Am I rebound or am I just paranoid?

I've known this guy for 9 years and have always liked him and we have always had a mild flirtation but nothing has ever happened until now. He just go out of a two year relationship which he ended, rather abruptly. He claims he realized he wasn't happy and was no longer in love with her but his whole family is pretty much on her side and not taking it well. A week and a half after he left her, we got into a relationship but I kinda went through his phone and saw that a few days before he was flirting with her and has been trying persistently to be her friend. She has been ignoring him though. Then they got into a huge fight for like 2 hours and he STILL tried to talk to her after and be her friend. And sent her a picture of some card she made. Now she has decided to be okay with him now and that she isn't mad at him because "it is a waste of energy" and he seems slightly bothered about it. Should I be worried that he is actually still in love with her and that I'm just a rebound or is this normal? Please be as honest as possible. I also went through his texts with her prior to breaking up with her and he seemed to be in love with her almost immediately before. I'm worried he is gonna think he made a mistake and go back to her. But we hang out all the time and he seems into me. He says he is comfortable with me and likes me

He brought me to his house on Christmas and introduce me to his parents. (he lives at home) and now I've met all of his friends and they are all really nice. I went to his friends house for a new years eve party. We took lots of pictures which he posted on his Facebook and now he has a picture of us as his profile picture. He also untagged himself from all of the pictures with his ex. However, they are still texting sort of. He text her on Christmas, before I got there.
She was on the first people he text when he woke up. He made an inside joke and sent a picture of his cat. She said Merry Christmas back and sent him pictures of their cats. Then he kept texting her and she didn't respond. He sent another picture of himself with the cat and then a few more texts when she didn't respond and then thanked her AGAIN for the Christmas present she got him which they exchanged over a month ago when they broke up. She never responded and they haven't talked since.
She added him on Facebook again and he asked her if she meant to and she said yes and he asked her if they were okay now and she said yes and he kept asking her why she was okay because the week before she wasn't and she just kept saying "dont worry about it. I'm content with my decision" and finally he just accepted it and thanked her for being so mature and said he was glad and stuff like that. and I guess she was visiting her dad and said "i hope your dad is doing well"and she didn't respond


Most Helpful Guy

  • You have no business being involved with this guy at this point. He needs to figure out if he's gonna be with her or not. If not, he should, without your encouragement, let her go completely, at least for six months. If he won't do that, he's not emotionally ready for you or anyone else. You being there, whether you believe it or not, is eroding your position. If this is a guy you want to spend time with in a romantic relationship, you need to get away, give him a month, contact him, ask him if he's still in touch with her. If he lies, he's done. If he says yes, tell him that when he's been out of touch with her for six months, you'd like to consider a relationship with him but that you will under no circumstances play second chair to her nor will you tolerate her hanging around.

    • he says he is not going to be with her. he says he is over her and it and isn't in love with her anymore. I find it hard to believe but why would he say it if its not true? Why am I eroding my position? Aren't I in the position of power because I have him and she doesn't? Isn't he just being mature by wanting to be her friend? Or am I just delusional? He is doing and saying all of the right things but it is moving really quickly...

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    • Let's switch this chat to Yahoo Messenger. Please friend me and make sure you identify that you're this lady since you posted anon. I feel like it's important for you to understand what I'm saying and this medium just doesn't lend itself to that.

    • this is uncanny. I am the ex girlfriend in your situation and am equally as confused. all I can say is, if he is still talking to her then that isn't a good thing. when guys choose to break up with girls, that means they have mentally and emotionally prepared to completely disconnect from her. and if they try to be friends right away, it means they aren't prepared at all. they haven't fully thought their decision though...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Let me count the ways: 1) you used the words "just got out." 2) He's texting her. 3) His family loves her and is giving him trouble. 4) She's waffling on ignoring him. That's just for openers. Of course you'll be his rebound if you keep this up. Do yourself a big favor and , like cops say, step away from the guy. Give him a couple of months. If they're still split, check his phone. If they aren't communicating, give it a shot.

    • Even if he seems super into me and is very attentive? And even if he is just trying to be her friend? Do you think he is still in love with her even though he says he isn't?

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    • Like I said, he's leaning on you to escape having to grieve but eventually we all have to pay the piper. He's clearly a great guy. He knows what he needs to do and if he doesn't you can tell him. Best of luck. Let us know how it's going.

    • i didn't take your advice and now I need your help again ha ha would you mind reading my update and answering?

What Girls Said 1

  • From what I see, you seem to be his rebound. If he really likes you he would cut off all contact with his ex-girlfriend, and wouldn't engage himself in another relationship right away.

    • Do you think he still has feelings for her even though he claims he doesn't? What if it seems like he really likes me? I don't want to sound pathetic but I have liked this guy for a long time. His ex is really beautiful and his whole family loves her and I can't help but wonder if he compares me to her

    • Oh and why would he want to be friends with her if he still had feelings for her? I feel like that is just a sign of maturity. Though, they hvent even broken up for a month. But we have been together for two weeks