What a mess I've gotten into...What should I do now?

i've loved this guy for almost half my life and we've been on again off again for the last two- three years. before this time I had to call it quits when I found out he had a girlfriend and I was the outside woman. this time around we just glided back into each others lives and we just continued where we left off and maybe that was the problem. I got pregnant but I had a miscarriage and I didn't tell him because I didn't want him to be disappointed or even to tell me to get an abortion, but I realized I should have at least told him and in a moment of weakness I told him the truth breaking down in tears because I literally had no one but myself when all this was going down and maybe that was my fault but I didn't feel like I could put my complete and utter faith in him. and it wasn't as bad as I thought telling him would be. but I still feel something is off and I'm wondering again if I'm still not the only girl in a relationship with him. he says that he has nothing to hide and that I can ask him anything, we can talk about anything but sometimes I wonder if that is true. every time we make love in the back of my head I feel a little crazy because I'm scared I'll get pregnant again and loose the baby...that hurt so much both physically and mentally and I can't do that again. I can't keep loosing my mind like I do now. I'm a nervous reck...whats my next step


Most Helpful Guy

  • You could possibly be making a few bad choices here.

    You're looking for a commitment from a man who is, a. unwilling to commit and b. prepared to hide things from you. Is this a good idea, really? You're worried that you may be the second woman in his life, and for good reason. What makes you think that he'll be other than who he is?

    Worse still, you're having unprotected sex with him? Does he want to raise a child with you, this man who doesn't even want a long-term relationship with you? This cannot be wise. Unless you're looking forward to a single mom--and talk to a few before you consider it--you need to bring some birth control into the rotation, pronto.

    • i understand where you are coming from and you make a couple very valid points. as for the unprotected sex well it was one time in almost 5 years of being in an intimate relationship and that one time really did it. the thing is even when we do have sex now with a condom I might add I start to wonder about the actually efficacy of a condom...the miscarriage really messed with my head

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What Guys Said 1

  • Honey...both of you need to get some birth control going here. I think you need to step back and re-think things. You didn't tell us what happened to his girlfriend, but ANY time that something such as a pregnancy happens, it's your responsibility to tell him and his responsibility to care what happens to you.

    • I agree. you can get the pill for free.

      Better to be not preggo then preggo before your time.

    • he said that he and the girlfriend broke up but I can't be sure because he didn't even tell me about her last time so obviously I have some trust issues. he's a responsible guy even though he does crap sometimes so I know he would have owned up and taken responsibility for his kid and maybe me...i guess that because of the unnecessary lies I didn't trust him to do it and that's why I didn't tell him anything before now

    • If there are trust issues...that should be a huge red flag to distance yourself from him. I hope you'd be right about him taking responsibility for a child, but based on what you've told us about him, I'm not so sure he would.

What Girls Said 1

  • You were the other woman.

    It never works out happily ever after for the "other woman"

    at least, not 95% of the time anyway.