Girls, do you like to be told where you're being taken on a date or asked where you'd like to go?

(Guys please answer with your experiences of this too) Girls, do you really like a guy asking you if you want to go on a date to a specific place to do a specific thing at a specific time? Or would you rather a guy said "do you fancy going out somewhere later this week? what would you like to do?"

Please feel free to just answer the poll, or if you're feeling generous, read the info below about why I'm asking and comment on what you think I could/should do (as well as doing the poll)


*** The situation for me (optional reading) ***

I met a girl in a club last Monday. She was very drunk, we kissed, we swapped numbers and text a bit for a few days. We then met up last Friday for coffee where we chatted for 2 hours and ended the date with an awkward hug. We both said we'd like to go out again sometime.

I text her on Monday asking if she wanted to "go out for dinner or a few drinks one eve this week?" to which she replied "yeah, that sounds good". Twice since then I've tried to ask her what she wants to do & when. We've decided tomorrow or Sat eve we'll do something, but not decided what!

So I'm thinking I'll just have to text her tomorrow saying "How would you like to go to an Italian in town for dinner at 7 tonight?". I feel like this is being too forceful, I mean what if she doesn't like Italian, or she hasn't got the money to go out for dinner, or she feels it will be awkward sat having dinner or something? I don't know how else to move forward though!?


  • Just tell me where to be and when and I'll be there!
    Vote A
  • I'm really not bothered. You decide this time & I'll decide next or something. It's not a big deal!
    Vote B
  • Who are you to tell me what to do!? I want to decide together what we're going to do on OUR date
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Stop trying to read her mind and start just doing stuff. If she doesn't like Italian, she can just put up with it. If she likes you, where you eat won't matter. If she doesn't like you, you're fretting over nothing. If she's up in the air, trying to get her to call the shots is going to make her lose attraction to you.

    If it makes you feel a little bit better, think of 2 options for her to choose from. Don't leave it wide open. Say, "What about (place 1) or (place 2) ... which would you prefer?

    Hoenstly, though .. dating is about getting to know someone. Trying to make all of your decisions to please them just leads to confusion.

    • Again why doesn't the girl just say where she wants to go? Why is it up to the guy?

    • Because he asked for the date! Not because he's a guy. Whoever asks should do the "legwork" of figuring out where to go.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 11

  • I prefer not necessarily being told - but in your situation - I would have replied the same as the girl, and turned up expecting the guy to have some idea of what we were going to do - or you know - decide when we meet. But it always looks better if he's got something planned.

    It just seems like the guy cares more when he goes out of his way to make plans rather than asks us. It may seem to you like you're being nice - asking for our opinion - but generally, we prefer the guy to have a plan.

    I prefer a guy to be more direct so yeah - something like that text would be pretty good. It gives her an idea of what's going on. Maybe text her earlier than the day - just to make sure. So text her either this evening - if you want to go tomorrow night. Or on Friday if you want to go Saturday. Give her some time to prepare, and tell you if that would be a problem.

    • Why does the guy have to have a plan and the girl doesn't... yet another thing guys are unfairly expected to have

    • If the guy asks he should plan.

      If I asked a guy out on a date - I wouldn't turn up expecting him to have planned it.

      Thus if a guy asks me out - I'm not turning up expecting to work out what we're doing.

    • Makes sense, I gotta admit. I mean we kinda just agreed to go out again rather than me asking, I was just checking when I text her, but what you said in your answer makes sense. I'll text her early-ish tomorrow & make a suggestion of where to go & say we could go tomorrow or Sat.

  • She will say she doesn't like italian if she doesn't, why don't you offer to treat her so money isn't an issue, and if she feels awkward she'll decline and suggest something else if she's interested.

  • I am not bothered at where we eat. But, I definitely wouldn't mind if you asked me how I feel about going to 'such an such'.

    It means you care..and want to make me happy.


    It could be a surprise. But, make sure to let me know, that is was a surprise. =)

  • I like to be able to trust my date that he will take me to somewhere nice. I'm not talking about $50 a dish kind of nice but at least a spot where it is OK to take your date to. But if he asks me if I'm allergic to certain food before arranging the date that also would be very nice. But usually I let a man take the lead then I can suggest a few places myself. The guy I'm seeing now wanted me to pick the spot and I did pick a very nice restaurant and our first date took place there and he wanted to go there again because the food was so good so I feel good about it but mostly you should decide and take her to a spot you chose and SHE SHOULDNT PAY its only your first date. The coffee date doesn't count as the first date. so you pick somewhere you can afford and cover both meals.

  • I sometimes suck at making decisions, mostly because I want him to enjoy wherever we go and for it not to be a place where he feels he has to spend a lot of money if he's paying for both of us and even then, split, I don't want the bill to be high. Once in awhile he'll ask me, but I have this uncanny ability to turn it around and make it his choice and once in awhile, I'll argue what he chooses, if I'm simply not in the mood for it or something, but usually I'm up for anything.

  • If you ask "what would you like to do", I will feel you don't have decision making ability, too lazy to think about it and you throw the question to me. But if you say "how about 7pm at Shark hotel" and I don't really like it for some reason, I might feel it is not very polite to refuse directly(especially when we are not very familiar). So I may say "no" and feel a bit guity or accept with my own inconvenience.

    The best for me is give some options, and leave the question open-ending.

    Like " do you want to have Japanese food , Italian , or Thai?"

    "Yeah, great. I know a Japanese restaurant which is quite nice and close by... or do you have a better suggestion?"

    I don't like to be forced but I do like to be take care of:-P

    But I think girls can be different...

  • I like being told where we are going, it puts less pressure on me to decide for 5 hours what we're gonna do. Its fun no matter what for me if I'm with the guy I love

  • C. But its usually the guy who decides what and where and I'm OK with that.

  • Think back to your conversations, has she mentioned a particular cuisine? I would love it if a guy took the time to think of somewhere to take me :) If you really don't want to take chances, just ask her, what would you like to eat. Plain and simple.

  • In my opinion, if she doesn't give you a specific thing she wants after being asked, you should just pick something. Make a conversation out of it: Hey, what are you doing tonight? I know this great Italian place, want to have dinner with me there?

  • I think being specific is okay. I don't think it's like a terrible idea or a big no no. I wouldn't mind. If she doesn't like Italian then it's not the end of the world. If she really hates it , she'll probably suggest somewhere else. Once you guys really get to know each other, you'll have a better idea of what she likes and you can just take it from there. Oh and if you feel as though its still too forceful, then just ask if she'd like to have diner. and if she say yes, instead of giving her the time, ask her what time is she free or what time would she like to have diner with you.


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