What should I say to him now? (I need advice please)

It's kind of a long story/question, but I really need advice on what to do about this guy in my life.

About 3 years ago, when I was 18, I had a crush on a guy and things really didn't work out. My feelings grew for him but he didn't want a relationship. At the time, all I wanted was a relationship with him. I was a virgin and very inexperienced with men. I thought that if he just said that I was his girlfriend everything would work out. Whenever I would talk to him about us, we were always drunk and never got anything across to each other.

Things got really complicated between us because both of us are shy and didn't tell the other how we really felt. He would tell me that he really liked me, but he said that he isn't ready for a girlfriend yet because his ex cheated on him. He says that I'm good and he isn't. He told me that I'm a good girl and I will find someone much better than him. But I don't believe that at all, I loved him.

I pushed myself to get over him because it wasn't healthy for me to care about someone so much who wouldn't be with me. Now, 3 years later, I'm not pursuing him but I still have feelings for him. I have dated and had sex with other guys. No guy compares to him in my mind. I see him on the weekends, I'm in college and he graduated last year.

Here's where it get complicated. Two weekends ago, he came to visit. He kept flirting with me and talking to me like he always does. After we got home from the bar, instead of telling me that he doesn't deserve me and then sleeping on the couch, he went to bed with me. We woke up the next morning and had sex. It wasn't the best sex or anything, but it didn't matter to me because it was finally with the right person. After he left, I thought he wouldn't text me because he is shy and unsure of himself, but he texted me the next day asking how I was doing. I thought that finally things were going to be different.

I then saw him last weekend and everything seemed fine until later in the night. He was drunk and I wasn't because I had to drive myself home from the bar. We talked and he started saying the same stuff he used to like I deserve someone better than him. It was really frustrating and upsetting.

So what I want to know is what should I say to him now? I want to text him and ask him if he will have a sober conversation about us together but I don't know how to ask him. I don't want to push him into a relationship that he isn't ready for, I just want to hang out with him. I just really want to be around him, I honestly don't care about labels. I'm really laid back.

I'm sorry this is complicated and long, but I would appreciate any advice. I'm lost on what to do next.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Since you enjoy his company, there is no harm in continuing with your ways and keep seeing him often. It is obvious you have feelings for him and the fact that he keeps returning to you means he feels the same way about you. If you were to start a relationship with someone else, he'll probably pass out from jealosy and regret. If you really want him, and your close friends anyway, approach him about the topic and tell him what you think, before he slips away. In the end you have nothing to lose.


What Girls Said 1

  • It is really long, but its a deja vu king of story for me. I really think you should talk to him face to face. ask him what sex meant to him. Just don't try to push the answer out of him. Tell him what he means to you and if he feels the same way but doesn't want a relationship, just take it slow, baby steps. But if he doesn't feel the same way and you find out that he had sex with you just because. Ditch him, he's not worth it

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