Matchamker who can't get a date.

I have a friend who is slightly older than me (he's 22). He's never had a girlfriend and is extremely shy around girls. He's a wicked nice guy and an excellent friend who has been in a string of bad luck and has fallen victim to our rising unemployment rate. He's done a lot for me over the years and I feel like I owe him something for it and so am keeping my eyes open for a girl he might like.

The problem is, I have a lot of issues attracting girls myself. I'm a little on the shy side as well but I eventually will talk to a girl I like but it never goes anywhere beyond a friendship, and that often doesn't even last.

I know what my friend's problem is, he's waaaayyyy too shy, which explains pretty much everything but I don't know what my problem is. I keep the conversation clean at first and adjust accordingly to the conversation topic and the girls personality, I'm a great listener who can usually offer up advice that 9 times out of 10 proves useful, I'm extremely reliable and trustworthy and I know I'm not hideously ugly.

So I actually have two questions.

1. What is my problem?

2. How can I fix it and then help my friend out?


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I have the same problem, I can always figure what the downfall of others are, but for some reason when it comes to myself.well, welcome to the club, I'm the founder.

    I think your problem is pretty much along the lines of hedoniste, It's not your shyness.shy people date too.and like you said you do eventually end up talking to them.

    You have great qualities that many many girls find it HARD to find in a guy, a few of us might even think they don't exist. What you need to do is sell yourself, don't say it explicitly but show her by your actions that you are this person and you would be a great boyfriend, NOT a great friend, that's not what you want from the relationship is it?

    And also the fact that the friendships don't last, speaks volumes. If she moves on from a casual friendship it means she was possibly lso expecting it to go somewhere further, but was waiting on you to take the lead and be more assertive about it. When that doesn't happen: you are left waiting on a miracle to happen, and she is waiting on you to prove yourself more than friend material.

    No one's interest is being met, and so you're going to drift apart, it wasn't a casual attraction that you had, so you start to get know what I mean?

    I've helped some, hedoniste gave some pretty good advice.

    hope the matchmaker gets matched! =]


What Guys Said 1

  • From a shy guy turned player, here were my problems:

    Mistake #1: I didn't meet enough women. Women do not fall from the sky like rain. If you want one, you have to go find them. Once you find them, you have to know how to flirt with them, and know when they're flirting back.

    (This is about 75% of your job. Obsess yourself with this. Watch everywhere, who's doing well and who's doing poorly. Hint: Most of your clues are in body language.)

    As for the minor, Maxim/GQ stuff, that's easy. Imitate any guy who's reasonably well-dressed and doesn't look like a dork. Go for clean rather than stylish. (Vanity intimdates some women and turns others off.)

    Then find an honest, devoted, and candid female friend and tell her to offer ABSOLUTELY ANY corrections she cares to. You don't have to do everything she says, but you do have to LISTEN and notice what she's paying attention to. (Note: You can never sleep with this woman.)

    Mistake #2: I got myself friended. This is a tough one, because we're supposed to be friendly and make friends when possible, right? WRONG. Not when we're looking for lovers. Making friends with women you want as lovers sends mixed signals, forms bad habits, and, worst of all, frustrates women who want YOU as a lover.

    So be a little less friendly with your lovers. Your attitude toward her should be one of casual attraction. You should BOTH be keenly aware that you're auditioning for the part of her lover. If it looks like your flunking the audition, LOSE INTEREST AND GO AWAY. If you do this right, you should be kicking the large majority of women you meet to the curb. If she's not likely to be your lover, what are you doing with her? Waste of time, yours and hers.

    There's other stuff to figure out, but sort these two things out and you can sort out anything.