Questioning the fact I am a nice guy and why women hate nice guys?

I am very shy nice guy I have been questing why I should continue to be a nice guy women think I am a waste of time.

as for being shy I have been shot down played a fool used and cheated on so many time I can't go up to talk to women any more with out getting a sick feeling. 34 I lonely and losing hope

I DON'T LIE OR PLAY GAMES I am the one that gets played


Most Helpful Girl

  • I thought you asked a question yesterday and said you would love to have a a young woman, like late teens to mid twenties? Maybe you need to change your priorities. Just because someone is 18, doesn't mean they are the best match for you. Maybe women who are your own age feel you are just compromising for companionship rather than wanting to actually be with them? It could be one of those subconscious things that shows when you are meeting people. That can turn women away too. I know I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought I was a lesser choice. Plus, someone who is late teens early twenties is probably not looking for a family. Best thing is to stick with people closer to your age. They will have similar priorities because they are in the same stage of life as you.

    Women don't hate nice guys. I am in a relationship with one right now. I think the problem is that you are feeling low about yourself and it shows. Being nice doesn't mean you can't be assertive and go after what you want and feel good about yourself. I think that is what needs to be worked on. Being assertive means going out and putting yourself out there. Talk to women, and find positive ways to speak about yourself. What women hate is when a guy says he is nice but is really just a pushover. Be assertive, say what you want, but treat her good. Assertive is different than being mean, being assertive is about being direct, telling her what you want and not just giving in to make her happy. Women are not to blame for everything. I have been treated like crap before by some men and I don't blame all men for it.

    When they ask you what you do for a living, tell them what you do. Or if you are a stay at home dad, say that you took some time off to spend it raising your kids because you feel that they deserve to have your full attention. You want to give them the best and they need their time with you. Always find a positive way to spin things, instead of trying to shy away from the conversation. By being direct, women will see you are confident and happy with your life. By shying away, you are only showing a lack of confidence and unhappiness. No one is attracted to someone who is a downer, its just human nature. Moods are contagious, humans want to be happy so they naturally flock to happy people.

    Work on those things and keep trying. Sure not every relationship is going to work out, but you have to keep on trying. If there is something you want in this life, you have to work for it. It's not going to just come find you. Relationships take a lot of work, anyone can have one, but they have to be willing to put work into it to make it last.

    • OK I get your answer but please let me ask you this though how many nice guys did you date and put in the friend zone and date a jerk and may I ask as well how many nice guys did you date to get to know him for who he is and decide do you like him or not and decide do you love him at all or do you want jerks and players

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    • @QA I understand how you feel I still don't get is why some women and some girls love seeing guys get mad or blow their top anyway I'm sorry ma'am if my question about my comment is stupid I aplogize to you ma'am for the question if it's stupid question and for you sir please read my story and it's link I hope this helps you and any other nice guys and good guys and feel free to comment

    • i mean I wanted to apologize about my question I ask you ma'am

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • I'm not gonna be mean, just very blunt. #1 You need to like yourself before anyone else can. #2 You can't come off as needy or desparate. #3 Do you have a sense of humor? ( I know a lot of guys that compensate their weight with jokes and a bubbly attitude)

    Have you thought of trying to lose weight, and improve your apperance? Excersising helps lower stress levels and also makes you feel better about yourself. Also, watch the foods you eat... Indulging in sweets will make you feel better, but it will also cause you to continue to gain weight.

    I think you should concentrate on yourself before you worry about finding someone else :) Don't try to force dating... If you work on yourself FIRST, the girls will follow :)

  • Um no offense but why is it that just about 90% of guys on here think that their only problem is that they're "too nice"? It's borderline egotistical to think that women don't want you because your just too good of a person. come on, do some self reflecting. really look at yourself. if you were a woman would you want to have sex with u? seriously answer that question..ur getting played because your self confidence is low and people who wish to take advantage of you prey on people with no confidence. I think if you would start to work out and improve your appearance not only would you attract more women, but you would feel better about yourself and not get played all the time. instead of blaming all women for your failure think about the things about yourself you might need to change because your not perfect

    • i tell you why this is what I've heard and notice this don't take this the wrong way the reason why the guys say that because some girls and some women turn him down by saying oh you're too nice or you're too nice of a guy to date or the famous line you're such a nice guy I don't want to ruin our friendship and you guessed it she drop her pants for the jerks and she thinks it's so cute or it's so sexy getting mistreated anyway that's just my guess why 90% of guys say that to tell you why

    • I'm only guessing if I'm wrong all I need is a prove to prove me wrong anyway like I said I'm just guessing and it's just a theory and by the way please take this wrong way when I'm just guessing thanks

    • i mean I'm only guessing if I'm wrong all I need is a prove to prove me wrong anyway like I said I'm just guessing and it's just a theory and by the way please don't take this wrong way when I'm just guessing thanks

  • Stop for a moment. Think..

    Where are you at now in your life? What kind of women are you chasing/going after?

    If you want a good looking or decent woman, work on yourself - lose weight, wear clothes that suits you.

    Start working out! Not only it'll help you lose all that weight but it'll make you happy,mental toughness, and you have more energy to go an extra mile. Not only that but ladies will start seeing something in you that you might haven't seen in yourself yet.

    You embrace the idea that there’s always another way. You exude positive energy and enthusiasm.

    Get in the habit of changing your approach on things.

    Stop throwing yourself a pity party. 34? So what.. What you doing on GAG moping? Hit the gym, go for a walk/run.. Do something active. Get yourself together!

  • Only read this if you want to know the truth (well, what I think is the truth).

    Women don't hate nice guys. In fact, most of the girls I know love sweet guys they can count on. I don't know about the girls in the country you're from, but here in the Netherlands we do. But the reason they turn you down is probably because you're really fat. I'm sorry, I don't say this to be a bitch and lower your self esteem, but I'm just honest, because that will probably help you more. A lot of girls just aren't attracted to fat guys. I mean, let's say you weigh 260 pounds for example. Most girls weigh under 160. You're like 100 pound heavier. Would you be attracted to somewhone 100 pounds heavier than you, somewhone that weighs 360 pounds or even more?

    I can't really see your face well on your picture, but I think you have a rather nice face. Lose some weight and workout and you'll be a quite desirable guy for many girls if you're really as nice as you say.

    Good luck with the ladies (:

    • you need to grow up if you ever got to know me you would know I am a good guy as for the weight thing said and the looks thing git the over it

    • Well, I'm sorry but that's probably why girls aren't attracted to you. Not because you are too nice. I mean, c'mon.

  • Confidence is key, you see (LOL it rhymes). It's an attractive quality so even if someone isn't the best looker out there, if he/she is confident, it suddenly makes them more attractive. They believe in themselves and won't wallow in self pity.

    I don't think it's because you're nice that this happens to you. Perhaps your low self-esteem is showing so women are taking that chance to walk all over you. I'm really sorry that it happens. I hope you find someone special soon <3

  • don't listen to the girls comment below. I can tell you honestly that genuine women don't care about physical stuff, your attractiveness or whatever that has to do with the body. Hell if we all were only guys who look like brad pitt would get women. Women to be turned on need to FEEL your sexual confidence. This being said, don't trust women easily, they see you're nice, and nice guys are easiy waled over by sluts. So act interested, but keep a distance. Love yourself and know what you're worth. And make them feel that you're a king who won't settle for less than a queen.

    • knowing his self and self worth is all find and dandy, but he's not having luck, sometimes you have to change in order to get the answer you're looking for in life. How's he's going to feel sexual confidence when he is failing right now? You are speaking for yourself, a lot of women won't date a guy like him, if so he wouldn't be here now asking for help!

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    • I'm sorry I know you mean well, but isn't that doing this guy a disservice by lying to him and telling him looks don't matter? plus when this guy starts working out and improving his looks, he will see the change and begin to feel more sexual and confident in himself

    • I am not lying to him. I am telling him what I have seen. I know tons of unattractive guys who get girls because they have this sexual confidence and have a fun, interesting personality, belive me or not. Damn I even know fat ugly girls who got themselves the most wanted guys ever. But anyway, all o ft his to say that as far as looks go, they certainly aren't everything. Sure they help you get someone's attention, but won't get you into and sustain a relationship. But that is just my own opinio

  • I'm really sorry because I know how terrible and mean and awful this sounds, but it's true. Stop making exscuses for yourself by saying it's because you're a nice guy. It's because you're fat, not attractive at all, and a guy like that is easy to walk all over and take advantage of due to his desperation.

    • Hammer, meet the head of the nail. BAM. And let me add to this answer which already pointed out the part you don't want to hear, you have 2 options. 1 is lose some weight and gain some self respect. 2 is gain some self respect and stop giving a damn about them. Treat women like a dime a dozen. Forget being nice, just do whatever you felt like doing, and stop worrying about what others think of you. Maybe they won't like you the way you want, but they won't disrespect you either.

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    • kheserthorpe, I agree. Telling someone that and leaving out crucial parts of reality is what keeps this growing cycle of disappointed, frustrated men believing they can't get a girl all because they're nice. Lets just be real here; sometimes being yourself isn't enough. Some people are at a place in their soul and their journey where all they can be isn't all that satisfying. Being nice isn't the only thing you need. You need to be strong, protective, intelligent, respectful, knowledgable of...

    • intimacy on different levels, selflessness, and nurturing. A woman is not just going to fall for a guy and want to give him her all just because he's nice. For this world, you have got to build yourself to be so valuable and pure of heart, mind, and soul yet intensely strong and assertive. I know the truth is painful and hard to take in, but sometimes you need to take it in to live with something die with something greater than what you've had...

What Guys Said 10

  • its not that women hate nice reality its what they are after for the long run

    its the fact that being "nice" is too easy for them...there is no challenge, for some strange reason women want those men who don't pay them attention, treat them like crap. why? because they want to figure out why, they want that challenge of making him nice, they want to be that one girl that made him turn and the other girls couldnt...


    just be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind...

    one day, that one girl who is sick and tired of the cocky a-holes, will find you...she'll be enthused that you put her first, she'll then realize what a waste of life she has spent chasing after the tools...

    in time my friend, in time they will come...but it does take a lot of maturity and realization for them to understand what they truly want...they SAY one thing, but MEAN the other...its too bad because us guys are so simple minded that sometimes women make life more complicated...ever notice that?

    anyways, just be you, be nice, but just don't be so available - this shows you're a good guy at heart but you aren't desperate enough to be so clingy, that you can be nice and have a life and not put them #1 right away...i mean really tho, who wants someone who is so into you right away? doesn't that make that person seem weird and clingy?

    be nice, be friendly, but don't be so readily available...crack jokes about them - but not HARSh jokes...just teasing jokes that gets their mind ticking...

    i don't know man, just be you, don't change who you are, the right girl will come...just don't go looking for love and let it find you

    good luck

  • Hey man,

    If you browse around here, there's a lot of shy guys around here of all ages struggling with the same issues..

    And some girls here already pointed towards the "real" problem: they immediately talk about your weight, as well as your chances of getting laid..Imagine that..While you talk about your inner feelings, they talk about the physical stuff..I can't help myself but call that shallow, but I'm afraid in some countries this is what we've become..

    Personally, I know some very fat guys and girls who are among the least shy friends I have -they're non-stop joking and very cheerful social people. Sure, they're what you call "nice" as well - and all, except one (and I think by choice), are in at least a relationship..

    They do have one thing in common though - give you an example: they make fun of my "not fat" appeareance whenever given the chance..:-)

    Work on that: avoid people who target you for your physical (yes they are out there) - even better: forget *any*thing physical around you, for about a year or so..; only focus on your inner self: your ideas, your emotions, your principles, drop the doubts and find your strengths - from there you'll build up psychological strength and self-esteem - and then you will have a natural attraction surrounding you. Because, yes, it's the self-esteem which makes the man. Don't need to explain why some girls are attracted to guys with *too much* self-esteem aka "jerks", only to get hurt afterwards..

    (And for girls I just made upset: we all know the successful businessmen , married or not stories, who... I see it every week, and really, even in a suit they are the definition of physical and moral ugliness..)

    But yes, get out, move - and only change your weight for eventual health risks reasons..

    There are a lot of very sweet girls around there, who can look further than what they see..

    But it helps to make yourself seen from the positive strong parts - we all have them!

  • You say you are being a nice guy, not because its natural, but because you 'should'.

    Yet you realize women don't like it.

    So who the F#*) are you doing it for?

    Women like men who stick up for themselves. Co-incidentally, you might also like it.

    Right now you have a deal with the world where you'll be a pushover suckup and hide your true feelings, and in return you'll get love and validation and sex.

    Nobody else signed up for that deal.

  • the reason why women don't necessarily like nice guys its because being nice is somthinf that it is expected of any isn't a trait that attracts women per say. Also niceness its what you also find in your friends. What attract women are traits that are different of a person something that you cannot find in any guy. Just look at romantic movies and novel, all of them represent a guy who is "different" of the rest, that while he is nice, he has something misterious about him, or has something that make girls feel differently.

  • Nice guys finish last

    that's why you should treat her like trash

    it's not what you would really wanna do

    But she only date bad guys so

    Just give in your best try to

    treat her the way she want you to

  • You sure sound bitter for a guy who professes himself to be 'nice'.

    • think about I have all way been poliet done thing for women put her her frist just to have it thrown back in my face how would you feel

    • Wouldn't know. I've never experienced any side of the relationship thing, good or bad. I just accept that it's my own fault and carry on.

      No, it's not fair, but I don't recall hearing anybody who said it was. Still, if you want to better your lot and your current approach isn't working, change it. Doesn't take a genius.

  • you said you are a single dad, so that means you have had a relationship before, most nice-guys don't even get the first date

  • TAKE CHARGE! You are frustrated with the world now express it take charge ask a whole bunch of women out, have fun, play games, lie a little, live it up, don't think just do. When you want ice cream you have to go buy it (or steal it) you can't just wait around thinking, asking, questioning why or why not. Just eat it. If you like it fine if not move on. You have goals reach them and stop waiting around in limbo.

  • this debate, argument, topic, will never end

  • She's right! I think you should either find someone who wants you the way you are or find a way to make yourself physically more appealing to women, they want to be sexually attracted too. You probably think you have to be nice and submissive to a woman you're dating because of your insecurities. Women don't hate nice guys they hate push over's, don't be one! My suggestion is to diet, exercise, and work on your self esteem before approaching and pursuing a woman.