Dating etiquette

Ok so I have always been in relationships so I am new to the dating scene. I started dating a guy about a month ago and he would say things like he couldn't sleep because he wanted me cuddling with him, and would always say he was thinking about me, etc. Things were going great but then I found out a week ago he had kissed someone else and was talking to her too. I got upset about this and told him he could of at least been honest with me that he didn't want to see me anymore. Now, we never discussed exclusive so I guess it was my mistake for assuming we weren't dating others, but is this normal? In the dating world is it expected/normal to date multiple people? For me it would feel like cheating, so it would be hard for me to do, but like I said I am new to this so I need advise.

My friend told me he did like me and still wanted to date me but he had just gotten out of a 15 year relationship and wanted to just date and wasn't ready for a relationship. I wish I could go back and not get so upset, since I was the one who assumed we were exclusive, but sharing a guy just seems a little off to me. I guess my real question is, is it usual to date more than one person at a time when you are dating nowadays?


Most Helpful Girl

  • My understanding is that until monogamy is explicitly brought into the picture, you are still technically single and you can date other people. It might be that because you're so used to relationships, you've forgotten what dating is for--figuring out if you want a relationship with the other person in the first place!

    I think sometimes, as women, when men say, Oh, I'm not ready for commitment, we hear, Oh, I'm not ready to commit to YOU, but that just isn't true! I'm sure you're great and he'd be lucky to have you. My experience has just been that men commit a LOT slower than we do. Obviously there are exceptions, but this sounds like a typical case where you met a great guy, clicked, knew he was relationship material, but he simply didn't make the same leap as you did. It's a time frame thing. I think he probably DID get out of a long relationship, DOES want to meet new women, and WILL settle down, but he doesn't want to feel like he's trapped in more of the old destructive thing.

    Now, of course, there are no "rules" in dating or relationships, so if you really REALLY hate this, simply--don't date him. If it feels like cheating, well, your standards are your standards. Men don't have to share them, but you'd probably be happier with one who did, and there are definitely men who do.

    The answer, if you still want him, is to give it time. Don't push for a relationship--you've been in them for a long time, right? So why not enjoy being single for a change? And hey, haven't you ever heard that what's good for the goose is good for the gander? :D

    • Well I don't think he will talk to me again for the way I told him I was hurt that he was leading me on. I just wish I knew and I wouldn't of gotten so upset. I have been single all year, never been married and I am just ready to settle down, I want to be in love, I hate being single. Just wish I could find someone else who is too

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What Guys Said 1

  • I wouldn't say there is any rule about this. Some people are at least serially at a TIME, I mean...while others are promiscuous in general, and some are in between and many are just opportunists always looking to score, but will temporarily stay with one person if opportunities don't present themselves.

    You need to decide what you want to begin with and MAKE THAT CLEAR right at the beginning.

    It's not that different with adults than it was with children, if you were ever a mother, or even a baby sitter...


What Girls Said 3

  • Some men just want to have fun with you all the while, having fun with others! Women, especially in the more mature age group, can only date one guy at a time! Otherwise it leads to too much confusion! He evidently wasn't honest with you from the begining or it wasn't discussed which happens alot! Behavior can be so misleading! Plus, I tend to think that some women are relationship material, which is the way you sound to me, but I'm sure he read you the same way as myself. He just wants to have fun right now and if your up for that, go for it! Otherwise, he's not relationship material and you need to let go!

    You really didn't over react at all to me! Just a misunderstanding and the lack of boundaries!

    So, next time, have a little fun but clearly state what you want! It will save you much stress!

    Plus, if someone is worthy of my time, I should be worthy of theirs! If not, its time to go!

  • ok well am sort of like that sometimes.i prefer a relationship as appose to dating different ppl.but in this day and age sometimes its better to date or even be friends with someone before you look for a he just came out of a 15 year relationship I read a book right and they said something similar to this when a guy says they dnt wanna a relationship right now and they just got out of one and things like that its not nessesary that-that may be true sometimes its just that they didn't see theirselves with you

    Or maybe even that they consider someone else now I dnt believe in all these articles about men especially when its coming from a woman point of veiw am not going to ask a farmer to fix my car I'll go straight to a mechanic.

    i think you should just forget about him find someone else.


    • Well he didn't tell me he wasn't ready for a relationship, my friend who set us up told me that after it ended. The things he would say to me made it seem like we wanted the same things. I don't know if I was ready to be "official" but when I date someone, they are the only ones I date until I make up my mind about them

  • yes. sadly it is a bit normal. I was with a guy couple months ago who is 6 years older than me and he CLearly asked me out the day he met me but that relationship ended up being CRAp. I didn't end up finding out until like 3 wks later when he told me he wanted us to be "together" that he didn't think of us like that already. well I obviously thought we already were! I was so pissed! I was just kinda like wtf I wasnt with anyone since you asked me out.but I wondered if he had. I don't know this probably doesn't help. but don't feel alone because I do know how this is! its frustrating