What am I getting into with "seeing" a religious Jewish guy?

I am not really sure how things really work in the "dating world". I realize that the best method that works is the direct method. Meaning, directly telling the other person what you want, feel, and expect because not everyone is a mind reader. I met this guy and we have gone out 6 times. We didn't kiss till our second date and he seems like he's genuinely interested. We have not had sex yet and have gotten as far as light petting. I mentioned when we were making out on our 4th time out and things were getting intense, I said that was a lot (b/c it was the first time he was physically on top of me) ... I shouldn't be doing this until we define the relationship. He then said that he wanted to go out and see where it goes. He's never pressured me to do anything but it made me mad that he wasn't certain about "us". I didn't say anything because I felt it may have been too soon. We always go out and I asked him what would happen if I were to go over his house and watch a movie with him.. .and he said that it would be odd and would only be appropriate for a serious relationship. So now I know we are not serious by his definition. On the 6th outing he asked me how I felt about oral. I gave him my feedback but I was confused as to why he clearly wanted to know my opinion on sex but didn't give me a clear response as to what he see's for "us". We tx mostly, I think he may be dating other people and I have not asked. His phone goes off a lot on which I comment and he claims its mostly notifications. It used to go off constantly in the earlier stages now I think he put it on silent. One thing that is a bit annoying is that he said on Friday he doesn't do much after sun down and sleeps on Saturday... ( I get no response on those days via tx). He is divorced and has a kid so sometimes I ignore things with response times to texts. I don't know when it's his turn for his kid. I was also very curious about his divorce, which he said they didn't see eye to eye. It is early to me but I am not really sure. We have been talking since Nov ... My friends tell me that being non Jewish and dating a religious Jewish guy is a waste of time because he won't marry out his religion/race or I would have to convert. I mean we got this far and we are not having sex.. so I am just waiting what do you think is going on? Am I rushing things? .. I am blk btw


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  • About Jewish men not marrying non Jew girls, is not necessarily true. It depends on the guy and how he feels about the girl. My cousin has dated a Jewish man for two years and they are engaged to be married this year.

    It depends on which type of Jew he is, if he's conservative probably won't do it no matter what he says. If he's a reformed Jew he would be more open to have a relationship with a non Jew girl.

    On your particular situation I would say GET AWAY FROM HIM, he's just having a good time, and doesn't want anything serious with you.

    I invested 10 months of my life going out with a guy from another very conservative religion and I thought we were serious, that we were dating exclusively and would eventually marry, but the sad true is that I didn't pay attention to all those little things, the same things you are describing:

    He not being certain where do our going out was taking us (the whole 10 months!), he going out with female "friends" from church, he's phone going off all the time - he actually answered several times and were one or another of his female "friends"! -, he never really talking about his family, he answering my calls or text when he wanted, and so.

    I finally decided to confront him and he said we were "having a good time, why try to rush things?" So I finally understood he was just having a good time, he liked being with me because for him there was no commitment.

    Believe me, you don't want to go through that. Too much time wasted, too much pain to go through afterwards.

    Look elsewhere, no guy is worth making you feel unworthy.

    Good luck ;)

    • Thanks! It sucks because my gut said day one something was wrong but I ignored it because each day he began to open up.. uggh.. he's cute too... I want counting that he would be different.. he said that he was the black sheep of his family so I didn't think that he'd follow all the rules. We went out on a date last week. Its going to be hard ... we talk a lot and he gives good advice... but it all makes sense now.

    • Yeah, I know, it was exactly the same for me. I was too dazzled by this guy to really see what was wrong. But rest assured that if you feel something doesn't measure up is because there's something wrong.

      There is someone better suited for you out there.

      Let him keep playing someone else. You don't need to waste your time.

      I ended up meeting a 20 times nicer guy on the 10th month of going out with the former. And now we're trying to take things easy and build something together.

  • Look I am Jewish and it sounds like he is a religious guy who is just looking for a good time. I am sure you are a great girl and I hate to break it to you but a lot of times religious Jewish guys fool around with non Jewish girls but if he is religious enough to observe Sabbath it is not going to go anywhere. I tell you this as someone who knows, I would advise you to look elsewhere, it feels like he's just f***ing around to me.

    • Thanks. I thought so. He also told me he rarely eats out and he doesn't eat out with me. He said he doesn't really out a bunch and had never been to Fridays. :/ . I believe your right.

    • Yeah basically he is religious though I find it hypocritical when religious people will f*** around and fool around and pretend they are all oh so pious. He's using you, find someone better! I am sure you will :)

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