Always a good friend...but never good enough.

Back in March, A friend of mine who I had a huge crush on growing up, moved back home after living with her abusive boyfriend. She and I have had our flings here and there throughout the years but nothing ever came of it. Well she moves back home, gets a hold of me, and the two of us hit it off.

Now with this girl, I find her absolutely gorgeous. Personality is quick and witty, she is extremely smart and she has an amazing body. She is by far the most beautiful woman who has ever wanted to be with a bum like me. Even with her flaws.which are pretty bad, I managed to looked past it and see the good in her. This girl has no problems picking up men.

Long story short, On Halloween, I took her and her younger sister to a concert. On the way home I saw her texting one of her ex's. We were both drunk and a lot was said, but pretty much I told her I was falling in love with her. She tells me in the most hateful, drunken way, "I will never date you!" I don't remember a lot what was said on the way home but I remember breaking down in the middle her driveway with her older and younger sisters consoling me along with her mother. The three of them telling me that everything is going to be ok, you did nothing wrong, you are a amazing guy and that she is a stupid bitch all that. There is nothing more humiliating that crying your eyes out in front of three woman.

Two weeks later, I broke down and I asked her if she wanted to go to a bar that me and her go to a lot, a place where I brought her to on one of our first dates. I missed her. Well for the past two months or so we got to know the bartenders, the waitress, some of the other people who drink there frequently. Side Note: She would always wear t-shirts and hoodies around me, well this night, she was dressed to the nines. She tells me that she is sorry and that she doesn't know why she doesn't want to date me. She says that I'm perfect and that I'm such a great guy, that her ex really messed her up and she doesn't know why she goes for the assholes. She then says that, she's afraid that if we dated she was going to hurt me and doesn't want to do that. That I'm her best friend and she doesn't want me out of her life. Well, there is this guy that we've met at this bar numerous times who would come up to us and buy us shots and beer, kinda crazy and obnoxious, but he was ok. I take her home and the two of us pass out watching a movie at her place.

I find out three days later that that same guy that we befriend at the bar is now screwing her. THREE DAYS?! She doesn't return my calls, emails, or texts ever since that night. I don't know why I didn't think of it at the time but she would always ask about him when we were at the bar. And that she probably got all dressed up that night to impress him and not for me

My question is why do I still love her? I can't stop thinking about her. Why was I so easily throw aside? Like I just being used the past 9 months. Will she ever come back?

BTW, I did everything for her. Paid for everything. Drove her everywhere. I even took days off of work when she got sick just to take care of her. Her parents loved me along with her entire family. yeah she's 23 and young but.I don't know, confusing.


Most Helpful Guy

  • well you probably love her since like you say "she is the most beautiful women who has ever wanted a bum like me" and she so easily throws you aside because you are easy to throw aside and you keep coming back to her. lik you said your her best freind don't smoother her and she will come back. stop breaking down for her man it will only hurt your relationship. always act confident about yourself and never act like you want her, and also since she is pretty never tell her you think she is pretty tell her other resons you LIKE HER and not reasons why you WANT HER. so on a last note to stop some confusion here are four different common personality types.

    type 1

    a girl who likes a guy who is confident and striaight forward and is not scared of being rejected in any way by her. she likes that you are completely confident being yourself and are not afraid to come onto her.

    so anyways I don't know this girl butif she is this type your problem is that you are scared of her placeing her at too high of a level above yourself

    type 2

    a girl who wants to know first of all that you are not just some jerk trying to sleep with her. usualy you have to not act too interested in her but start with a more normal conversation. and then gradualy take things from one level to the next. when these girls become interested sexualy usualy these girls will start with negatively talking about sex and how guys just want sex or how they will never sleep with you. just agree with them and soon enough it will transition into positively talking about sex.

    now if she is this type of girl your problem is you made too big of a step you need to go back to a lower "level" in the relationship between you two. now examples of levels would be something like this

    level 1

    communicating with a person not paying much attention to the person but more on the topic

    level 2

    communicating focusing more on each other in a more freindly matter

    level 3

    talking about deeper things

    level 4

    more eye contact

    level 5

    more touching


    type 3

    girls that think guys are just easy to manipulate and think all they ever like them for is there looks. you have to just be her freind but never come onto her even when she comes onto you. even after you have sex. its best to tell her she's not realy your type physicaly but you realy like her personality.

    if she is this type of girl the problem is you showed interest. you just want to show her you are with her because you like being her freind.

    type 4

    girls who are tired of guys always kissing her ass. be nice but don't do stuff for her, pick on her a little bit but in a freindly way.

    if this is the problem stop doing so much stuff for her make fun of her a litle. like you said she seems to have low self esteem and likes assholes. I suggest being cocky funny man if you don't know what that is then look it up. plus you said she has a lot of problems playfuly pick on her about it.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Forget her!

    Like she said when she was drunk...she'll never date you!

    She doesn't want to date you, she wants to be your friend, well...from what I've read she's not even such a good friend, she's just a user!

    I've known people like her before...and still do, but I avoid them. I do not like hypocritical people! They disgust me!

    She may be beautiful, but she sure does not sound like a beauty on the inside! ...there is a balance in everything my friend, and it seems like she got everything perfect on the outside, and there was nothing good left for her heart or her mind...

    I know you love her and this is probably very difficult for you! Believe me I understand more than you know, but like I've said, you need to forget her, stop doing her favors, stop thinking about her, dedicate yourself to your studies, to work, to your friends...

    Remind yourself how it feels to just have a good old time!

    Redecorate your house/apartment/room...

    Get into something creative (believe me, the arts helped me through more heartbreak than anything ever has!)...blow out all of your frustration through that and you'll feel GREAT!

    Be your own man again!

    Just...dedicate yourself to ...well...yourself!

    Hope I helped!


  • question 1. We always go after what we know we can't have... its a challenge and that feeds us.

    Question 2. Most girls like a challenge too, they don't really want the guy that is perfect, (even thought they say they do).

    Question 3. Yes she was using you when she needed someone to hang out with. You were convienant for her. Think back she never talks to you when she has a guy she is dating or f***ing... but when that guy is gone, who does she hang out with? You.

    Question 4. She was making up excuses for not dating you. "she's afraid that if we dated she was going to hurt me and doesn't want to do that. That I am her best friend and doesn't want me out of her life."

    She only wants you in her life when she has nothing else to do. She was making up excuses that made her look good and that would make you feel sorry for her when in all reality she just doesn't like you. She is using you. And you still love her cause you think one day she will come around to her senses and want you. More than likely that is not going to happen she is going to be screwing up her life for the next ten years when she realizes she is ending up alone... and then who is she going to call? You.

    Best thing to do, is to cut her out of your life. I know that is hard to hear and hard to do... but its what's gotta happen. When she is done with her bar fling she will call you to hang out. Don't pick up her phone calls don't text her back. she can't miss you till she's alone and you're gone and you may find out truly what kind of person she is if you ignore her. And you will find every time you ignore her it gets a little bit easier and one of these days when it has sunk into your head that she was using you and only needed you when she was lonely you will realize what a big mistake she was and that her problems are far more deeper than you cared to realize. You don't deserve that and if she does this stuff to you then she is not even a realy friend. She can't be alone... and that is flaw of hers... She always has to have someone there that she knows cares about her and loves her... and with you being there she is just feeding her need. Cut her off.


What Guys Said 2

  • I don't know why you care about her so much. I think all guys find that girl that we care about so much but are treated so bad but still it doesn't drive us away. I think its very similar to why girls are so confused as to why they always get with assholes. But anyways, she is an unappreciative bitch and when she comes crawling back to you, and she will sooner or later, you need to tell her to f*** off, even though we both know you wont. Which is ok, everyone needs to learn lessons for themselves, its the best way to learn. But really, don't you think someone else is better deserving of how devoted you are to her? She is just using you.

  • Three things: 1) forget her 2) forget her 3) don't go back to that bar.

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