Should you see someone right after you got separated?

There's this woman I know at work who has just filed for a divorce and now is separated and she also has two kids. I guess you can call it the ex-husband has been trying to work on his gambling problem and has been going to therapy so he can save his marriage but the lady says there's no going back. Here's the thing, the woman and her co-worker have been friends for two years and have always been attracted to each other but they never crossed that line because she was married, but now they've been talking a lot and they've also been having sex. The ex-husband doesn't know about it. She's told me that since she's doesn't plan to get back with the ex, what does it matter but she doesn't know if she plans to have a serious relationship with this guy, she just wants to have fun. Her friends have told her she's just going to be another trophy in his rack since he has a reputation of sleeping with other woman through out the company. One of her co-workers told her she has no shame and that she goes from one black man to another, the lady is white and that she should focus on her kids and when the divorce is finalized then she can screw whoever she wants. I don't know what to make of this I just stay out of it. Any thoughts?


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What Girls Said 1

  • The way you are phrasing the question, I'm not sure if you are the ex husband or the guy sleeping with the woman. If you are the ex husband, file for divorce. If you are the guy sleeping with her, just wait until her divorce is finalized. If she doesn't want you, that's her choice. You sound like a rebound.

    • I'm not the ex husband nor the guy she's sleeping with. I work with a bunch of women around me and in my section and they speak so loud I have to put my ipod on full blast. She sits across from me and told me about it

What Guys Said 1

  • It's up to you, man. First of all, don't judge. This woman has been through a lot already, is going through a lot now and this is her way of coping with all of the stress.

    Does she value your opinion? Does she respect you? It's difficult to know when to be proactive and offer constructive criticism, even if you know it could damage your relationship. You could just say that you're worried about her and that you're available to listen if she wants to talk. Start more passive, instead of offering advice.

    Now, I've filed for divorce and I don't plan on dating anyone until we've signed on the dotted line and the judge says "Congratulations, you're divorced."

    We all make mistakes, but we all learn from them. It's obvious you are concerned for this woman and her family. It's up to this woman to WANT your help.

    • She hasn't asked my opinion yet, she just vented to me because I sit across from her at work. As you can read from my comment above, my other co-workers are ragging on her because she has no common sense and that she asked her co-worker to watch her kids one night so she can see the guy and my co-worker told her "hell no". If she ever asked me my opinion what she should do, I'll ask first what I really think or does she want me to tell her what she wants to hear.

    • Well, if you want to gain her trust, you can sort of defend her, as it's obvious you care. You don't have to condone what she's doing. You could draw attention to the faults of the other people pointing out your co-worker's actions or simply tell them that she's going through a hard time and they're not making it any worse. How many people like having their faults pointed out to them without any request for it?