What should I do in this situation?

Here is my situation:

I honestly have not dated in over 8 years. Between 2003 and 2011, no dating for me. I met someone online about a few months back. We hit it off. We had so much in common... It was so much so, that I spent $900 on a trip to Massachusetts to meet her. We hit it off even more when we were in each others' presence. When I got there, She wanted me to stay. But I run my own business in Detroit, Mi and HAD to return. We continued to talk. She mentioned to me that she has stage 4 ovarian cancer... We continued this long distance relationship until today. She refused to answer my calls and I sent a text to her... This is the exchange:

"Hey, babe... Are you ignoring me? I feel as if you are abandoning me..."

Her: "Yes that is it..."

"what do you mean?"

Her: "I abandon u"

Now, I have been depressed all day since this text... I was planning on driving there in about 2-3 weeks anyway... I was planning on going there for Valentine's day. I haven't dated in so long because my last girlfriend cheated on me (to which I caught her in the act! With my roommate!)

Should I still go to Massachusetts to see her again, or just give up on dating permanently? Those are my only two options. I don't want to be bothered with anyone else...

  • Give up, and just focus on running my business because relationships are a waste of time....
    Vote A
  • Still go to Massachusetts to plea to her....
    Vote B
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I don't wish to date anyone else... I was a little more content when I was not dating... Albeit, I was more cynical and spiteful. I open up to someone just to be abandoned. This is not the only time... My last relationship ended with my ex cheating on me... I am of the mindset to just quit and be alone for the rest of my life... It is just pointless.
Okay, I have not been on GAG since I posted this 2 days ago. since then, We argued and chewed each other out. I then allowed 24 hours for things to calm down. We appologized to each other. She explained that she is scared of losing me for the sake of the cancer and pushed me away. But then again, she says there are other things that bothers her.

The result: I will still be going there in 3 weeks on Valentine's day.
We have reconciled.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't let others drag you down. She obviously has some issues and if indeed she has stage 4 ovarian cancer maybe it's her way of not letting you get too close and falling for her and then she dies (sorry to be blunt). I would keep trying with her if you truly like her and see where it goes. Don't give up on love ... you never know when you might bump into it and by the way you ve done better than me I haven't had a date since 2001

    • Well, I did that before even reading your post... I am making a little progress... At least she texted me. In fact we appologized to each other because we said some pretty nasty things to each other. She was quite a bit emotional. The cancer has not spread to her lymph nodes, so she is getting a hysdirectomy. She is afraid that the hormonal changes would drive me away. So she wanted to drive me away before I decided to leave so that she would not be hurt.

    • It went to sh*t. I gave up. Love don't exist. Life has shown me that solitude is my only recourse.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • That seems more complicated than "abandonment". Maybe her cancer is in a different stage and she is having regrets for "dragging you along". I'm only speculating. There are many possible scenarios:

    a) She is over it.

    b) Complication - distance? cancer? There could be some kind of roadblock.

    It sounds like you think it is worth it. If you do, then go and see what happens. Or try to get a hold of her on the phone or email or Skype.

    • She is ignoring my calls... And she blocked me on Facebook... She does not skype... I only have the option of driving there. I know where she lives. She is in no position to move as of yet...

    • Show All
    • I'm not sure the situation with Dianna. But it seems that her cancer has caused her to have some doubts about the longevity of her life.

    • Not really. It is the cost of her "womanhood" that is in question moreso than her life. Yes her life is a concern as well. In fact, she is worried about her kids. But mostly she is worried about the recovery process, as well, as things like sexual desire, and the idea that she will have to undergo chemo therapy. I concluded in telling her, "That is what you need support for. I would support you! If you push me away, you have your family, at the cost of your independance." we will talk later.

  • Online dating, messing people up every time,

  • oh dear ... I'm sorry , but at least you tried even if it didn't work ... but never give up

    • Why should I, "Never give up"? Women are liars, they don't know how to be direct, and they do things THEY THINK don't hurt a guys feelings, but in turn, deception DOES. AGAIN, WHY SHOULD I?

    • because you don't want to be miserable and lonely for the rest of your life ... you just haven't met the right person yet... if you don't dip your toe in the water now and again then life is very very dull

    • There is no such thing as "the right person". It is nothing more than hearsay... I am done.

What Guys Said 1

  • I'd say try and get a hold of her, but don't go yet. Keep trying. Worse comes to worse, go once you free up time. But don't let your business suffer because of her. If she can't help make an effort... well...

    • Well, I can not right away... It would cost me (round trip to drive) about $200-300 to get there. My business is slowing down a little and I would have to save to even be able to do that, without cutting my own throat. It is 865 miles. My car has a 12 gallon tank. It costs about $42 in michigan to fill up. I get 30 MPG Highway... So I am estimating on a full tank, no more than 330 before I need a fillup (with a gallon to spare). So I need to stop for fuel at least twice...

    • Show All
    • I don't know :\ it's situations like these that really make me pissed off at the average woman how they all seem to be such.. cowards. Grow a spine, ladies. If there's a problem, f***ing talk about it and work it out.

    • I can agree and I have told her that... but not the way you said it though... LOL

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