Or another example would be emotional issues like a recent death of a close one or something.
Or would guys always find a way to make it work despite anything going on?
Because I’m in this position and he told me he can’t give me what I need and let’s say he’s genuine. I am choosing to believe he is because I know his situation and I can understand why he can’t handle a relationship, so I told him I can’t do this until it’s real and we’re committed and he said he only is interested in casual non serious dating and hookups now and told me he doesn’t want to feel guilty for going after these hookup pursuits because I want something more right now that he can’t give.
Would I be a fool to accept him if he does come back when he feels ready?
I don’t think it would make you a fool to accept him back. What WOULD make you a fool is hanging around and being purposefully single so that he’ll maybe-hopefully-one-day give you the relationship you’re looking for. You can never rely on another person’s emotions, especially if they haven’t happened yet. That’s how you get hurt.
In my situation, the guy told me that he doesn’t want serious relationships bc reasons, but I don’t think he’s hooking up with other women. He does however have a female friend that I think he’s catching feelings for, and being hung up on him is stressing me tf out. Currently drafting a text to send to him basically saying “I feel like I’m losing you to her both as a best friend and as a potential partner. If you like her in that way, you need to tell me. I would prefer you to break my heart directly rather than me pining after a man I’ve already lost.” Let me know if that makes sense. I still want him as my friend, but I also don’t want to make him feel awkward if he really does only value her friendship. I just can’t keep these feelings down anymore
Aw I’m sorry :( that is a tough situation to be in. But if being hung up is stressing you out then I definitely say you need to talk with him. I was here last week. I was so stressed after so long and trying way more than he was, so we talked on the phone and I asked what I needed to in order to release myself from it all.
I think your message is great, it makes sense and it’s to the point. Is he your best friend too? And potential love? That makes the whole thing even harder I’m sure.
Yes 😭 My closest friend. And I’m sure you resonate with worrying for their well-being too- like I feel so bad to bother him with my anxiety when he has so much on his plate. But we deserve to be happy and to do what we need to clear the negative energy in our respective relationships as well as to move on if we find someone new. Thanks for your feedback :) I wish you good luck!
Update: he called this morning and we talked about it. He said that she is basically his mentee for the student org position that she’s taking over once he graduates, and also that she has a boyfriend, which was slightly embarrassing lol. But he also said that he is under a lot of stress right now and has a lot of unresolved issues that he needs to focus on right now. Otherwise he’s afraid he’ll end up hurting someone with the way these things manifest in his personality. He said that he just wants me to be happy, and if moving on from him would do that, then I should. So all in all, it soothed some of my fears, though I’m still kind of on the fence on which box to put him in. I hope if you’ve talked to your person, that it’s gone well for you!
I’m happy you talked to him! Well that cleared one concern at least, that’s good news. But still kinda disappointing to hear that I’m sure.. how are you feeling about it all now? It’s a lot to think through, I feel similar to where you’re at. Like he left the ball in my court kinda, we both said we should take some time and then adjust or see. So I don’t know where I’m at with it all either. It’s just he can’t give me what I currently want and there’s nothing I can do about it so I have no idea what to feel lol
It is something kind of bittersweet. Right now I’m kind of exhausted tbh- I think I’m just going to wait until a connection grows organically- whether with him or with someone else. I’m not going to try to date around at this point, just going to focus on myself and my own well-being. If he wants to reconnect, he knows the vein is always open to him.
I really understand how you feel about not knowing where to go. People always say like “take things day by day” or “don’t worry about the future” but that is kind of impossible right now lmao. For me, I’m just going to be the best friend that I need right now, because I have a lot of growth I should be doing too. I think strengthening my friendships and investing time in my own hobbies will help me stop fixating so much on him. Like, I feel frustrated at the situation, but because this is something only he can fix for himself, I’m basically torturing myself- and that’s not cool, nor is it something he would want me to do. I think that even though neither of us are getting what we want at the moment, at least our respective men were honest and upfront about what they could provide. I would much rather be just friends right now than in a half-assed or inauthentic relationship. I wish you all the luck in the world with your person, or with whomever you choose! Feel free to DM if you’d like to keep up, I could use some emotional support and I’m quite good at providing it too :)
Ok, this guy is focusing on his career currently because he doesn’t even have a job and is in large debt and his career is his only interest now. But, I told him I couldn’t wait around for him and I said we should go separate ways until he figures it all out. What hurt is that he told me he only can do casual dating and hookups now when I expressed I wanted more and he said he doesn’t want to feel guilty for pursuing other women to sleep with because I want more that he can’t give currently. Is that shitty of him to say or should I be understanding here?
To be honest, at least he was honest. Now you know where you stand with him, so it's easier to decide. I know it's going to hurt. He isn't exactly in the best position to give you what he want. So do you want to settle for side piece while he goes about and enjoys his life? All I know is that a guy will get his shit together if he wants you enough that's only if only has you on his mind. Seems like he wants to play around. The ball is in your court.
I don’t want to play around with him while he’s playing around because I feel like he’d never view me as more? Which is why I ended things with him a few days ago and I explained this to him. He told me let’s keep in contact and we’ll see and he understands I don’t want to be just another girl he’s sleeping with.
I guess I’m just wondering since I don’t hookup or have experience with this... I know he can’t be serious with me, but is his choice to sleep with others while sleeping with me proof he wouldn’t ever take me seriously even if he was in a stable position?
I'm going to be as honest as possible. He doesn't see you as more. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Keeping in contact with you- keeping you as an option. Never believe a "we'll see" that never comes to a definite answer in the future. Sometimes people become too comfortable in their habits, so even if he had stability he might continue his old way. There are no guarantees as I don't know him that well. We won't know how react with stability. Some guys like playing around whether they have stability or not.
Ok thanks I appreciate the honesty. In his past he has had many stable relationships so I don’t think he’s a huge player. That’s why I guess I don’t get why he wouldn’t only want to sleep with me right now but he said that’s basically like I’m his girlfriend and he can sense I’d push for more from him right now and it would all lead to me wanting more from him that he can’t give me right now. He may be moving to another country too (his job is that uncertain) which is why he doesn’t want to be serious
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