Am I trying too hard?

basicaly I've never had a girlfriend, I'm not the type of guy who gos out looking for one night stands, I have had success with really attractive girls who are my type, like we will be all friendly hang out flirty and stuff but then after like a certain amount of time they just seem to want to talk to me less or don't wanna hang out anymore, for example this recent girl was literally my perfect girl, she used to text me everyday I had to put little effort in then after 2 or 3 weeks she just stopped txting me, I was only ever nice to her wasn't meen didn't try and use her for sex, but we did things anyway, is it because of my personality, if so what personality would a girl be looking for? whenever I see the girl flirting with or a guy flirting with her I get really jelous and angry but don't let it show, its driving me crazy, is it my personality or are girls just not that interested in guys who are nothing but loyal and nice.. cheers.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Are you at least showing some type of indication that you like her? Are you letting her know you see her MORE than a friend? I as a girl know that I can get a long with a guy very well, but if all we do is chat and talk (and I am not seeing any visible signs) that this is going anywhere, I will begin to lose interest.

    -Let her know how you view her, ask her if she feels the same.

    -Try flirting with a lot of eye contact and smiling.

    -Girls like guys that are more of the aggressor,

    try making moves on her such as:

    ~putting your arm around her

    ~kissing her

    ~holding her hand


    to let her know you don't want to be just a friend.

    Basically flirt with her but remain within your boundaries.

    • ive literally done most of those things with this recent girl, told her I really like her and she replied saying I was "perfect" but she might have just been saying that because I was basicaly telling her how I felt, I probaly could do more things like hold her hand or put my arm around her, we kiss most of the time, basicaly it felt like we were getting into a relationship but past few days feels like we are drifiting further apart...

    • Show All
    • Np, good luck. Ty for ba.

    • she said no in a roundabout way... guess ill just have to move on lol

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • Girls want to be with attractive guys.

    Attraction is built upon tension.

    Tension drives her interest, as long as you release that tension through humor and/or sex. We call this flirting and teasing.

    But if you only flirt, without any tension release, then it becomes boring.

    And you only want sex, it becomes boring.

    Being "nice" becomes boring because it doesn't build attraction or tension.

    Trying too hard implies that you're not being yourself... possibly you're showing her a persona you think she wants to see... this why being "nice" comes across as fake and manipulative.

    Instead I would suggest adding these few things to your "game."


    Hanging around and texting is what friends do. Being her friend is "nice" but it's also boring. Being a friend helps build connection, but it doesn't build attraction.

    Tease her a little more, once in a while, but only ever in a friendly way. Like, "Why do you insist on wearing those damn high heels! You're like the green giant in those things! Albeit a super cute green giant..."

    If she doesn't pick up on your flirty vibe then how is she going to know you're not just a friend?

    Plus teasing and flirting and banter invites her to be playful, and playful is fun, not boring.

    And any sexual vibe you add should add tension... which leads to attraction.


    Hanging out, texting, etc, doesn't get the girl. It opens her for connection but it doesn't lead her into your life as a girlfriend.

    So always be slowly escalating. If you're texting instead of dating then you're on the wrong path. Your goal should be to see her a couple times a week, in private intimate settings, like dinner, or movie, or home made pizza at your place.

    Basically you need to get her into the "she's my girlfriend" vibe... and that requires time alone. That requires sexual flirting. That requires slow make outs, and quickies, and long nights of passion and intimacy.

    3) LEAD

    It's your job to take her by the hand and take her on the adventure that is dating you. When you go out, drive. When you enter a building hold the door. When you are alone and the mood is right kiss her.

    Don't wait for her to "ask" to do things... just plan it out, then call her up and ask her to come with you.

    These three things (attraction, escalation, and leading) seem to have always helped me avoid the friend's zone, and have always given me the most success with the women I've dated.

    Obviously you're already finding some success with the ladies, and hopefully this helps a little bit more?

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    • thanks found this very interesting will give it a go next time.

  • Maybe you're too easy going sounds like you're a nice guy. Try being more assertive and act more like a leader. You can still be nice but try and take charge more, girls always say they like nice guys which is true but they don't want them to be too easy going. I couldn't get a girlfriend for four years and was always the nice guy. Once I joined a club at school, became vice president and was a group leader girls started approaching me more. I also got more confident in approaching them which made a big difference.

    • yeah that may be one reason, whenever I asked her out I just asked what she wanted to do, never really said, 'oh we are going to the movies' just let her decide.