Guy who canceled date possibly lying to me?

So I met this guy about 8 months ago when he started coming into the place I work. He's always been very nice to me and has shown CLEAR signs he was interested, and we've become pretty good friends. I was hesitant at first because of a larger age gap (he's aware of the gap and my original hesitancy), but I decided to go for it.

This guy and I made plans on Tuesday for Saturday night. He asked, picked the place and the time (all worked for me so I agreed). When I saw him on Friday (we usually bump into each other a few times per week at my work) he confirmed that we were still on, and I agreed.

So Saturday comes and as I'm driving to the restaurant, I see a bike like his parked outside a laundromat about 3-4 blocks from the restaurant where we were supposed to meet. As I drive by I look in the windows (practically the whole front is windows) and see a guy who looks a lot like him there. I think it must just be someone who looks like him because we had plans and I didn't think he would be the type of guy who would flake/stand me up. When I get to the restaurant the lady says that the guy stopped in about 2 hours earlier and told her to tell me he couldn't make it because his grandmother had been in an accident and he needed to go up north (2.5-3 hour drive; he doesn't have my phone number). I think about the guy and the bike at the laundromat and drive back the 3-4 blocks because I'm curious if that was him or a look alike who just happened to have the same bike (I figured the odds were small, but I wanted to know for sure!). I pull into the parking lot (he can't see me) and there he is reading the paper in front of the windows!

I decided not to go in because I don't want him thinking I'm crazy or something (It truly was by accident I discovered him...I wasn't out looking! And really, what would I say?), but I'm also hurt. I mean, if it was a real family emergency why are you still in town 2 hours later at a laundromat? Do they not have washers and dryers in the town he is headed to (if he needed clothes to bring with, which I highly doubt)? And even then, considering you were still in town, you couldn't go the 3-4 blocks to tell me in person?

It just seems odd.

I'm of course understanding of legitimate reasons to cancel a date and realize stuff does happen, but this just smells fishy...

I'll probably bump into him sometime next week when I see him again. He has no idea I saw him at the laundromat. I'm thinking about asking after his grandmother, her ailment, etc. and see how that goes, and bringing up the fact I saw him at the laundromat if he doesn't come clean naturally (or caught in a lie). I don't want to be accusing (I mean after all, while I can't think of anything, I suppose there could be a legitimate reason he was at the laundromat), but I don't want him thinking I'm a doormat either. I've had guys flake on me before, and they seem to do it until I say enough (usually after 2-3 times)!

Any advice for how to handle the situation?

BTW, I live in a fairly smallish town (35,000 or so), and our date and the laundromat are on the old end of town where it is not very busy, hence why it was easier to spot him and the bike than say someone in NYC


Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't make it seem like interrogation, but question him about his grandmother like you're concerned. Make sure to ask him how long he was actually away, see if he got back anywhere near the time of the plans. If he says he got back later than you saw him at the laundry mat then you know it's not worth your time at all. Only benefit of doubt is if he thought he MIGHT not make it back in time, but if he says a lie about the time he got back in the area it's just bold faced lies IMO.

    • I was thinking of that, but wasn't sure how that looked from a guys perspective; good to know :-)

      About the timing

      I guess it is possible he hadn't left town yet. The waitress said he stopped in at 2, our date and spotting at the laundromat was at 4. It's 3 hours each way to his grandma's. I'm not sure why he'd wait to leave town (and do his laundry before hand) so long if it is an emergency. But to give the benefit of the doubt (which I want to), I could ask what time he left town.

      Thanks! :-)

    • No problem, but like I said. Just try to make sure it doesn't seem like you're pressing him for answers. Trying to give people the benefit of the doubt is usually a good choice, but after catching them red handed is another story.

    • Thanks for the advice...I'll be careful in my questioning to make sure I'm not pressing or coming off as suspicious. It's not uncommon for us to ask each other about our days/weekends, so it won't be that awkward as long as I'm careful about it.

      Very true :-)


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