Newly dating an older coworker- advice needed on the pace of the relationship!

I'm having some trouble determining how to read a new "dating" situation I am in. Here's the scenario. I'm 25, and have been recently dating an (indirect) coworker who is 40. For the past few weeks or so, we have been going out to dinner or for a casual drink about 2 times per week. We live about 1.5 hours apart, so we have always hung out right after work (a mutual spot), whether it be a weekday or a Friday night. We have a lot in common and get along fabulously, but I'm becoming concerned. While he certainly doesn't avoid being close to me, he has not attempted to kiss me and things seem to be moving "slower" than usual. Everything he has said/done so far indicate that he is more traditional when it comes to dating, yet what should I make of this? I guess I'm not used to the pace and flow I'm experiencing with him, but this might be due to our age gap as well. It also has crossed my mind that he might no longer be interested, but has yet to "break it off" for fear of seeing me at work? I don't know- help!


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  • I'm 24, so I'm hoping I can help you by being an outsider on this, and taking a different perspective, but at the same age as yourself.

    Since you say he's somewhat traditional (kudos! I've been looking for someone like that for awhile), my first instinct from reading your question was this: He's into you, but he doesn't really have the option to kiss you. Since you meet for dinner or a drink, there may be other coworkers there. And while he doesn't mind sitting closer to you, etc. he may not want to appear as if he's trying to be all over you. I think he WANTS to kiss you and get closer, but also may be skiddish. Consider the person -- he's 40 and dating a younger woman. He's HAD to have had his share of relationships in his lifetime.and none of them have lead to the American portrait of "family." Not that that's what he wants, but given this information, he may be worried about the impression you'll get if he DOES try to kiss you. He's probably terrified of messing up because he's already 40 and still single (not dogging you dating him, just imagining if it were me in his shoes).

    What do you think?

    • Thanks! Great thoughts- makes me feel better about the situation! You're exactly right about feeling skiddish- I think that's where he's at. He has been divorced for almost 3 years now but from what he's told me of the situation, he had a really difficult recovery (there was infidelity on her part). I guess I'm just a bit "on edge" about the situation myself- I have not dated this far out of my age range before, so there's some things to I'm still getting used to as a part of that!

    • Keep me posted on how things go for you guys! My own love life is not very interesting at the moment (recently single). So, let me know how it goes. I sure hope it helped!!

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