Introvert dating an extrovert, problems insue

my boyfriend told me today that he thinks I am a sad, miserable and lonely person with nothing better to do than call him every night. for the record we have a long distance relationship and I do not call him every night. tonight was the first night I have called him in 5 days (he's called me the past 2). truth is, I am an introvert, people exhaust me and I actually enjoy staying at home watching movies, cleaning house, tending to the garden and what not. I don't like going out, I never have and I don't have any friends that I see/hang out with on a regular basis. sure, I used to have "good" friends but they all screwed me over in some form or another to a point that was just unforgivable, so why go bother if I'm just fine the way I am? I easily entertain myself and always have, being an only child, I've almost always gone solo. when my boyfriend and I met (we weren't always long distance) I did have friends that I spent almost every waking hour with and that was really something new for me, high school was like an anomaly in that I had a close group of friends and it was really starting to get annoying. I just don't do well around people and I've tried explaining this to him, alas, he is an extrovert and it seems like he constantly needs to be around people and thinks that there is something wrong with me if I don't feel the same (he's even asked me to see a doctor about depression or go to a therapist). I'm not unfriendly when I do go out, like to the grocery store or the mailbox. I do talk to people and I'm very nice and friendly, but that doesn't mean that I want to spend my entire day/evening at a club or at someone elses house, it honestly makes me uncomfortable and I just don't enjoy myself. this is really becoming an issue with a lot of arguments and I just don't know how to handle it any more, why can't I make him understand that I like my life just the way it is and I don't want to change it, especially just because he thinks it's unnatural and depressing.

well, now I am just a sad and lonely person. my boyfriend just broke up with me because he said I don't motivate him enough and I don't make up for/cover up his own faults... where the hell is the logic in that?!


Most Helpful Guy

  • (Ok, I'm the anonymous guy lol)

    I don't know then. maybe you could go to a shrink and take him with you so you can prove your not depressed lol

    You have to understand his side too, he thinks you are depressed and wants to help, you can talk to him and ask him to stop with this depression thing because its bothering you.

    Try to explain that you like staying at home, that you feel more comfortable without lots of people around you and this is yourself and if he likes you, he will have to accept it. You are not saying you are going to live in your house forever, but you just don't like to go out as much as him. if he really don't understand you can give me your number and your MSN and break up with him ;)

    lmao jk


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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm an introvert, too...people are going to tell you there is something wrong with you, but there isn't. Introversion is a normal variation of the human personality.

    Strangely, I am attracted to extroverts, too. I don't know why.

    • Opposites attract, lol.

  • Oh girl. I'm just wondering why you still with your boyfriend instead of me, you're just the kind of girl I'm looking for!

    But well. for your problem, the only thing you can do is talk to him and try to convince him that you are fine the way you are. You can try to go out with him more often, like for dinner or maybe the movies, but someday he will have to realize that you like staying at home lol

    • Sadly I can't even see him except via webcam, but even when we were physically together he said that I always brought him down because I just wasn't a "go-getter" I've tried talking to him but all he sasy is that I'm depressed and it's putting him in a bad mood. it's so frustrating because I'm not depressed. one time I thought I got through to him, but the next day he was back at it, I guess it's just over his head.

What Girls Said 2

  • Sounds like me and my friends. We all pretty much are all introverts that hang out together (my boyfriend is also more of an introvert than I am). Anyways your boyfriend probably is just worried that your spending too much time by yourself (which obviously isn't a problem for you). Not sure how much time he feels that you should spend out of the house, but who said it needed to be a whole day event. I think there is a way to compromise about this, but as to how is up to you and your bf. (long distant relationships are difficult I know. my boyfriend lives in IL and I'm in CA)

  • He sounds ignorant and unwilling to admit it. You being an introvert probably compounds this as young men (and extroverts) don't generally trust women (or introverts) to be experts on themselves (even though healthy, confident introverts usually ARE). Extroverts generally AREN'T experts on themselves, and because culture says THEY'RE the model of "normal," they project . It takes them time and experience to mature enough to admit that they're wrong. Or to learn that even if they disagree with someone else's perspective of their own inner workings, it's a sign of respect to at least nominally accept what ADULTS say about THEMSELVES.

    He sounds like a "feeler" too.They tend to think that EVERYONE would rather FEEL good about themselves than BE good & EXPECT a S.O. TO PROVIDE that FEELING by excusing & flattering,etc, while they rarely put any energy into BEING something for their SO.Let me explain: because they find little or no value in introspection, they aren't capable of growth, unless something outside themselves hits them over the head REPEATEDLY. However, YOU will keep trying to accommodate them, which will appear lazy to them because they can't perceive or evaluate anything that doesn't take place in the physical world other than by how *they* feel about it. So the only possible thing you could have done for him to know you're normal & invested is to be nearby & focusing on him or on others in whatever way HE FEELS is appropriate.

    People like him are destructive for introverts & maybe vice versa.He thinks everyone who's healthy is like him, so has no idea how to deal with people who aren't, even though he's the one KILLING them.Like the european emigrants first did in N.America, he's assuming that his seeds grow in every soil & every climate or that his methods are best for growing all plants. And for reasons of his own, he's not listening to those who actually know. Again, IMO, it's an immature thing to assume he knows better than anyone else, even when he's late to the party. Sadly, he won't be forced to recognize *his* role in the problem by starving.He's just going to move on. &probably blame the next introvert by claiming she's "too much like [his] ex."Not that it def would have had a better chance of working out for you, but if he was more circumspect or was open to the idea of people experiencing the world differently from him, he wouldn't go around making you the fall guy.

    This guy also sounds really immature if he can't recognize that *he* is initiating phone calls as well as you, but that he wants you to be 'too busy' to answer!You may think of that as playing games & IMO, so do most secure adults when in established relationships. A more mature extrovert might have expected you to answer the phone because you're taking the LDR seriously & giving them the attention THEY NEED.They'd also take note of the time you're NOT phoning & know that it's normal for YOU, & not judge you by what you're doing instead, unless it was cheatin

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