1/3 life crisis, how do I date?

Well I hit the good ole' 30 a few days ago. I'm single, ex pro mma fighter and I moved to another state for a new full time job and a steady pay check. For most of my 20s I didn't really put my career as number one (although I did make decent money running a business). I am finally putting my education to use. However I am determined to pay off my student loans and credit cards. I am so determined I don't own a car and ride a bike to work everyday. It saves me between $500 to $800 a month. I share a nice place with 2 other roommates (I live next to the ocean) to keep the rent low. I am making progress to becoming debt free.

So when I was in my late 20s I did pretty well with women. I was in excellent shape, looked young for my age, had a flexible schedule and still could brag about being a competitor. I kind of had a "dragged out" college 20ish experience. I had lots of friends in their early/mid 20s. I dated lots of girls in their early 20s. But deep down I was ignoring my financial future. I had a degree and I wasn't using it.

Fast forward to now. I work 45 to 60 hours a week and party MUCH less to save money and stay away from drinking too much. I still exercise, but don't have time to train 3-4 hours a day.

What do I want in a woman right now? Well I not looking to bang and run...although I did have one girl actually do that to me few months ago (don't get used for sex very often...but I'm not complaining...ha). I would be willing to settle down with the right girl. I guess right now I would like a low drama, fun relationship with a cool girl. We can hang out on weekends. Do fun stuff. Have good sex and still have mutual respect. I would like a mid 20s girl, but I would go either way (younger/older) if a girl is respectful.

With every girl I've met I have been upfront/honest on why I have been living a spartan lifestyle. I don't want to be some fake dude with 30k car loan, 50K in student debt and god awful amounts in credit card debt. My current situation is temporary, If I keep going the way I'm going I'll buy a car in for cash in 6-9 months.

I also don't want to be a "30 year old boy" but at the same time I'm worried I'm getting labeled as boring. The last three girls I went on dates with got real turned off when I told them truth. Two of them didn't respond to be text messages afterward, even though I just said "thanks for the date I had a good time". I'm getting more cracks about my age and "you're a creeper" looks from girls. Most of these girls I meet on POF.

Then again, I still do look young. I have taken care of myself. I've never lied about my age to anyone. I hate to say it, but it's getting more and more tempting to tell the next girl "hey babe I'm 26".

Should I just give up on dating for a while? I feel like being honest is turning girls off. I feel like I am being judged harsher.

Does anybody know where I can get advice from successful men in their early 30s?

btw when I saw "mid 20s...I mean 23 to 17. NOT 18 to 21!


Most Helpful Girl

  • the best way to date and probably also the best way to find a job is through word of mouth. Just be friends with a friend who has a party (like a house party or something) and then hopefully that friend (guy or girl) will tell other single girls that you are single and looking. They will come to you or when you go to them you won't be like a creep.

    For example: guy A has a friend, girl B and girl C.

    You go to a party and talk to Girl B and the later girl C. Both girls, if guy A told you were single and talked to them about you will not think you are a creep. They will be like, oh you are guy A's friend. And be like, he told us you had a cool life and live by the beach! that is so awesome. I love the beach. and then you continue the conversation by asking them where they are from, where they live now and how they know guy A etc.

    Anyways the point is the best way to make a friend is casually and non-forced. Hopefully that helps.

    Anyways yeah, I know that the average age for guys and girls (you can google this) is going up. there are a lot of guys and girls single that are much older now a days. I am 25 and over 1/2 of my class (guys and girls) from elementary school (that means 12/25 kids) are single. they are single as in not in a relationship and no marriage. I have about 350 Facebook friends all around the age of 25 and guess what? 1/2 of them are single and looking. Only a few of us got lucky and got married it seems... thank God I'm one of the lucky ones who got married. Because as you grow older there seems to be a lot less time to make "deep" frienships. Everyone is so buys and can't hang out much. Everyone has a job that they work 40-60 hours a week and on the weekends they are so tired out they just want to sleep.

    well anyways, just letting you know that you are not alone in that boat you are on and also let you know that you can find a good girl probably through a mutual friend or familiy member. Good luck

    • thanks for the encouragement :). Yeah I am getting pressure from a lot of relatives to get married. I also work lots of married folks. One of my exes got married not too long ago.

      It's more of my behavior and personality. I'm known for being a little unpredictable, bipolar. This entertains some girls...but now I'm wondering if I should act older but not boring.

    • you should just be yourself.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • You're a guy overall you don't lose much value as you get older.

    It's really just a numbers game like it's always been for guys.

    You got called creepy for being socially awkward then you'll get called creepy for being older than them now.

    Keep hitting the 18-25 market.

    Do you think you look young or do young girls tell you that you do?

    If you're getting creeper looks from girls the age you want to date you probably don't still look young.

    • are you being sarcastic about "hitting the 18-25 year old market'. Yeah I don't look that young. But I know plenty of dudes who are around my age and look like complete sh*t right now. This is a transitional time for me right now. I really have no idea on how to act...that is why I posted this question. It kinda sucks.

    • Show All
    • Hope I cleared up any misconceptions you have about me old dinosaur.

      Not sure why you added the stalking young girls thing but if it's legal it's cool for you to give initial attention.

    • "The 18-25 age group are fun. Not disputing that."

      Of course it is it's the preferred age group for dinosaurs.

      Guys in their 30s date 10 years younger (20).

      Guys in their 40s date 20 years younger (20-30 but 20-25 is preferred)

      It just keeps going the common number is 20 among guys 30 - 60 years old.

  • You are not old and your not a creeper. Everyone knows guys usually don't wanna settle down till they are about 30 anyways. Maybe the girls your trying to get at are not ready yet either. At least your responsible for your finances now, that's a good thing. If your wanting a serious relationship then I would think that having your first sentence to a girl be a lie wouldn't be the right way to start off lol I'm only 22 but even I know that. Don't let a few bimbos get you down.

  • Im pretty bad with age.. admittedly I can't even tell the diff. B/w late 20s to mid 30s :/ so I can't be of much help, & I also think pof is just a waste. Get rid of it , funny don't waste your time. So what exactly is a "30 year old boy" is that a the same as a man child?


What Guys Said 3

  • This is what you do - do NOT describe your life to any girl.

    Sure, you were an MMA fighter, and you'll be getting a car and all that happy horsesh*t in 6-9-12 months. But it does not matter.

    When girls find out about your life, they'll get bored of you fast and will want to find another guy to figure out. Keep your mystery, but reveal a little bit about yourself at a time.

    Infact, I suggest you look up PUA sites and see what they have to say. They pick up girls because they're funny, confident, and entertaining. That's what most women want - some excitement, a good time, and an attractive guy.

    Here's one big tip that can help: Demonstrate high value. Girls love guys who have more value to them. They love powerful dudes who are in control.

    • actually yeah I have been talking too much. And yes, women like mystery. I think I sorta forgot that when I had this transition. I feel like I got to justify myself for not having a car. For f***s sake I should just get the fricken auto loan.

  • Do you bring up MMA every time you talk to women?

    • no. It's not in my POF profile. I do bring it up, but never right away. But they often ask what I've been doing for the last few years.

    • If you're looking for a decent woman, it's better that you don't get the car to impress her. Makes your job of sorting through the mountains of worthless leeches that much easier, they'll sort themselves out.

    • it is an acid test for a girl's true interest level. But I got to test a lot more chics now...ha.

  • if your 30 then its your 2/3 life crisis 30 more years and you enter the life expect of males lol

    • haaa...you know the number one problem with our federal deficit is social security. Old people who didn't do sh*t preparing for retirement are bleeding everybody dry through social security/medicaid. If I kick the bucket at 45 I will be one less freeloader...

    • all my grand parents and parents have retirement fundes saved up JUST for retirement. ower goverment has more problems then you think lol