Going on multiple dates until choosing the best one, is it a bad thing?

I've been dating this guy for a little over two months. We met online which is always skeptical, but we talked on the phone a lot before we met, and we found out that we got along really well and we grew up in the same area. When we first met our first date was a little awkward being that he was really late and so I wasn't impressed right off the bat, but then as the night progressed things got a little better. He was different from any guy I normally dated, and was a little quirky, but overall he seemed like a nice normal guy. I still wasn't quite sure about him being that it was still new, so I went on a few other dates (of some people that I met around the same time as him) to make sure I chose the best one for me, but I think I knew in the back of mind I was going to choose him anyway. I think this is normal in the dating game and a lot of men and even women do this but I think a lot of women tend to keep it more mum because of the double standards. I'm not the type of person to cheat, and I've never been a player and when I make a commitment to someone I stick to it. I was just not putting my eggs all in one basket which I have tended to do a lot and has caused me a lot of hurt in the past. So I was taking things slow. I'm not dating anyone else now, just him. I don't think I did anything wrong by doing this, but I get the feeling that my boyfriend knows at one point I was going on other dates and he wasnt. I think he banked on me, and put all his cards on the table with me. I choice him the end which is important, but I think it bugs him a little that he knows I did this and I never told him. I feel it may be the reason he holds back a bit from taking things to the next level. I'm not seeing anyone else anymore. They were only one time dates and I'm fully committed to him now. I've thought of telling him this, but I'm not sure it's kind of stupid and unnecessary. He could have been doing the same thing, but he makes it seem like he wasn't. I'm sure we are both at fault about some things. Like him talking about his female friend way too much, which made me skeptical and a little insecure about us, but he reassured me I had nothing to worry about and he mentions her less now, and both of us having issues with our exes that came back into the scene for a bit, but that's in the past now. I think these things are quite normal when you're dating someone new, and you always have a moment of second thought, but in the end come to your senses and realize who is best for you, and that's the guy I'm with now.


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What Guys Said 2

  • thats weird. if he was into you before and now he's hesitant, that makes me think that since then he has gone on dating other girls (or been in the market for one) while you were coming around. do you know if he's been doing that?

    • I don't know know. Sometimes it makes me wonder but he swears he's not. He mostly works a lot. But we have gotten into a few fights but no matter what he always seems to stick around and he says he will support my choices in a career no matter what. So that's good to know. I think that maybe he just took a step back and realized he was rushing it and now wants to make sure everything goes well between us before we decide to take things further.

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    • Yeah I hope so. He doesn't ignore me or anything, but lately it feels like I'm the one initiating texts a lot. Still he'll say something like I had fun last night, which is good. It could be his work right now. I'll just give him some time. Not initiating conversation as much. Let him miss me.

    • yea allow him to do that... you should be all set.. good luck :)

  • i think that's fine, but I wouldn't keep it a secret. as long as you didn't explicit say that you two were exclusive then I don't see a problem..

    • No when we first met we never mentioned being exclusive right off the bat, but he did talk about looking for a relationship, which at the time I didn't take that seriously because a lot of guys tend to get excited when they first meet an attractive girl and I wanted to make sure that he really meant it and wasn't just basing it off the fact that I'm really attractive. We've talked about it a few times being exclusive. He's said we are in a round about way, but now that I'm where he's at

    • or (where he was) I'm ready to commit and have been and now he seems to be backing off from labeling our relationship but says we are. Its like we are in a relationship technically but he's just not announcing it to the world even though his close friends and family know about us, he says he wants to give things a little more time.

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