Was it bad that I initiated a hang out/asked him out? Guys, how would you feel in this situation?

Sorry for the length, but please hear me out!

So, in short, I decided to be proactive and asked a guy if he wanted to hang out/get some coffee. I’d feel more comfortable about this if it wasn’t for the fact that something similar happened with him about 2 and a half months ago….. but here’s the gist of it.

I met a kid at a party, thought he was pretty cool/intriguing, but unfortunately for me, I wasn’t on top of my game/was incredibly tired that night (it was past 3 in the morning, haha) and couldn’t really put forth a good amount of effort when it came to conversing. That being said, I added the kid on Facebook and bluntly messaged him, basically stating that I thought he seemed like a decent person and that I wanted to get to know him more/hangout. He responded with ”coffee? :)” but it never really went anywhere from there; I was currently on vacation so he asked when I was getting back, and after I replied two days later stating that I was back, he never responded after that. :/

Well, I went to a party about two days ago, and by some weird, unexpected coincidence, I looked outside a window and thought I saw him….. turns out I did, because when I went downstairs, we more or less ran into each other. He instantly made a face that implied, “hey….. I know you!” and we began to talk. Before you know it, we were enveloped in conversation, to the point where the friend I came with left to find the dude she was looking for earlier (she asked if I wanted to go back in the house, but I was honest about it and said that I’d prefer to stay and chat haha). We managed to talk about anything and everything, philosophical topics and random observations to things that I would never feel comfortable mentioning to someone else, and in short, I felt like I could say anything around him without being judged; it’s as though we have a very similar mindset/way of thinking. Anyway, at some point he actually tried to kiss me, but it ended with a kiss on the cheek, which then led to my confession that I had never kissed anyone before. Of course I got the usual bout of shock that comes when I usually tell people this, haha, along with him feeling bad that he went for it like that, and he couldn’t believe that nobody had ever made a move on me. He said that it was probably because I was intelligent and that a lot of guys feel intimidated by that. (also, if it means anything, a lot of guys have called me a “10” before, the general stance being at least 8+ haha, and it’s recently been brought to my attention that the majority of my guy friends have liked me at some point [I had a list of over 6 guys read out to me! damn…. how was I so clueless?]) We talked for about 2 and a half hours in total (not to mention, we were the only two idiots sitting on the ground talking, clearly a sign that we had no urge to converse with the surrounding crowd!) before he got a call from his ride, who was planning on going at that point which meant that he had to skedaddle too.

I left too and started walking toward the car and I end up running into him again. This is where I proceeded to ask for his number hahahaha which is move #2 on me being idiotically proactive….!

I text him the next day, stating that I was being proactive and sending my name/number, and he replied with “well thanks :)”. I then go on to say that I really enjoyed the conversation last night and wouldn’t mind the repeat, along with
“coffee, (his name here), coffee! wow, this is sickeningly proactive. ……but in my defense, it’s so hard to find a decent conversationalist! which is why I’m going out on a limb and taking this opportunity”

he replied with, “Right on! what are you doing on Wednesday?”, I state that I’m available, and I receive “good :)” in response.

Ok, maybe this is a stupid question since his response seems to be positive….. but is he just being nice since I was so straightforward? I’m afraid that I
might’ve been a bit too demanding and forward, and I really don’t want to regret initiating things too quickly. We never really set an official time/date and I’m not sure if I should wait for him to text me with the details or if I should wait until Wednesday and then just text to see if it’s still happening? (assuming that he doesn’t text until then…. which for some reason, I have this underlying fear that he won’t :[ ) It’s not as though I view this as a date, I just want to hang out and talk


Most Helpful Guy

  • You have chemistry. Don't worry, you'll meet again and it's going to be great.

    From what I've read, you haven't done anything out of the ordinary. In fact, most guys do the same exact things and it been working since the beginning of time. You might be having doubts because you believe girls who come forward look desperate. That's not the case at all, especially with this guy.

    The fact you can say whatever you feel without fearing judgement is the number one reason why you should keep pursuing him. Just jokingly point out the fact you're pulling all the weight in terms of initiating and maybe he will seek you out sometime.


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What Guys Said 2

  • First thing I can say, I think it is awesome you were proactive and asked him first. You ladies have no idea how stressful it is for most guys to work up the nerve to ask a girl out. I've always envied the guys who can just shrug off rejections one after another. I've been rejected before and it stung me for months. As a guy, you always want to believe you are Don Juan, and sometimes reality can really bite you in the ass when the girl you approach wants nothing to do with you.

    It sounds like ya'll really hit it off. What I would do is maybe wait until tomorrow (Tuesday) to see if he texts you. If he doesn't, I'd text him. You want to give him at least 24 hours notice to make plans, I wouldn't wait until Wednesday. It sounds like ya'll are really compatible, best of luck on making a connection.

  • I love the first 3 words of your 2nd sentence, "So, in short." :)

    You were not really forward or demanding. You showed interest in him which is good. I would wait to hear from him and if you don't, just text him on Weds -- and ask if you're still on for hanging out.


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