Are there some moments where guys are unable to handle a relationship even if they meet a girl they are very into?

Question

Like if they’re in a place in their life that is crucial to their future for their career so their only focus is their career, and they are looking for a new career so they just can’t deal with a relationship?
Or another example would be emotional issues like a recent death of a close one or something.

Or would guys always find a way to make it work despite anything going on?

Answer 1

Zeppelinrocks

Xper 5

I’m not a dude but just to throw in my two cents since I’m in a similar situation: if a man is stressed out and busy and having trouble with his mental health, he will more than likely clear his table. This has nothing to do with you. Their relationship is often the first thing to go, however. This is because relationships require a great deal of time and attention, and he feels as though he is stretched thin as it is. He doesn’t want his own problems to hurt others, especially the woman he cares about most. You may want him now, but would you want to be with a person who can’t give you nearly enough time and emotional energy to sustain you? Eventually you wouldn’t, and the relationship would break apart. The GOOD news is that men like this will often come back when they are in a better spot. If you’re a person he truly loves and cares about, he will want you in his life (on a smaller scale at this point- don’t get offended if he doesn’t reach out as much) and WILL come back when he is feeling more stable. If you like this man, stand by him, and provide him with all the emotional support he needs to get through this. Practice patience, and don’t have expectations for how he will act afterwards. Keep your eyes open for new potential connections, but do understand that if he gets to a more stable place, he more than likely will reach out to you in the way you want.

Asker

24 d
This all makes sense. How should I feel if he is in the place but chooses to have hook ups and pursue other girls for hookups because he doesn’t want a relationship, and then if he comes back when he’s ready... would I be dumb to take him back?
Asker

24 d
Because I’m in this position and he told me he can’t give me what I need and let’s say he’s genuine. I am choosing to believe he is because I know his situation and I can understand why he can’t handle a relationship, so I told him I can’t do this until it’s real and we’re committed and he said he only is interested in casual non serious dating and hookups now and told me he doesn’t want to feel guilty for going after these hookup pursuits because I want something more right now that he can’t give.

Would I be a fool to accept him if he does come back when he feels ready?
Zeppelinrocks

23 d
I don’t think it would make you a fool to accept him back. What WOULD make you a fool is hanging around and being purposefully single so that he’ll maybe-hopefully-one-day give you the relationship you’re looking for. You can never rely on another person’s emotions, especially if they haven’t happened yet. That’s how you get hurt.
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Asker

23 d
Ok (: thank you. I agree. I definitely will be dating around.
Zeppelinrocks

23 d
In my situation, the guy told me that he doesn’t want serious relationships bc reasons, but I don’t think he’s hooking up with other women. He does however have a female friend that I think he’s catching feelings for, and being hung up on him is stressing me tf out. Currently drafting a text to send to him basically saying “I feel like I’m losing you to her both as a best friend and as a potential partner. If you like her in that way, you need to tell me. I would prefer you to break my heart directly rather than me pining after a man I’ve already lost.” Let me know if that makes sense. I still want him as my friend, but I also don’t want to make him feel awkward if he really does only value her friendship. I just can’t keep these feelings down anymore
Asker

23 d
Aw I’m sorry :( that is a tough situation to be in. But if being hung up is stressing you out then I definitely say you need to talk with him. I was here last week. I was so stressed after so long and trying way more than he was, so we talked on the phone and I asked what I needed to in order to release myself from it all.

I think your message is great, it makes sense and it’s to the point. Is he your best friend too? And potential love? That makes the whole thing even harder I’m sure.
Zeppelinrocks

23 d
Yes 😭 My closest friend. And I’m sure you resonate with worrying for their well-being too- like I feel so bad to bother him with my anxiety when he has so much on his plate. But we deserve to be happy and to do what we need to clear the negative energy in our respective relationships as well as to move on if we find someone new. Thanks for your feedback :) I wish you good luck!
Asker

23 d
Wow that is so tough! I wish you the best. If you want to share how it goes I would love to hear if it went well or not. We definitely deserve to be happy especially if it feels like it has gone on for too long and you’ve reached that limit. Thank you again (:
Zeppelinrocks

21 d
Update: he called this morning and we talked about it. He said that she is basically his mentee for the student org position that she’s taking over once he graduates, and also that she has a boyfriend, which was slightly embarrassing lol. But he also said that he is under a lot of stress right now and has a lot of unresolved issues that he needs to focus on right now. Otherwise he’s afraid he’ll end up hurting someone with the way these things manifest in his personality. He said that he just wants me to be happy, and if moving on from him would do that, then I should. So all in all, it soothed some of my fears, though I’m still kind of on the fence on which box to put him in. I hope if you’ve talked to your person, that it’s gone well for you!
Asker

21 d
I’m happy you talked to him! Well that cleared one concern at least, that’s good news. But still kinda disappointing to hear that I’m sure.. how are you feeling about it all now? It’s a lot to think through, I feel similar to where you’re at. Like he left the ball in my court kinda, we both said we should take some time and then adjust or see. So I don’t know where I’m at with it all either. It’s just he can’t give me what I currently want and there’s nothing I can do about it so I have no idea what to feel lol
Zeppelinrocks

21 d
It is something kind of bittersweet. Right now I’m kind of exhausted tbh- I think I’m just going to wait until a connection grows organically- whether with him or with someone else. I’m not going to try to date around at this point, just going to focus on myself and my own well-being. If he wants to reconnect, he knows the vein is always open to him.

I really understand how you feel about not knowing where to go. People always say like “take things day by day” or “don’t worry about the future” but that is kind of impossible right now lmao. For me, I’m just going to be the best friend that I need right now, because I have a lot of growth I should be doing too. I think strengthening my friendships and investing time in my own hobbies will help me stop fixating so much on him. Like, I feel frustrated at the situation, but because this is something only he can fix for himself, I’m basically torturing myself- and that’s not cool, nor is it something he would want me to do. I think that even though neither of us are getting what we want at the moment, at least our respective men were honest and upfront about what they could provide. I would much rather be just friends right now than in a half-assed or inauthentic relationship. I wish you all the luck in the world with your person, or with whomever you choose! Feel free to DM if you’d like to keep up, I could use some emotional support and I’m quite good at providing it too :)

Answer 2

Asker

This all makes sense. How should I feel if he is in the place but chooses to have hook ups and pursue other girls for hookups because he doesn’t want a relationship, and then if he comes back when he’s ready... would I be dumb to take him back?

Answer 3

Asker

Because I’m in this position and he told me he can’t give me what I need and let’s say he’s genuine. I am choosing to believe he is because I know his situation and I can understand why he can’t handle a relationship, so I told him I can’t do this until it’s real and we’re committed and he said he only is interested in casual non serious dating and hookups now and told me he doesn’t want to feel guilty for going after these hookup pursuits because I want something more right now that he can’t give.

Would I be a fool to accept him if he does come back when he feels ready?

Answer 4

Zeppelinrocks

I don’t think it would make you a fool to accept him back. What WOULD make you a fool is hanging around and being purposefully single so that he’ll maybe-hopefully-one-day give you the relationship you’re looking for. You can never rely on another person’s emotions, especially if they haven’t happened yet. That’s how you get hurt.

Answer 5

Asker

Ok (: thank you. I agree. I definitely will be dating around.

Answer 6

Zeppelinrocks

In my situation, the guy told me that he doesn’t want serious relationships bc reasons, but I don’t think he’s hooking up with other women. He does however have a female friend that I think he’s catching feelings for, and being hung up on him is stressing me tf out. Currently drafting a text to send to him basically saying “I feel like I’m losing you to her both as a best friend and as a potential partner. If you like her in that way, you need to tell me. I would prefer you to break my heart directly rather than me pining after a man I’ve already lost.” Let me know if that makes sense. I still want him as my friend, but I also don’t want to make him feel awkward if he really does only value her friendship. I just can’t keep these feelings down anymore

Answer 7

Asker

Aw I’m sorry :( that is a tough situation to be in. But if being hung up is stressing you out then I definitely say you need to talk with him. I was here last week. I was so stressed after so long and trying way more than he was, so we talked on the phone and I asked what I needed to in order to release myself from it all.

I think your message is great, it makes sense and it’s to the point. Is he your best friend too? And potential love? That makes the whole thing even harder I’m sure.

Answer 8

Zeppelinrocks

Yes 😭 My closest friend. And I’m sure you resonate with worrying for their well-being too- like I feel so bad to bother him with my anxiety when he has so much on his plate. But we deserve to be happy and to do what we need to clear the negative energy in our respective relationships as well as to move on if we find someone new. Thanks for your feedback :) I wish you good luck!

Answer 9

Asker

Wow that is so tough! I wish you the best. If you want to share how it goes I would love to hear if it went well or not. We definitely deserve to be happy especially if it feels like it has gone on for too long and you’ve reached that limit. Thank you again (:

Answer 10

Zeppelinrocks

Update: he called this morning and we talked about it. He said that she is basically his mentee for the student org position that she’s taking over once he graduates, and also that she has a boyfriend, which was slightly embarrassing lol. But he also said that he is under a lot of stress right now and has a lot of unresolved issues that he needs to focus on right now. Otherwise he’s afraid he’ll end up hurting someone with the way these things manifest in his personality. He said that he just wants me to be happy, and if moving on from him would do that, then I should. So all in all, it soothed some of my fears, though I’m still kind of on the fence on which box to put him in. I hope if you’ve talked to your person, that it’s gone well for you!

Answer 11

Asker

I’m happy you talked to him! Well that cleared one concern at least, that’s good news. But still kinda disappointing to hear that I’m sure.. how are you feeling about it all now? It’s a lot to think through, I feel similar to where you’re at. Like he left the ball in my court kinda, we both said we should take some time and then adjust or see. So I don’t know where I’m at with it all either. It’s just he can’t give me what I currently want and there’s nothing I can do about it so I have no idea what to feel lol

Answer 12

Zeppelinrocks

It is something kind of bittersweet. Right now I’m kind of exhausted tbh- I think I’m just going to wait until a connection grows organically- whether with him or with someone else. I’m not going to try to date around at this point, just going to focus on myself and my own well-being. If he wants to reconnect, he knows the vein is always open to him.

I really understand how you feel about not knowing where to go. People always say like “take things day by day” or “don’t worry about the future” but that is kind of impossible right now lmao. For me, I’m just going to be the best friend that I need right now, because I have a lot of growth I should be doing too. I think strengthening my friendships and investing time in my own hobbies will help me stop fixating so much on him. Like, I feel frustrated at the situation, but because this is something only he can fix for himself, I’m basically torturing myself- and that’s not cool, nor is it something he would want me to do. I think that even though neither of us are getting what we want at the moment, at least our respective men were honest and upfront about what they could provide. I would much rather be just friends right now than in a half-assed or inauthentic relationship. I wish you all the luck in the world with your person, or with whomever you choose! Feel free to DM if you’d like to keep up, I could use some emotional support and I’m quite good at providing it too :)

Answer 13

Siren777 | 355 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

You're absolutely right. Don't expect a guy to commit to you if he is focusing on his career and in it's early stages. Guys will choose stability over feelings/girls. Be a motivation but not a doormat and wait around.
Where it comes to death, you will be surprised that they actually want someone to be there for them so this is not the case. Unless he out right tells you he cannot deal believe him when he tells you what he wants. Then give him space but if he wants you around while grieving then it's best to be there for him. Financial circumstances and death are different.

Asker

24 d
Ok, this guy is focusing on his career currently because he doesn’t even have a job and is in large debt and his career is his only interest now. But, I told him I couldn’t wait around for him and I said we should go separate ways until he figures it all out. What hurt is that he told me he only can do casual dating and hookups now when I expressed I wanted more and he said he doesn’t want to feel guilty for pursuing other women to sleep with because I want more that he can’t give currently. Is that shitty of him to say or should I be understanding here?
Siren777

24 d
To be honest, at least he was honest. Now you know where you stand with him, so it's easier to decide. I know it's going to hurt. He isn't exactly in the best position to give you what he want. So do you want to settle for side piece while he goes about and enjoys his life? All I know is that a guy will get his shit together if he wants you enough that's only if only has you on his mind. Seems like he wants to play around. The ball is in your court.
Asker

24 d
I don’t want to play around with him while he’s playing around because I feel like he’d never view me as more? Which is why I ended things with him a few days ago and I explained this to him. He told me let’s keep in contact and we’ll see and he understands I don’t want to be just another girl he’s sleeping with.

I guess I’m just wondering since I don’t hookup or have experience with this... I know he can’t be serious with me, but is his choice to sleep with others while sleeping with me proof he wouldn’t ever take me seriously even if he was in a stable position?
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Asker

24 d
Thanks for responding by the way. I’m trying to work through these thoughts I have and I don't know who to talk to. I’m so confused
Siren777

24 d
I'm going to be as honest as possible. He doesn't see you as more. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Keeping in contact with you- keeping you as an option. Never believe a "we'll see" that never comes to a definite answer in the future. Sometimes people become too comfortable in their habits, so even if he had stability he might continue his old way. There are no guarantees as I don't know him that well. We won't know how react with stability. Some guys like playing around whether they have stability or not.
Asker

24 d
Ok thanks I appreciate the honesty. In his past he has had many stable relationships so I don’t think he’s a huge player. That’s why I guess I don’t get why he wouldn’t only want to sleep with me right now but he said that’s basically like I’m his girlfriend and he can sense I’d push for more from him right now and it would all lead to me wanting more from him that he can’t give me right now. He may be moving to another country too (his job is that uncertain) which is why he doesn’t want to be serious

Answer 14

Asker

Ok, this guy is focusing on his career currently because he doesn’t even have a job and is in large debt and his career is his only interest now. But, I told him I couldn’t wait around for him and I said we should go separate ways until he figures it all out. What hurt is that he told me he only can do casual dating and hookups now when I expressed I wanted more and he said he doesn’t want to feel guilty for pursuing other women to sleep with because I want more that he can’t give currently. Is that shitty of him to say or should I be understanding here?

Answer 15

Siren777

To be honest, at least he was honest. Now you know where you stand with him, so it's easier to decide. I know it's going to hurt. He isn't exactly in the best position to give you what he want. So do you want to settle for side piece while he goes about and enjoys his life? All I know is that a guy will get his shit together if he wants you enough that's only if only has you on his mind. Seems like he wants to play around. The ball is in your court.

Answer 16

Asker

I don’t want to play around with him while he’s playing around because I feel like he’d never view me as more? Which is why I ended things with him a few days ago and I explained this to him. He told me let’s keep in contact and we’ll see and he understands I don’t want to be just another girl he’s sleeping with.

I guess I’m just wondering since I don’t hookup or have experience with this... I know he can’t be serious with me, but is his choice to sleep with others while sleeping with me proof he wouldn’t ever take me seriously even if he was in a stable position?

Answer 17

Asker

Thanks for responding by the way. I’m trying to work through these thoughts I have and I don't know who to talk to. I’m so confused

Answer 18

Siren777

I'm going to be as honest as possible. He doesn't see you as more. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Keeping in contact with you- keeping you as an option. Never believe a "we'll see" that never comes to a definite answer in the future. Sometimes people become too comfortable in their habits, so even if he had stability he might continue his old way. There are no guarantees as I don't know him that well. We won't know how react with stability. Some guys like playing around whether they have stability or not.

Answer 19

Asker

Ok thanks I appreciate the honesty. In his past he has had many stable relationships so I don’t think he’s a huge player. That’s why I guess I don’t get why he wouldn’t only want to sleep with me right now but he said that’s basically like I’m his girlfriend and he can sense I’d push for more from him right now and it would all lead to me wanting more from him that he can’t give me right now. He may be moving to another country too (his job is that uncertain) which is why he doesn’t want to be serious

Answer 20

UrbanRAGER204

Xper 1

Honestly, 100% depends, if I feel like the girl is THE ONE then at least I would slam on the breaks and go over there and follow her like a kid follows the smell of pie. When it comes to the career if I could lose that person I would probably try the career but if it doesn't work I would either take a break for then or I stop and continue later. When it comes to death IK me and my friends will just get into a group call or something and we just talk. I have in the past gone to my best friend (who is a chick) and just cried when my grandma died.

Are there some moments where guys are unable to handle a relationship even if they meet a girl they are very into?

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