First date with a shy girl. How do I make her feel comfortable?

We've talked a bit in college already and that's how I got to ask her out. She has trouble starting a conversation and people generally don't notice her that much. But she feels comfortable talking to me now. But when we run into each other in the hallways she usually smiles, blushes and say hello very silently.

Definitely not going to kiss her on the first date, I know that much. But I'm not sure what we can do. I'm taking her out for lunch but I've never dated a shy girl before so I don't really know what differences there are in the way they act on a date and stuff like that. She's also a few years younger than me.

Any advice is appreciated :)

Just came back from the date, thanks for all the advice. We had lunch and went to see a movie. It was great :)


Most Helpful Girl

  • Coming from a shy girl, I can tell you not to pry too deep into personal or potential matters that would place pressure, particularly on the first date.

    Definitely keep a casual, comfortable atmosphere-- perhaps start off by mentioning something about the restaurant. Gradually bring up other events: such as her hobbies, what she is studying/occupation, pets, family... mutual, neutral topics.

    Be genuinely interested, and perhaps concerned (if it fits the moment.)

    Never comment on her quietness. That goes for jokes, too.

    I cannot begin to describe how awful it feels.

    If there is any questionable weather (or even if there is not), it would be a great time to demonstrate some sort of chivalry; offer a jacket, run to get the car/other means of transportation, locate a forgotten item of her's, and so on.

    It will very likely make her feel terribly awkward, if she is anything in resemblance to myself... but even so, it would warm her opinion of you greatly. She will not forget.

    • Thx, good stuff :)

    • Depends on the girl, some girls feel most comfortable with the deep stuff. Just study her reactions as you speak with her and notice her comfort zones. When you see she isn't comfortable with a certain topic, just change the topic.

    • I will thx, and I'll update on how it was haha

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What Girls Said 4

  • i don't know if id take her to lunch...she might be to shy to eat in front of you...I'm not shy but when I first date a guy the one thing I hate is dinner makes me fell like uh oh he's watching me eat what if I spill something on me or get food in my teeth or on my face...if you already set lunch take her somewhere fun and active iceskateing or bowling...anything that gets her up and moving and able to be herself. If you're your self with her she will start to feel more relaxed and not care so much what you think about her and your relationship will grow and she will become unshy...when you are at an active place like that hold her hand, remember just because she is shy doesn't mean she doesn't want you to hold her hand or hug her she will just be too shy to start it. Give her a little nudge and you will be happy you did

    • I've seen her eating in college before so I don't think that's much of a problem. It's not going to be a fancy restaurant anyways. But something more or less for students but still romantic. (not somewhere where we risk running into schoolmates ofc). So the atmosphere there is friendly I hope :)

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    • They help thx :) I also see I've already become pretty friendly with her hehe so that makes things easyer I think :)

    • {erfect! :) Everything will be fine.

  • Just real both my articles! They are both featured, just add me as a friend and you'll find them on my profile.

  • Try to act interested in her and ask her questions to get the convo started. Ask about her family, pets, where she grew up, what her hobbies are, what she likes to do, etc... Try to get her to engage. That way she's not sitting there trying to figure out what to say on her own. :)

    • trying to be a good listener in other words right? I really do want to get to know her better. :)

    • got it. Also - try to remember details about her family, her job/school, etc...that way she knows you actually listened and cared about what she talked about. Just asking this question is a good start. It shows you really care.

    • yeah thanks, I'm glad memorizing things is one of my stronger points :).

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