Why is my ability to charm so situational?

I don't really get it; I work at a grocery store and when it's my turn to go around and help people everyone seems to respond well to it. Actually, that seems to happen to me in almost any social situation at work, but then I can't seem to carry that outside of work. I'm not really the kind of guy that seems able to just go out and pick up women, but if I could just harness my abilities outside of work I feel that I could be doing so much better in the dating world. I'm also at University for Computer Science (which makes me naturally a bit of an anxiety-driven person to begin with), but when I'm at work I sometimes feel like my anxieties just melt away a bit more, because I'm being paid to be social, which I seem to be able to do only on command. Any advice?


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What Girls Said 2

  • i wish there was an easy answer to this... I think you're more social where you work because you're naturally more comfortable in that environment... the only way I can think of you transferring that kind of social ease to the dating field would be through visualization. I know that sounds sketchy lol, but try it. just pretend that the bar (or wherever you go to pick up women) is the supermarket. focus on the feeling of you being 100% comfortable where you are... at the end of the day, it's mind over matter. you control the situation and how you feel about it. good luck... I really hope it works out for you :)

  • I don't know how to help you, but I can sympathize. I am so personable at work - I worked in a private club for almost four years, and everyone loved me. I can talk to people easily and make jokes when I'm at work, but I am the most awkward person you'll ever meet in any social situation outside of work.

    I realized the same thing you did - I was more confident with people when I was working because I *had * to be there. I had something I was supposed to be doing, a purpose that wasn't my own. When I go out with a group of people, I don't really know what to do.

    I don't know how to explain it, but I don't really naturally want to socialize the way other people do. And then because I don't socialize a lot or keep up with current things in the media I feel like I don't really have anything to contribute to the conversation. It's hard to break out of.

    If it really gets to you the way it does me, I would suggest maybe talking to someone about it. I have recently taken the first steps to seek counseling.

    Sorry I don't have much advice, but I hope I helped in some way. I appreciate your post anyway because I've never known that anyone felt like that too.


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