Has this "fall off the face of the Earth" ever happened to you?

So here's the back story. Dated a guy I met online for a month and a half. He did all the pursuing...5 great dates. He's in his mid-30s, educated, homeowner. He was "burned" by his fiance a few years ago, and she has since remarried. He assured me that he didn't have that baggage anymore, though he was re-doing the house that they once shared. While I didn't sleep with him the last time I saw him, we did have a bit of fun in the bedroom. because I knew he was going to be busy with his house, etc., I gave him his space and let him lead the way (since he was the pursuer). A week went by...I sent a hello text. I got great banter right away. The following week, I sent another text, including asking him out to dinner. He responded that he was doing stuff with his Dad the following weekend, but "we'd get out again though!" Then...nothing. For a while, I've been defending himself in my head because I was so convinced he was a )a nice guy and b)knew I was a nice girl that deserved SOME sort of communication (even if negative). GUYS, how do you sleep at night leaving a girl hanging? This wasn't a one night stand...is this normal? I want to move on, but I'm so shocked that I didn't see this coming! BTW: He's not online anymore, which he did tell me would be happening the last time I saw him. Thoughts?


Most Helpful Guy

  • He could be a bit flaky, or very busy at the moment, but to tell the truth it is a possibility that he's just a jerk who got what he wanted. You can't know which one it is, but surely you'd pick up on it if he just wanted to date, fool around and then give you taxi money and the wrong phone-number?

    Time will tell on what actually happened. He may have lost his phone (or your number), you knew he was going off the site anyway, and there are a thousand other reasons he has not been in touch.

    As for how guys can sleep at night after dumping a girl for no good reason, I don't know the answer to that but I'm guessing it involves a lot of alcohol or a large sedative.

    • I kind of disagree with this. I feel that he lost interest in her for whatever reason and took the easy way out in regard to communicating it. If he was just really busy, he'd make sure she knew it because he wouldn't want her to get frustrated and move on. He didn't lose his phone or her number because he was texting her back. Unfortunately, I think this behavior is pretty common.

    • True, but some of us are capable of forgetting someone else's feelings at times. You can't assume that everyone contacts other people when busy. Some people don't.

      As for the idea that behavior like that is common, I hope that isn't the case.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • oh dear. Experiencing the old "POOF! where did he go?!" business blows. I've had it happen a few times. What is so frustrating is that you can do everything right, play by all the rules, and sh*t still goes wrong. And the worst part is, is that ill do it to guys all the time. Unfortunately, I believe that it means they found someone else more entertaining :(

    • For this particular instance, I disagree with the "there's someone else" thing, and not because I don't want my feelings hurt. ;-) He was open (without me asking) that he wasn't dating anyone else or interested in anyone else online. The ONE flag I got was that he said his acct was ending soon and his life was going to be crazy in June, "and he didn't have time to handle online dating". That being said, he and I were dating for over a month. I text/email to end things seemed appropriate.

  • I haven't had a disappearing act happen after 5 good dates, but for some reason I keep expecting it from the guy I'm dating, who I also met online nearly 3 months ago. I think if he lost interest he would "fall off the face of the Earth" because he seems to be the kind of guy that doesn't talk about feelings and avoids confrontation. Is your guy like that? I don't know the answer to your question about whether this behavior is "normal" or not, but maybe guys think that by just disappearing they *are* telling us. Personally, I think it's a cop-out and very cowardly, but I read somewhere that guys would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than cause us to cry (not that you would).

    • That's what perplexed me so much. I'm in my mid-30s. I've been played, been dumped...and you usually see it coming. But never have I had this happen after 4-5 great dates. I guess after 3 weeks of no contact, it's not a good thing, but it just blows my mind that a grown adult couldn't have even sent an email or a text to let me move on right away. We didn't gush about our feelings, since it was the beginning of something, but did tell me he wasn't dating anyone else and asked me the same. Grrr.