Should I tell my boyfriend that he was initially supposed to be a rebound?

Initially it was just a drunk make out session, and I intended on ending it there. At the time I was in a relationship with a guy who would emotionally blackmail me. Every time I tried to break things off with him he'd try to kill himself. I was trying to avoid feeling responsible for his death, but I can honestly say I loved the guy at the time. Nothing was planned, but this served as a good reason to end things between us.

After we made out, the guy tried to pursue a relationship with me. I finally gave in, and we're dating.

My boyfriend and I have been together for three months and I really like him. But, because I had literally no time between my ex and dating him I feel guilty, like I'm not being fair to him because I can tell he loves me, and I think subconsciously I'm blaming him for the loss of my ex. I really want things to work out between us though, but I feel like because I'm not telling him it's the same as lying. I'm afraid that if I do tell him, he won't want to be with me anymore. What should I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with 'nonameme'. Years ago a female friend invited me to go on a weekend trip together. She had been seeing this guy for a long time when this happened.

    On the trip, we hooked up and ended up dating for more than 10 years after that. I knew that she only wanted me as a fling/rebound at the time. She had never outright told me that... but it was pretty obvious.

    Even though I knew the score, I still think if she opened up and admitted, "i really just wanted to use you for sex and nothing else"... that would have hurt.

    If it really makes you feel awful for not telling him... and this feeling makes you treat him differently, then I guess you should come out and let him know. I just don't see any good that can come from it. Nothing ever goes as we plan it. Some people go into a relationship planning the wedding the first week... and that rarely (if ever) works. So don't worry about what you planned, just let things happen naturally and don't overthink it.

    Of course, all this goes out the window if you truly do continue to blame him for losing your ex. It wasn't his fault... he was just there when you needed someone to make you feel better. So you need to let this internal resentment go... you need to find a way... or else it might be best to let this new guy go as well.


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What Guys Said 1

  • 1st off what kind of guy is he. is he understanding type or judgmental,

    does he seem to forgive easily if others treat him somewhat unfairly or does he hold a grudge.

    LOL probably scared you with those : there is nothing that can not be handled if worded and presented properly. you may have saw that rebound at the 1st but those things changed to I guess real feelings . stuff like that happens. and who says being a rebound guy has to be a bad thing . look what happened between you two. so was it bad. if not don't worry about it.your intial feelings changed from the original plan right so at present time is he or is he not a rebound or your best buddy and boyfrind(believe me it can be both). so if you have true feelings for him now how are you lying to him at present time . your living now not when you 1st met him again

    what are your true feelings again "NOW" that should be what you base your relationship on. those feelings now.

    lol I know sounds like a broken record don'yt I LOL I quess you get my point


What Girls Said 1

  • Absolutely not, it will only hurt his feelings. If he turned into something more then I suggest you don't say anything since you care about him.