I gave and gave and I really don’t have much left to give anymore
Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
I understand, it's horrible when you are putting so much effort and the other person isn't even trying.

To be honest the thing about movies was the boiling point after a series of misunderstanding and mutual dissatisfactions. We both had bottled up so much stuff so it was just a matter of time before something little would have make us explode.
Afterwards we decided to communicate more and not bottle up so much as to avoid another such situation.

Answer 7

Asker

Thank you! It did help. You are right, he did agree to the end and seemed to even say things that hinted we should not continue but I was the one to say it. It’s a complicated situation kinda and we weren’t ever in a serious committed relationship... it was more of a end it/put it on hold before it leads to more, which in his opinion right now it would lead to a mess because it couldn’t work currently.
It’s hard because it’s not a full second chance if he came back around but more of “let’s actually give this a try”... but I don't know if that day will ever come.

Answer 8

Jean-Marie_Céline

I'm glad to help!
Well, I'd suggest to think if to you it might be really worth to give it another try and if you feel like it, try reinitiating things.
I found myself in a similar situation to yours once and she too had left things open. I wasn't sure whenever to reach out or not but eventually I did and things resumed well.

Answer 9

Asker

What was your situation? Like why did it kinda end?

Answer 10

Jean-Marie_Céline

We wouldn't stop arguing about a thing that now it's insignificant.
In a moment the of anger I said I hated her, she just replied "Right now I feel the same".
We spent a week and a half apart, and it looked like it was truly over, but I didn't want to end it and I seriously doubted she wanted to end it so abruptly after she had been so passionate about it.
So I called her, she was a bit hesitant but readily invited me over, we talked it out and found a solution to our disagreement.

Answer 11

Asker

Aw that makes me happy. Happy you guys worked through it. I’m so curious what the disagreement is.. but you don’t have to share lol. I have to say for me he has got to be the one to reach out because I was always the one who wanted more from him and I’m gonna need him to show me he actually cares, and I guess if he doesn’t then I have to move on. I think I’ve tried too hard for someone and it is becoming difficult to forgive myself honestly

Answer 12

Jean-Marie_Céline

It was about movies - she loves horror movies, I hate them, but I would still watch them with her. The issue was that she would ''park'' me in front of the TV and then go away and do unrelated stuff without bothering to watch. In the end we found a compromise on that, but that was after a really bad fight broke between us, and insults too flew from both sides.
I understand that you want him to make the first move, that's a good course of action as well. If he really cares, he will make an effort!

Answer 13

Asker

Oh hah! That is such a silly reason. Mine I guess isn’t as light? It was more conditional. But yeah the ball is definitely in his court this time around. I gave and gave and I really don’t have much left to give anymore

Answer 14

Jean-Marie_Céline

I understand, it's horrible when you are putting so much effort and the other person isn't even trying.

To be honest the thing about movies was the boiling point after a series of misunderstanding and mutual dissatisfactions. We both had bottled up so much stuff so it was just a matter of time before something little would have make us explode.
Afterwards we decided to communicate more and not bottle up so much as to avoid another such situation.

Answer 15

Siren777 | 709 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

You will know with what action he takes next. You think of compromise as I don't know the argument so I can not say that breaking up is valid or not but if you want to save what you have then talk things through as a cat and mouse game and questioning every time whether he still loves you or not will only hurt you both in the end. Decide what you want. Decide if this is still worth fighting for and move towards or move on.

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Answer 16

sheikalana | 1.6K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

Means he wants to keep you around in case he doesn't have any other options.

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3 People

Still-alive

1 y
Bingo
sheikalana

1 y
@Still-alive I don't understand the point in remaining friends with an ex.
Asker

1 y
Well he isn’t really an ex
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Jamie05rhs

1 y
I disagree with you, @sheikalana. It isn't like that. I think he really likes her.

Answer 17

Still-alive

Bingo

Answer 18

sheikalana

@Still-alive I don't understand the point in remaining friends with an ex.

Answer 19

Asker

Well he isn’t really an ex

Answer 20

Jamie05rhs

I disagree with you, @sheikalana. It isn't like that. I think he really likes her.

Answer 21

OlderAndWiser | 9.2K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Influencer

"Let's stay friends after we break up" means "I want to act like I'm breaking up, so I can hurt you and get even, but I'm really just pretending 'cause we'll get back together later." It is a dishonest and stupid little game.

React

2 People

Asker

1 y
So you think he’s going to come back around and try again?
OlderAndWiser

1 y
Strong possibility.
nojokecarmichael

1 y
What do you think it would have been if it was the other way around? As in If he broke up with her (reason being a lot of arguing and stuff) but said they could stay friends.
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OlderAndWiser

1 y
@nojokecarmichael I would probably have the same assessment of the situation.
Asker

1 y
@nojokecarmichael I’ve had guys end it and come back. I have had a pretty much 100% success rate of guys coming back but this one just happened and it’s an entire different situation and I ended it so yeah I don't know
nojokecarmichael

1 y
I hope things work out in your favor. What ever way you're hoping for it to. Also don't mean to intrude on your question with mines.
nojokecarmichael

1 y
@OlderAndWiser Can I pm for advice?
OlderAndWiser

1 y
@nojokecarmichael I just got home and saw your message. Bring it on!

Answer 22

Asker

So you think he’s going to come back around and try again?

Answer 23

OlderAndWiser

Strong possibility.

Answer 24

nojokecarmichael

What do you think it would have been if it was the other way around? As in If he broke up with her (reason being a lot of arguing and stuff) but said they could stay friends.

Answer 25

OlderAndWiser

@nojokecarmichael I would probably have the same assessment of the situation.

Answer 26

Asker

@nojokecarmichael I’ve had guys end it and come back. I have had a pretty much 100% success rate of guys coming back but this one just happened and it’s an entire different situation and I ended it so yeah I don't know

Answer 27

nojokecarmichael

I hope things work out in your favor. What ever way you're hoping for it to. Also don't mean to intrude on your question with mines.

Answer 28

nojokecarmichael

@OlderAndWiser Can I pm for advice?

Answer 29

OlderAndWiser

@nojokecarmichael I just got home and saw your message. Bring it on!

Answer 30

kkirk4442 | 450 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

He still has feeling for you. How long that lasts, there is no way of telling. He likely will turn toward someone else, soon, or later.

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Answer 31

red324 | 448 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

Wow. That's quite the relationship you guys have. One disagreement and you call it quits. He probably would rather you guys cool off and take a break vs just flat out ending it.

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Answer 32

Browneye57 | 6.3K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Yep. He doesn't want to lose access to your pussy. What do YOU want?
And the argument thing is a giant fail. WTF were you thinking?

React

Asker

1 y
What do you mean? A fail? It’s the only part I feel right about...
Browneye57

1 y
It's surely a fail. Or is this what you call a SUCCESS?
Asker

1 y
It had to end I guess because he wanted to sleep with other women. I said I wouldn’t be a whore so yeah I guess
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Browneye57

1 y
Good for you, for standing up for yourself. NEXT!!
Asker

1 y
Thank you. I suck at moving to the next. I get one-itis and its stupid
Browneye57

1 y
That's the way our brains are wired. Once you connect, your brain stays connected - it's a biological driver for the best outcome for the eventual offspring.
The very best way to get over the old one is to get a new one. Your attitude will change nearly instantly. I guarantee it.
Asker

1 y
I will try my best (: thank you (: I already have a date tomorrow so it’s a start

Answer 33

Asker

What do you mean? A fail? It’s the only part I feel right about...

Answer 34

Browneye57

It's surely a fail. Or is this what you call a SUCCESS?

Answer 35

Asker

It had to end I guess because he wanted to sleep with other women. I said I wouldn’t be a whore so yeah I guess

Answer 36

Browneye57

Good for you, for standing up for yourself. NEXT!!

Answer 37

Asker

Thank you. I suck at moving to the next. I get one-itis and its stupid

Answer 38

Browneye57

That's the way our brains are wired. Once you connect, your brain stays connected - it's a biological driver for the best outcome for the eventual offspring.
The very best way to get over the old one is to get a new one. Your attitude will change nearly instantly. I guarantee it.

Answer 39

Asker

I will try my best (: thank you (: I already have a date tomorrow so it’s a start

Answer 40

Jamie05rhs | 4.1K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Of course he still has feelings for you. You're breaking up because you discovered an area of incompatibility, not because you hate each other.

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Answer 41

ItsMeItsMe1989

Yoda

It means he has no idea what he's doing, and needs to move on from you!

React

1 Person

Asker

1 y
Tru thy
Asker

1 y
Oops I meant “truth” lol

Answer 42

Asker

Tru thy

Answer 43

Asker

Oops I meant “truth” lol

Answer 44

Wise4myage | 5.9K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Or, he's hoping to have some casual sex with you from time to time.

React

Answer 45

Iron_Man | 15K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Yes he’s keeping you on the team as a back up quarterback

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Answer 46

Anonymous

He still cares, as do you, but you both know this isn't right right now. That's it. Give it time. Don't over analyze it. Just as he says.

React

1 Person

Answer 47

Dinosaursandanime65 | 1.7K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

I don’t know, it could bullshit. But I don’t see any bad stuff around it much so maybe wait and see what happens.

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1 Person

Answer 48

Anonymous

Were you in a relationship or just starting to get to know each other?

What did you disagree on?

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Asker

1 y
It was about to be more but not quite. A few months of seeing each other. He is 80% moving away for a career opportunity for like 3/4 of a year in a couple months and I think it’s worth us to give it a try right now and he doesn’t want to be held down in case he is going and thinks we should just wait until he figures it out.
Opinion Owner

1 y
Ok, so go your separate ways for now and welcome the opportunity to talk again in the future if it comes up, but don't wait for him
Asker

1 y
Yeah it’s just I wanted to continue seeing him as friends and sexually the last two months but he thinks we shouldn’t because he wants to sleep around and I guess that kinda turned me off?
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Opinion Owner

1 y
i support your decision. That would be a turn off.

Answer 49

Asker

It was about to be more but not quite. A few months of seeing each other. He is 80% moving away for a career opportunity for like 3/4 of a year in a couple months and I think it’s worth us to give it a try right now and he doesn’t want to be held down in case he is going and thinks we should just wait until he figures it out.

Answer 50

Opinion Owner

Ok, so go your separate ways for now and welcome the opportunity to talk again in the future if it comes up, but don't wait for him

Answer 51

Asker

Yeah it’s just I wanted to continue seeing him as friends and sexually the last two months but he thinks we shouldn’t because he wants to sleep around and I guess that kinda turned me off?

Answer 52

Opinion Owner

i support your decision. That would be a turn off.

Answer 53

Anonymous

I think it's because most Guys don't like being single, Especially Single Guys.

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Answer 54

SenseiSeptred | 350 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Explorer

What were the semi-arguments about?

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Asker

1 y
He may be moving away in a few months for good or a year or he may not, his career is totally undecided but he doesn’t want a relationship to hold him back from pursuing what he wants. But I pressed for sexual exclusivity and he said that would make me his girlfriend and that would make it serious and right now he can’t become serious with someone. So I said I couldn’t have sex with him if he was having sex with other girls and yeah
SenseiSeptred

1 y
Tell him that there is a way that he can only be with you while pursuing his career, so he can have the best of both of what he is attempting to accomplish, and that you will help him accomplish that very aspect that he is aching to accomplish all along. If he truly does not know how to accomplish that, help him fully turn inward and find his original self.

Answer 55

Asker

He may be moving away in a few months for good or a year or he may not, his career is totally undecided but he doesn’t want a relationship to hold him back from pursuing what he wants. But I pressed for sexual exclusivity and he said that would make me his girlfriend and that would make it serious and right now he can’t become serious with someone. So I said I couldn’t have sex with him if he was having sex with other girls and yeah

Answer 56

SenseiSeptred

Tell him that there is a way that he can only be with you while pursuing his career, so he can have the best of both of what he is attempting to accomplish, and that you will help him accomplish that very aspect that he is aching to accomplish all along. If he truly does not know how to accomplish that, help him fully turn inward and find his original self.

Answer 57

Anonymous

yes but you blew it over something stupid

React

Opinion Owner

1 y
here's a newsflash people are allowed to have different opinions in this world. let me repeat that yes people are ALLOWED to have DIFFERENT opinions that's why we all have brains and thoughts, though some of us like you choose not to use it.
Asker

1 y
... I broke it because I found out he had been sleeping with other girls?
Opinion Owner

1 y
oh well that part of the info would have been an important detail to share sooner

Answer 58

Opinion Owner

here's a newsflash people are allowed to have different opinions in this world. let me repeat that yes people are ALLOWED to have DIFFERENT opinions that's why we all have brains and thoughts, though some of us like you choose not to use it.

Answer 59

Asker

... I broke it because I found out he had been sleeping with other girls?

Answer 60

Opinion Owner

oh well that part of the info would have been an important detail to share sooner

Answer 61

Still-alive | 424 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

You’re his back up now

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1 Person

If a guy wants to keep things open between us after a breakup, does that mean he still has feelings for me?

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