Falling into a pattern of being interested to 2 types of men at the same time?

I recall the same thing happening to me the last time when I just started talking to my ex. I was having a crush on a really good looking guy who didn't like me back. My ex (average looking/ short dude) on the other hand initiated by surprising me with flowers on V day cos we had met couple of times before and really connected well intellectually. So naturally I went out with him. Due to some other reason though it didn't work out though there was an feeling at the back of my head that I kinda of went out with my ex, in a way, settling for looks even though I knew rationally that personality and having a connection is everything.

This time however this dude started talking to me (met through dating site) who is according to pictures average looking and short again but we connect really well intellectually with similar interests and all and again I can tell he's very interested.. Only this time he's like on the other side of the planet and I haven't met him face to face. ON the other hand, I'm quite enamored of this really good-looking guy around here though he seems simpler intellectually and we always end up chatting about sex. Its him though, he likes to talk about sexual preferences. I was a little hurt once I started responding to his chat once and he suddenly went offline. Later I asked where he went and he said he had stuff to do. I asked him what and he confessed a random girl chatted him up and they had a one-night stand. He simply says that its fun to do this while looking for the ONE. I was slightly disappointed and all the while know that this dude is toxic and I should stop chatting but I can't seem to help dropping a line on chat remarking this or that. Meanwhile I feel bad that I don't like the other dude enough but he is after all a long distance dude. though rationally again, he would probably make a better long term partner. I fear though I would be settling again even if I could be with him because I couldn't get the good-looking one. Maybe its a greed thing. What's wrong with me?

Posted in wrong category, should have been under "behavior".


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What Guys Said 1

  • Handsome dude will not be faithful and if even if he does he won't be interested in forging an emotional connection with you. That's why he can't talk to you about anything other than sex: You're a girl and girls are for sex. Go ahead and date him if you want. It might be a lot of fun for you, and you don't have to worry about whether or nor he will be a good long term partner because that's not going to happen. I bet if you date the really good looking guy, it'll fix this conflict in the future. What do you have to lose other than some internet boyfriend who might as well live on the dark side of the moon? The teaching experience that the good looking guy can provide for you far outweighs what the man in the moon can do for you.

    • I've thought of that but on one hand I wouldn't know how to initiate it especially if we are talking about a sort of friends with benefits relationship. I am not longer nerdy but still have remnent about being shy about sex. So no idea how to do that. On the other hand, I fear gettting emotionally connected through sex and make things complex. That happen to me in my first sexual experience though I'm not sure if I've outgrown that.

    • He likes to talk to you about sex. He's initiating it. It's his way of sending you an invitation. Just roll with it. Flirt with him. Let him know you're interested. He'll take care of the rest. You have conflict, and you can't figure it out unless you try it. Do your best to have an emotionally important relationship with this guy, and I think next time you'll know what you want. I think you'll be done with good looks.

    • realised that I didn't mention this.. He first flirted with me and bought me a drink on 2 occasions. But he has never made initiated contact. I iniitated chat with him on FB and he seems rather enthus about replying. So far its mostly that. I ask him something he converses enthusiastically. I don't think he's that into me but get the feeling he'd chat with me cos A) of diplomacy -I am an organiser of a group event he goes to. B) I could one day be a back up f***.

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