Would you respect a girl in this situation? Advice from guys especially would be of great help!

I have been talking to this guy that I have liked for many years now (about 8 years). We've had our ups and downs (way more downs than up -- he's hurt me a lot - cheated, lied, etc. etc.). I figured it's because our relationship was long distance/online and he came out to tell me the truth. However, we've decided to put our differences aside and try again - one final chance. He's been good to me for about 4 months now.. we decided that we were going to meet next may -- I'm going to go see him in person. However -- he wants to sleep with me. I'm all for it with the right guy at the right time.. BUT I don't feel like he is going to respect me if I sleep with him the first time I go to meet him (I'm going for only a week.. that's hardly enough time to get to know a person face to face). Would you guys respect a girl you've known for many years but not taken seriously who slept with you within a week of meeting her? Plus I am a virgin, and honestly proud of it. I've been in 3 serious relationships, and it was just never felt right (that's was the good choice since I'm not with those guys anymore for very good reasons). However, I can't let this one guy go.. I know I should, but I want to try one more time. I'm just not sure about this sleeping thing with him (he's obviously pushing for it.. and every time I say I might not want it at that time, he takes it as "you don't want to sleep with me?" and then gets hurt and upset). But guys.. would you respect a girl like me if I said 1 week was too short for sex on our first meeting? Is it wrong of me considering our long "online" history (even though he's proven to NOT be worthy)? Honestly, I want to be the girl he can take home to mom at the end of the day and not the kind of girl who he meets secretly (because neither of our folks know that we're going to meet) just to bang. I obviously can't talk to anyone in person about this, it's embarrassing, so your inputs are much appreciated! Thank you in advance for answering and I'm sorry for the long passage.

  • I would still respect the girl.
    Vote A
  • I would not respect the girl.
    Vote B
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I'm sorry about the grammar; wish I would have reread my question before hitting post! However, I'm sure you get my point =)
I told him I wouldn't sleep with him on this trip and he told me to go away and called me stupid. Yeah.. well that hurts, but sh*t happens.
I freaking shoulda known, but at least I didn't waste my time and money to go see him.


Most Helpful Guy


    I would respect her provided it felt like the right time for her... that was your issue with the previous guys and if that's there then obviously you shouldn't force yourself with this guy either.

    If that isn't the issue however, I'd say concidering your 8 year long online history .. no one could or should say your easy.

    As far as being a virgin goes, its fine if you are.. its fine if your not... it depends on what your looking for in the future I guess.

    Guys who don't believe in pre marital sex will most likely expect their partner to be the same... so if your looking to marry a virgin one day.. chances are likely that you'll have an easier time at that if you are yourself.

    If you don't care about that, the only thing you can and SHOULD do is...

    If you believe in regrets come from actions, you probably shouldn't even if it feels right... the guy has gone wrong a few times already from what I understand of it and chances he's the right guy seem pretty slim at this point.

    If you believe in regrets comming from not taking action, you probably should if you feel like you can/want to as otherwise, you might kick yourself over it later.


    • I am a strong believer in "better safe than sorry" and that goes with your "regrets come from actions". Considering what's happened in the past, I'll wait till he can give me a solid answer to the fact that he is not the same -- insert an awful word for an awful guy here -- as he once was :) lol. If he can prove that given the time he has from now till then, we have a good chance of following your second statement (regrets from not taking action). Thanks for the input and great advice!

    • Show All
    • Well she wasn't an idiot as its not like I was flawless.. my situation was slightly different then yours but the feeling I'm sure you have at this point is pretty much the same =)

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What Guys Said 3

  • I got less than half way into it and my personal opinion is don't sleep with him, he's already broke your trust, that's one sign the other one is premarital sex is so overrated and very much regrettable

  • I think you should play it by ear, but you've been in communication with the guy for so long, it seems like it would be natural that you two hooked up when you saw each other

  • I'd honestly not respect the girl being a guy from outside. If I was with her myself and such? I dunno. But from a guy who has hurt you so much? Don't do it. Don't even let him have a chance. And such a scumbag guy.. you really should dump him and move on entirely. Drop him outta your life. You can find someone so much better than him. You deserve someone so much better than him.

    • Tbh, from what you've said it sounds like he's just trying to be with you for sex.

    • @Update: Very good :) now kick him outta your life for good and find someone who deserves you that you deserve as well :P

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