I'm what some people might consider, "innocent".

I met a guy before summer began this year at a friend's party. I was initially attracted to him but didn't want to let him know, I knew though that he was interested from the start and eventually he got my number and we started talking and texting. We spent most summer talking but I wasn't sure I wanted a relationship since we had only met once. Plus he is four years older than me and I have never been in a relationship before.

I met him again once I went back to school (he lives in the town my school is at) and went on a couple of dates, where he didn't try anything on me. Eventually I decided to see where things were going to go because I saw he was a great guy. He gave me lots of attention and was respectful, did a lot of cute things for me. He's very romantic and sweet. We talked and got to know each other more. But never really entered a relationship.

Now though he is asking for one, and I want to say yes because I need to put a name to what we have. It's gotten to the point where I think I love him. However, there are things that are keeping me from saying yes, like the fact that I want to finish college, go to grad school, get a job, get a house etc, whereas he is just working and hasn't finished school. He doesn't seem to give that much attention to the fact that I have school work I need to worry about either. He is thinking about kids already, where as I am not thinking about that yet and I don't think I want to have any. He wants to meet my parents and I'm not sure if I am on that step yet...specially since I'm not sure how my dad would react to it specially since I've never had a boyfriend and he's a lot older than me. He also drinks and I don't do any of that stuff but I'm OK with him doing it. He also has told me he used to be a man whore, whereas I am very calm and not very flirtatious. The man whore thing bothers me because I sometimes wonder how many girls he has tried the things he says to me, since he always says the right things. And initially he said he was "confident" he was going to get me (I didn't make it easy for him either way). I'm what some people might consider, "innocent".

If you were me, what would you think in this situation? Should I say yes or no? If no, how should I go about telling him this?

  • Yes, date him.
    Vote A
  • No, don't date him.
    Vote B
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Just wanted to add, I know I may not sound very in love because I don't want to fully invest myself into this unless I am sure and I am making myself be down to earth so my vision is not clouded over by love...if that makes sense. Just trying to go about this the smart way.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think you guys are a good fit. Don't mess with your life goals just because there's some guy you like. You seem pretty together and I think your concerns are valid.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I would think of hard times as limited, glass ceiling blue collar life - possibly w/o retirement, health benefits. College can mitigate some of this. Can't wait to have a family life, sex with a nudge, beer rewards for low pay days gets old fast, makes one old, wears on love strength meter. One of the reasons you are a candidate = naive compared to his past lovers ... talk with one over coffee someday to get your eyes open.

    10% chance he might change his ways if you make degree plan + great job a deal breaker.

  • I'll be honest, you don't sound like you really should date him. Tbh, it sounds like you are just trying to have a relationship and you like him cause he is a good guy, but you don't seem to really be in love with him. By the way, it's really not a big deal if he's 4 years older or if he doesn't have the same goals as you (more school and such) and there's nothing saying you can't do school and have a good relationship (as long as he's understanding in letting you focus on studies at times over him if it requires it). I really don't see you loving him tbh. You just aren't coming off like "I really love this guy and want to be with him no matter what"

    And there's nothing wrong with being innocent :P I prefer innocence far more than not.

    Btw, just about the age thing again, I remembered a study where they actually showed that, statistically, the most successful relationships were those where the guy was 5 years older than the girl. It doesn't mean shoot for 5 years difference, just saying, don't think the difference is a big deal. What always makes a good relationship is communication, loyalty, love, and ya...

    Still, my point stands. It doesn't sound like you really love the guy. Just like aspects of him and for the most part.

    • @Update: doesn't matter. Still sounds like you shouldn't date him. Honestly, it's not about love clouding things, it's about love being so strong that the problems don't bother you (but you don't ignore them). You don't really love him imo and really shouldn't bother.

    • Ok, thanks for the insight :)

What Girls Said 1

  • Well why not? I think you should give him an opportunity and see where things get, if you think he's compromising your future too much then tell him and if he still doesn't do anything about it then end it with him, about kids, just tell him you can't see yourselves with kids and tell him your goals at this moment and for the future, about your dad if you are not confident about it then just tell him and why you don't want him to meet him yet, just be honest with him and if you think he is going too fast tell him to slow down, there's more guys out there so if things don't work out well between you two then you can always find another person that maybe matches you more. I say give him a try if not bye bye, but at the end of the day is your decision that counts, I hope this helped and good luck with it ;)