I get along better with guys, but when it comes to dating...i walk the other way.

I get plenty of guys, work buddies or friends to sometimes tell me things such as " you'll make your husband really happy someday" . And I'm the girl that's always smiling, always in a good mood...I stay away from grouchy attitudes and even when people might have said something that offended me, ill smile about it rather than trying to justify it. On the other hand, if I need to figure something out or fix something I might have to work on my ways because it seemed some people feel that when I'm doing more in depth figuring of, they feel that I try to make them feel wrong and I'm always right.

What makes me wonder is why can I be the exact same person, but to one crows of co workers I'm the person that they can't seem to say a single thing without me trying to correct them( I never try to do that...I just tend to add additional information if I know it) and then to another group of people that I also work with but maybe actually talk to about other things aside from work, that see me at work as well, they think I'm cool and smart and funny and that I should never stop smiling regardless of what others say.

When this goes towards relationships...I walk the other way when a guy wants a date...I'm set on the idea that if someone can't make an effort to want to be a friend and get to know me before thinking of a next level thing as dating it'll be an attraction based relationship and not friendship. In the past either I have ended relationships because I got bored and tired of being the motivator and feeling as if I was the only one holding the bond, or have been flat out told that I have too many things that I want to accomplish and that they don't want to hold me back from reaching my goals.

What do I need to work on with the way I present myself and the way people read me...inside I only care about helping people, I am always nice to them even if I'd rather not deal with dumb attitudes, I never talk bad about others, frankly I'm the center of attention when it comes to trying to get me to say a bad word . But I find that I have a hard time opening up to people because I feel safer to not share myself, as if no one knows no one can gossip. How can I come off as simply humble and caring...instead of the good girl image making me seem like I'm on my high horse...be it in every day work environments or even in relationships ? How could this be keeping guys that might like me to not fully show it and to let me off the hook because I seem to make them do all the work to prove they really are interested?

To continue my comment below , after he returned, the week before he came to work and while he was gone we kept in touch and after I picked him up we talked all week , just via text but its like he was constantly keeping me up to date or wanting to talk and now this past week, after maybe purposely trying to keep distance from him at work to keep speculators in the dark...unless its a joke or I'm in a convo with others I haven't heard from him at all. Did me "keeping busy" block interest?
And to add to my confusion...I never mentioned anything to anyone about us even hanging out...but it seems everyone at work thinks they know...and the week before he returned another guy started acting up on how he wanted to go in a date with me and that someone had to replace the other guy while I was gone...and after he left for good. Those 2 guys are usually attached to the hip at work...and the guy went up to my buddy and frankly said " you can't have her anymore...she's mine now" I'm lost!


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  • Well first I think you need to understand that just because a guy doesn't know you well doesn't mean the relationship won't be meaningful. Some people just get these initial gut feelings and such and don't want to wait to get to know you just for someone else to snatch you up. It's okay to date and get to know a person as you're dating.

    That's what I did with my current boyfriend. We met when I was still in another relationship at transfer orientation at college. Well a month later my boyfriend broke up with me and the kid was still interested and I realized I liked him, too. So I asked him out and we went on three dates and just made it official. Both of us just knew, just felt that we could be something great, that we didn't need to wait. And a year and four months later we're going stronger than ever.

    Give guys a chance. They're not always asking you out just to get in your pants, some of them genuinely like you and don't want someone else to steal you away while they're trying to get to know you. That's part of what dating is, getting to know a person. It doesn't have to be about sex, hell tell him no sex or any of that until you know each other better because you want to be with someone who really cares about you, not "tapping that"

    As for the attitude? I don't think it throws people off, I think you just need to let guys in a bit. If he asks you out, give him a chance, who knows he may be the love of your life. If you try to change who you are so guys will like you it'll all fall apart sooner or later. Trust me.

    • Oh I'm not trying to change who I am, but I notice myself purposely turning guys down just to see if it was a one time deal or if they will try different ways to get my attention. For example for the past few months one of the guys at work has been inviting me over to hang out and it was great...no pressure just being comfortable.Before he left for a month he asked me the night before if I liked him...and said he did too but that he couldn't start anything.

    • I wonder if its possible that having other people at work making it sound like I'm all for him or other strange things that I don't know how they originated are scaring him off? The first time back to work he kept trying to make conversation as usual, even called me cute at work. Since then he hasn't bothered talking to me ...unless on public display. Is it weird to feel like I'm in a dream whenever I'm around him...that I can't grasp he noticed me to begin with...how do I "man up" and quit that