What's up with women on online dating sites?

I tried online dating (serious paying site for two months) and I'm quite turned off by women's attitude in general. Almost all seem so full of themselves and conceited it's very disappointing. I'm contacting some in my age range and overall am polite, funny and pleasant. But I get almost no answer, even when they are the ones sending me icebreakers first, what's up with that?

And I'm not even going after the hottest ones because in real life I found most have horrible personalities anyway.

I'm far from being desperate, I go on real dates regularly and have had good (and a couple bad) relationships. I have a killer carrier and salary, told I'm very handsome and really fun to be around. I'm just looking for a woman who is right for me and thought reaching out to many women through online dating might bring someone very interesting. But I find women on there so freaking rude. Most seem to think they are way above everybody else it's bizarre! They put tons of pictures of themselves (many with other guys which I find very tacky and screaming insecurity) and wanting a man to make them laugh is always listed before anything else... I'm quite doubting that it is their most important criteria...

The only thing I guess might explain why most don't answer is because I'm only 5'8 and not lying about it on my profile.

It has been a weird experience because in all honesty I contacted women that in all fairness are below me look wise, education wise, carrier wise etc.. But I wanted to get to know quite a few to may be find a great girl with a wonderful personality. I end up being extremely disappointed and decide to go back to real life dating where I am much more successful, which is a bit puzzling.

My profile gets looked at regularly and like I said I receive icebreakers too so I think my profile and pics get some attention. It's after that that not much happens. I'm wondering if most are there for ego boosting only or what?

I'm interested to hear from the other side of the fence.

*please read career instead of carrier. I got carried away on that one...lol

(thanks to foolycooly for noticing)


Most Helpful Girl

  • Online dating is tough! I have been doing online dating since I was 18, on and off of course as relationships developed. I have met many people online, and it's basically just a toss up. You never know who you are going to meet. It's best to not go in and expect anything. I know that sounds terrible but it's true.

    There are some girls on there that are ridiculous, I can remember reading some of the profiles of girls, because I was checking out the competition. Some of them were looking for a guy with tones of money, good looking, great career, etc.. and yet they were listed as "unemployed" or working as at restaurants as a server. Some girls would even put on their profiles "don't message me if you don't have money, or aren't cute, etc.."

    I would get messages, but it seems the most visited profiles are of the highly attractive girls, not surprising. Just wanted to see what others were posting. I worked hard on my profile and updated it frequently. Adding new pics and new information. Its good to do that because dating sites are constantly getting new members.

    Your profile sounds great. Lots of pictures of the places you have travelled. I would have messaged you! Mainly I stuck to guys who I felt would message me back too. I didn't go for highly attractive, but was getting tired of not getting any messages and started just mass messaging many guys at the same time.

    Maybe the problem is in the messages? What are you saying in the messages? I found the best success was in introducing yourself in a short concise message while asking questions about their profile. This shows that you have read and are actually interested. The worst messages, that I often got and ignored were from people who would put "hi" or "ur hot" or "hi cuti pie, whtsup?" That might sound harsh, but I put lots of effort in, and I didn't want to talk to someone who wasn't really interested and was just trying the site out for kicks. If you want to come across as serious, then you have to send good messages too.

    Message lots of people, regardless of if you think they are in your 'league' or not. I kept going back and forth on whether I was going to message my current boyfriend, because I thought he was so attractive and a great overall guy. Safe to say it was a good move, because we have been dating almost a year :) I feel very fortunate to have found him :D

    Good luck, need any help feel free to message me!


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What Girls Said 3

  • The Internet gives everyone false confidence. Girls can make themselves look good in pictures and thus get attention online more so than in real life (even ugly ones) so they feel important and get a bit carried away with the attention and think they can be choosy. I suggest finding a girl in real life , since most online profiles are hiding something :)

    • Yeah that's what I was guessing. Frankly I'm very turned off by it all. I mean, beside not being tall I'm a great guy and most of the women I contact are not that hot or successful. They are just delusional and full of sh*t about what they say they are looking for. I'm dating beautiful women and successful one in real life so I'm very surprised. But may be all other guys lie, say they are 6'4 , make tons of money etc.. I don't know, but I can't help thinking "YOU turned me down? lmao"

    • lol I know... I had online experience before where girls were the "queens" of online I guess all popular and whatnot but in reality they were LOSERS. I think its better to stay awesome in real life and let these people feel good about themselves on the internet, in fantasy. :) You seem like a great guy, height is not that important just show your personality to girls! Be confident... a lot of what attracts us is how a man CARRIES himself. head up!

    • thanks for your words. Yes I'm like that in real life and date nice women. I was just hoping to reach a lot more girls and may be find the right one for me that way. But wow did I get disappointed. Yeah I think the"queen" attitude is ridiculous and a great disservice to women in general. I'm just wondering how other online men behave though. Because I only see the women side of it, I don't see the guys so I can't comment and be fair.

  • i have done online dating quite recently and the messages I receive from most men are pretty lame... the one guy I did meet on a site I sent a message to him first and he actually came back with a great reply... some guys that I've replied to can't keep an email interesting and so I get bored and just stop responding...

    what are your messages like?

    • Well I usually keep it simple. I tell the woman she has nice eyes, a pretty smile (anything I noticed from her pic). If I read she listens to some music or liked or a movie I talk a bit about that and tell why I like it etc.. I ask couple of questions based on what they say in their profile. I keep it light and entertaining. Girls in real life tell me I'm fun to be around and interesting. And I'm also very confident so I'm not shy or awkward.

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    • i had posted 4 photos on my profile... all in a different location of the world... it's good to post a few because you can't always look the same in every photo... next time try not to mention anything about their looks at first... see if they are really seeking an ego boost or a real conversation

    • OK I'll try that. but I don't know, if a simple compliment about eyes or a smile is enough to scare them away I believe it says more about them than me, you know? I mean I don't just say "hey you have pretty eyes, let's talk". It's just a nice and sincere compliment among other things. I want a human being with intellect but with emotions too.

  • That is exactly why they are on a dating site, because they can't find a guy due to their huge egos. They cannot expect to find someone online if thye cannot even find someone in person because of the way they are. They may only be there for a self-esteem boost, which it seems they really don't need. If you have better luck dating in person as you say, then I would suggest just sticking to dating offline. I know it's hard to find the right person, dating gets tiring and kind of becomes annoying after a while. Just stop looking for Mrs. Right and focus on you, your life, and just date for fun if you want, or don't date at all. Eventually, once you stop looking, I bet she will come out of no where. Maybe possibly online or even in person. I wish you luck! :)

    • Yeah I was wondering about that too indeed. It's so disappointing though, I was eager to get to know some online and since I can reach many more than in real life I was hoping to find great women compatible with me instead of wasting time going on dates and realize I can't see myself with them long term. But boy do real life women look much better than these online crazies. I can pretend I can just keep dating but yes it becomes boring, I want Mrs right to just appear so we can be happy

    • If it worked that way, I believe there would be a hell of a lot more happier people in this world.

What Guys Said 3

  • Ya gotta remember that on a lot of those sites women are allowed to create profiles for free because the site admins know the main traffic willing to pay are going to be guys. Keeping that in mind, there's a distinct possibility that a large number of the female accounts on that site are bots. As you say though, it's also quite probable that they're in for the ego boost of guys wanting to contact them and whatnot. There are plenty of women out there who simply get off on treating people like sh*t, and it's possible that they're so overrun by guys talking to them they haven't sifted through the pile you as of yet. It's difficult to say, but really why waste your time worrying. Just keep at it, and eventually you might have a partial chance of finding one that doesn't ignore you.

    • Well I'm answering to icebreakers sent to me and the site is very reputable so I'd be surprised by bots really but who knows. And I agree with you, I'm just thinking I could get lucky and find the right person. But I was curious about it all because it seems quite far from real life dating.

    • Yeah, online stuff usually is.

  • I was really confused until I figured out that "carrier" meant "career." You might want to have a friend proofread messages you send. In general, my advice with online dating is not to pay for it, simply because it's hard to tell who can respond to your messages. link has advice for online dating. You should try plentyoffish.com and okcupid.com.

    • Oh yeah I meant career indeed. My thought about paying site was that they were more likely to have serious people instead of fake profiles and weirdos.

    • I think it's true that the people on paid sites are more serious, if they pay. On match.com, people can buy a feature that highlights their profile, but other than that, the only way to know they are a paid member is if they say so in their profile. Granted, people can choose to pay after they receive a message, but I don't know how many women do that. I think free sites are at least as good. For the record, though, I have had a girlfriend from match.com, but not from any other site.

  • the competition is much higher online than in the real world

    • Why?

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    • yeah, it's like we guys have to be "Best Guys" but almost any girl qualifies to meet our dating standards

    • lol I know exactly what you mean. For almost any guy if the girl is pretty it's enough to try it and go on a date. Been there done that. But I'm so done with it though, I want a great girl, probably going to take a while to find that gem, and most probably not online.