How can I stop trying so hard?

I'm 18 and trying way too hard with the ladies. I've essentially been approaching and talking to and/or flirting with every single girl I've found attractive. Today alone, I've probably talked with with 15-20 girls. But I haven't had much luck that way, probably because it comes across as desperate and further hurts my efforts.

I just really want to find that right girl. I think part of it has to do with this girl from HS. I knew her for 3 years. We were never really close and never really dated, but it felt like there was some chemistry between us. Anyway, whether she realized it or not, she was hot and cold to me. One day she'd be giving me shy smiles and very sweet towards me, somewhat flirty, the next day she'd be cold to me. Anyway, I asked her out and she said no. From what I heard from her friends, she wanted nothing to do with me and I ended up getting it all wrong. It's been 6 months, yet I still miss her and hurt. She might not have had feelings for me (or at least denies them), yet I have feelings for her and can't get rid of them. I'm trying to get over her yet I think I might be overcompensating. But how can I stop trying so hard?


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  • Honestly, don't find a girl - find a friend. If you are going up to this many women and they are not biting, maybe it is something you do without realizing it. It seems like being the random guy that flirts isn't working, so just talk to girls for awhile with no ulterior motive - and tell them that. Feeling might develop between you two, and that is good, but if not you can get close to a few girls who can in turn help you out in trying to find the right one.