He totally confuses me, advice?

I am separated going through divorce. A guy I started seeing is recently divorced (over a year). Things were going really awesome - then out of nowhere he tells me he wasn't looking for serious, but casual for now. I never said anything, hello I was still married. So we continue to see each other, and yes I mean sleep together too. He doesn't text nearly as much as before. he's got a lot going on in his life at the moment with work. Fine I get it. He says he will tell me if he doesn't want to see me. Go on some more. We try to see each other but it never worked out, he now has roomates, my husband is back around for a while. OK, still get it. I ask him if he is trying not to see me - flat out says no, our situation is just different. K.. keep it up, another month goes by, still struggling to see him, but I am initiating it mostly. I ask if some of my texts were too much or if I'm bugging him too much - again says no. So four months now, and at this point I Haven't seen him in 3 weeks Because of work (hes out of town), but we talk but its not quit the same, and when he was home he had no time to see me. Am I wasting my time, or just let it keep going like it is Because of all the other crap going on, or should I just flat out ask him?


Most Helpful Girl

  • It would appear as though he doesn't have any emotional investment in this and that he could just take it or leave it but chooses to keep going because it's comfortable, predictable, casual and everything that HE wants. HE is content. Not a fair playing field. Not fair to you at all to sort of keep giving you hope or false hope (sorry if that sounded harsh).

    Easier said than done for sure but see what happens if you simply don't contact him or initiate anything. I don't want to speak for you but I doubt you are looking for a FWB thing here and that will be fairly easy to identify if he comes around just looking for some action.

    I aplogize for sounding harsh but I am (or was maybe - not sure) going through the same thing. It's leveled off now but God knows what tomorrow will be like. I remember me asking the same thing, "am I texting you too much? Maybe your busy" and on and on and on. That's the sucky part is that you just don't know and that is so NOT fair.

    During your time of need (going through emotions with divorce etc), a true companion would be there to support you, want to see you and all of that.

    If he lacks interest in your life, your feelings and up and downs, then he isn't worthy of you.


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What Guys Said 2

  • If you're not getting what you want from him, then I would say stop contacting him. It's not a game, it's just removing the attention from someone you care about that isn't giving you attention back.

    Work may be taking him away, but other priorities may as well, which is why you feel taken advantage of right now.

    Focus on what makes you happy when you're away from romance. Stay away from your new guy and your legal, but emotionally-separated from husband.

    Oh, and I recommend keeping your physical intimacy to a minimum, even though I know you crave it. It's best to wait on those things, so you can avoid pain like this in the future.

  • If you noticed a clear change all of a sudden, something likely happened. Either he met someone else and he is not sure who he wants, or something bothered him big time in his relationship with you. Do you still live with your soon to he ex-husband? How long were the things awesome between the two of you?


What Girls Said 1

  • i think he's backing out but doesn't have the balls to tell you even when you straight out ask him