How do I proceed with this guy I've been dating for a month when I've been the one planning everything?

I meet this guy off of He wanted to go out on a date relatively quickly, but my schedule is so crazy that we had to wait two weeks to go out. In our first date I told him I would plan it. He drove to our destination. I kept everything a surface and we had a great time. That next week we saw each other three times and went out a date the following week. Again, we had a great time. But then somewhere communication began to break down and it feels a bit odd. I've been the one mostly instigating time for us to hang out. He texts me every day, but the conversations are really general about how our days are going or they are about him 90 percent of the time. I've been highly disgruntled and annoyed at this. He has not asked me out at all for a proper date. When we do hang out it is either at his place or we go to the gym together. For example, I told him two weeks ago that I am old school and prefer the guy to do the planning and asking out at first. We set up a date night last Friday night. He didn't call or text me until it was 8:00 p.m. and I called him to see what was going on for the evening. He said that he didn't have anything planned. When I got to his house we talked for two hours, but didn't go out anywhere. He said he didn't really think about planning anything. I told him that I was really into him. I thought honesty would be the best thing. Also, on our first date I told him I was going to graduate school next year and had no idea where I would be in the next year. He admitted last week during a talk he was "putting on the brakes" with us because he didn't want to set himself up to get hurt if I was not going to be in the same city/area as him. Okay... but my response in my head was so? We have a good thing going here and you're acting so nonchalant and distant. When we are together we got on really well and talk for hours. The conversation is wonderful and we have chemistry. He always said to be open and honest with him if he was doing something that annoyed me. He has a stressful job, but my schedule is absolutely insane as well. I'm tired of being the one that does all the work. I feel like I'm doing the chasing and he does nothing. Yes, he does text me every day, but I want to talk on the phone more. I want him to do more work. I want to see him more, but don't want to ask him to do things anymore if he's not going to come. So, what do I do? Do I have another talk with him? Should I back off and be more nonchalant or what? We have been dating for a month and I feel like things should be farther along than they already are. What should I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You already established in the beginning of the relationship that you are ready to do all the work.

    Secondly he saw the consequences when he didn't do any work and you were okay to hang out at his house.

    The choices we make decides the life we live. Unfortunately this guy doesn't have an aptitude or desire to put in the effort which shows his lack of interest or may be he doesn't respect you enough to put in the effort.

    He also by letting you know that he is putting brakes but still going out with you specifies that he is not even making himself emotionally available to you and only going out with you when you plan as a part of pity date which is wrong at so many levels.

    I would strongly recommend that value, respect and love yourself more then to subject yourself to a person who is not even ready to put in the effort.

    If you don't value and respect yourself no one else will.

    Wish you good luck in everything.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I would back off because it sounds like you're more into him than he is to you. You're doing most of the work and he's just...there. It really sounds like he's just spending time with you to kill time