Dating a woman who lost her son 5 months ago? I don't think she's over it.

She (19) had a son and he passed away at 10 months old. She brings him up a lot and that bothers me. How do I know that she is emotionally ready for a relationship? Should I be worried?

I'm worried because I'm afraid that it will be a toxic relationship. Where she is not truly interested in me, but only in the fact that I can help fill the void of love she felt for her son. I'm afraid it's not going to be a natural healthy relationship because of that.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm going to be honest, I think you are being selfish here. This woman lost a child, her own flesh and blood.

    I will assume you are not a parent. Now does that change things a bit? Yes, not much, but yes. You may have had a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or other family member die, but not a child, so you can't see things completely empathize with this woman. However, like I said, this was her own flesh and blood. It's one thing to work towards a career, academic, or personal goal and have it not work out, but when it's a child, it's a different story. I agree with AltTech when he says that indifference towards her child's death would be the truly bothersome issue. Five months may seem like a long time for you, but for a woman who's lost her baby boy, it's only the beginning. You cannot put a timetable on human suffering.

    I can sort of see your logic on the "toxic" relationship, though I would greatly hesitate to use that terminology. Keep in mind, though, the love between man and woman and the love between mother and child are not the same. This is a void that you CANNOT fill. The more logical fear would be "is she going to get me to have sex with her so she can have another baby", BUT I don't think that's the case here.

    So what do you do? If you really care about her, you will stop being selfish, put your hopes for this aside for the time being, and be there for her as a friendly support. She's not thinking about "I want a new boyfriend now". She's thinking about "I want my little baby back".


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What Girls Said 4

  • you're kind of a **** for saying that it bothers you

  • if you are going to be a d***, leave her alone. no nvm you have made your point. leave her alone. its the ethical thing to do imo. a**hole.

  • she will never be over it and you shouldn't expect her to be...i feel bad for her that's so sad :( howd he die :'(

  • Your selfish. Saying that it bothers YOU that she brings up her DEAD son? WTF? I wanna see you lose something you created with a. Heartbeat and then 5 months later act like nothing happened. Your a prick.

    • her dead son not his, she's should have been over that sh*t before starting a relationship

    • Show All
    • thats not what she got, you're an idiot

    • if you're going to tell a woman she shouldn't enter into a relationship until she's over the loss of a child, then she'll NEVER be ready. you don't just "get over" that kind of thing.

What Guys Said 2

  • That shouldn't bother you, because she's a grieving mother. It would bother me if she was indifferent to the death of her own child.

    And I would leave her alone for at least another 6 months, be a friend, but don't pursue a relationship.

    • A toxic relationship? She just lost her son and you are worried she would be a toxic relationship to you? *sigh, you are one selfish a**hole. Do HER a favor and leave her alone. She doesn't need a prick like you in her life right now.

  • lol just leave her buddy let her deal with this on her own

    • Maybe I didn't put it into words correctly. I'm not bothered by the fact she had a child, or that she brings it up a lot. I'm just worried because I wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with her if it wasn't healthy (because she's still distraught over her child). We both would end up hurt. Do you know what I mean? It seems everyone else doesn't understand why I'm concerned.

    • "she brings him up a lot and that bothers me" right. You DIDNT say that. Look above.