What can I do so he'll stop pursuing me?

I'm friends with this guy and he likes me - a lot! But I don't feel the same as he does, and I've told him that. I throw out the word friend when I can, just to emphasize the point since we hang out a lot. But I just get this feeling like he's not going to give up easily. I'm a bit uncomfortable around him, since I see him as a big brother. Help! What can I do so he'll stop pursuing me?

I'm not going to stop being his friend, so please don't say to stop hanging out with him.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Speaking on behalf of what would work on me... stop acknowledging his moves and attempted advances. Some guys, such as myself, are so positive in our mindset about how women respond to us that we can see EVERYTHING as a sign that a girl likes us. This mindset works wonders when a girl actually likes us but is playing the "hard to get" or "bitchy" game.

    Whenever he tries to make an advance, just do you best to either ignore what just happened or treat it as nothing more than a friendly gesture.

    For me, this would eventually lead to me growing tired of it and eventually burning out. To him, it might feel like he's making progress pushing a boulder up a steep hill because he perceives your responses as "gaining an extra inch." But... if you stop responding, he'll realize the boulder is going nowhere and he'd be better off doing something else.

    • Great info! Thanks a bunch! Soo, what do I do if he always insists on buying me lunch or dinner. I let him do that, but when he wants to buy me other things I say no. Should I stop letting him pay for lunch and dinner too? He's pretty stubborn about it by the way. And he always gets my car door and any other doors. I tell him he really doesn't have to do that, but he is insistent on it.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Stop hanging out with him, if you were truly a friend you'd care that you were breaking his heart.

    • You really haven't the foggiest idea of what kind of friend I am, other than the info I provided to you. Play it smart, dude, don't judge based on minimal, second-hand info. I'm sitting here and laughing at your response.

    • I'm pretty sure I have the situation figured out.

    • Well, you thought wrong. End of discussion.

What Girls Said 2

  • Since youve already told him that you don't like him that way maybe you need to say it more "clearly" say something like

    Ive already told you that we are just friends, and if you can't accept that than I can't be your friend anymore, all I want is a friendship with you and you have to realize that, that is all that will ever happen

    something like that ?

    sometimes you have to be harsh with a person for them to actually get it.

  • Sorry girl but this guy IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Anyone who keeps pushing you after you've already turned him down is NOT your friend. Most guys don't have purely platonic female friends, it's more than likely that he became your friend so he could get closer to you romantically. If you already told him you don't feel the same and you feel uncomfortable and the guy STILL keeps pursuing you..that is a big ass sign that he is thinking of His wants and doesn't care about yours. Don't be so desperate for friends that you tolerate hanging around someone who makes you feel like that.

    Tell him that you aren't interested in him like that directly.

    • I'm not desperate for friends. I met him through my best friend and for the first several years of our friendship we hardly ever saw each other. It was only when I was with my best friend. We have known each other for a long time and we only recently started hanging out more. I have other friends. He's just a really good one and I don't want to ruin the friendship.