Really want to be in a relationship but I am just so not finding anyone...?

It's ruining everything, I am 20 and I need to be in a relationship because I need to get married young and have babies young OK so the problem is I am just not meeting anyone who wants to date me or who I want to date... I graduated HS never having a boyfriend, but I figured I would meet a great guy in college, so I joined a sorority, so I would get to go to all the frats and mingle with those guys because they are hot and would have sex with me and then date me etc... Well I didn't really meet any hot guys I didn't have any sex so I eventually dropped my sorority. Then I got an internship for this semester that required me to move to a different city for a semester, so I figured, wow I will meet so many new people and I'll meet a guy while I am there... Has yet to happen (I have been hit on a few times by guys I am not interested in). So now my internship is ending in a few weeks and I haven't accomplished anything (like getting a boyfriend like I wanted) and I am going back to campus, well since I am no longer a sorority girl I don't really party as much and I am a commuter so its hard to drink because I have to find someone to take me home or something... I just don't know what to do I mean I am not interested in getting involved on campus. I want a hot guy to come up to me and just sweep me off my feet... So in a last ditch effort at finding a boyfriend and eventually a husband and baby's father I joined Plenty Of Fish and I went out on one date.. I wasn't interested in him, now I am going out on another date with this guy who is REALLLLYYYY sweet, but he isn't... hot, so I don't know I mean it's nice that he treats me good but I don't know if I can like someone who isn't hot... I am so torn I want to be in a relationship but I am picky.. but I need to just go out and do it because I am tired of not being in a relationship, and I REALLLLLYYYYYY need to have sex with someone before I turn 21. I just want to be someone's girlfriend, and have someone who can buy me gifts and eventually marry me and have sex with me (sex will for sure happen before the marriage, actually depending on the guy it maybe 2nd date lol) and have babies with.. what do I do? How do I meet guys and everything, I am panicking because I mean honestly like I am going to be alone forever, I haven't met anyone, all my friends have had like 3 or 4 boyfriends and I have had 1 that was long distance... I need to have a baby by at least 25. And I keep saying that "oh its OK I'll meet them in college, or at this internship or etc.." but I haven't and I am running out of places I could meet them now


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, the first thing is, I can smell the desperation from here.

    And let me tell you, that smell is not attractive.

    Second, you're after a husband/baby etc... as if they were an accessory. You haven't met a guy, fallen in love and want to marry him. You're going about it ass-backwards.

    "have someone who can buy me gifts"

    And you're not exactly looking with the most noble of intentions either.

    "what do I do?"

    To start? You need to grow up. Then you need to lose the stink of desperation.

    Then finally, you need to start looking at the potential dating market as more than just an outlet for gifts and potential hubbies and babies.

    • I don't know why you choy that loser's reply as the MHO. I'm guessing you feel guilty about wanting those things, and you expected a nasty comment, and his comment just confirmed your expectation. But I would choose the one from @zbird.
      Don't go for noble intentions. It's B. S.
      It's so great that you know what you really want. You should respect that, instead of getting yourself confused and ending up with an unhappy and unfulfilled life. In my opinion going for "noble" and listening to people who say you should do so, is doing what THEY tell you to and going for what THEY want you to. Except they tell you indirectly through nobility, and get you all confused and help yourself destroy yourself. Whatever you do, you should always be on YOUR side. However I also agree with @zbird, and think you should work on knowing yourself as though you are getting to know a best friend. I also agree with you that a girl has a limited

    • ... time because unlike guys we can't have kids at 60 by marrying some younger girl. Also be very careful when you ask a guy's opinion, because they operate differently, and can't see things from your point of view (which is a very common thing with everyone else, even other girls, even your own mother, sister, or best friend, or counselor. I mean they could give you great advice, but to accept it or not or agree with it or not is your judgement and decision. Going with your first gut instincts is the best one because you are your own one and only best friend. A good counselor is the next best, as long as you agree with them, feel better, and get closer to your goals).
      Anyway it's great that you are so honest with yourself. Keep working on discovering what you truly want. Good luck!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • Chill.


    Just chill.

    I got married a week before my 32nd birthday.

    Trust me... you have time.

    My wife is a year younger than me - weird for someone who is into OLDER women. Our daughter was born a little over a year after we married. Oh we f***ed each others' brains out almost since the day we met, but used condoms until we actually married.

    By the way, I didn't have sex until I was 23.

    So... while I can't tell you hot to meet guys, I can tell you that you have lots of time.

    That's hardly reassuring, I know. But if you calm down and relax, it will most likely make things easier for you to figure out. It sounds like you've had a hectic few years. I would wonder where you would have time for a relationship anyway.

    It will happen, almost certainly. Guys are a dime a dozen. Girls are at a premium (I checked the census stats) so you have a real advantage. But... act desperate and that can scare most guys off. Work on it.

  • It's because you're crazy. Seek help.

  • Troll.

  • lol you're a nutjob. calm down and grow up.

  • i guess you are a black girl

  • "One who wants the best out of two worlds will end up stuck in both of them"

    • It simply means that: If you keep on going on like that you will end up with nothing but with a number of age that doesn't attract anything in this life. Look, you can'ts expect 'perfection' in a impefect life? Is every leaf on a trea the same size? Does every cat have the same length of tail? ... It's looking trought those imperfections and it's to see more than only what our eyes can observe... If I see a pritty face, but a fat body.. eventually I'll accept the body.

What Girls Said 2

  • OK. There are lots of things you keep saying you 'need', that you don't need at all.

    You don't need to have sex with someone before you turn 21. Maybe you want to. Why? Is it because your friends did? You don't have to do exactly the same as other people!

    You don't need to have a baby by age 25. Talking about bringing another human life into existence in that way makes it sound like you want it for you, rather than for itself, for love, for the wonder of it - and if you want it for you, then it probably won't work out very well. Babies take a hell of a lot of commitment!

    Another commenter said you're doing it ass-backwards. Exactly! Instead of deciding you ought to have these things to make your life complete, and then living your life in the hope of acquiring them, try living in the present, enjoying doing things that you enjoy (for themselves, not because maybe-you'll-meet-someone-who-might-like-you-and-etc...). In my experience that's the most effective way both of finding out who you are, which is really important for relationships, and of finding people to love.

    And loving *them*, not some template you have of what Your Future Man will be like.

    PS. its worked for me! Got engaged in the summer :)

  • Don't wish your life away... For now, focus on school, making new friends, having fun... Everything will fall into place as it should. The whole you find what you're looking for; when you're not looking- is very true! Just slow down and enjoy your youth. I became a young single mother in college, and I know from experience how much it means to value your youth and freedom.